Assertiveness

Putting forward your own NEEDS,

IDEAS and FEELINGS, and also
Respecting the Right of Others to do

the same.

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It involves:

• Acting in one’s own interest

• Expressing and standing up for

Personal Rights
and Feelings without violating other’s
rights and feelings
• Expressing opinions fearlessly

• Making decisions
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A commonly believed myth:

To be successful, one Has to

be Aggressive and

To be otherwise,is to be
Passive and ineffectual
but

Assertiveness is a happy
medium between the two
because……..
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AGRESSIVENESS PASSIVENESS
INVOLVES…. INVOLVES….
A total disregard for Undervaluing one’s
others own importance
Getting angry or
Assuming
using verbal force
responsibility for
other’s reactions and
‘ I am superior and emotions
right, you are inferior
and wrong’ ‘My perceptions,
opinions, feelings etc.
Are less important
or correct than those
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of others’
To be (assertive) or not
to be,
the choice is yours……

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Aggressive Behavior

The body language

• Leaning forward
• Pointing fingers
• Piercing and glaring eye contact
• Jabbing

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Aggressive Behavior [contd.]

The way you talk The way you feel

• Loud • In control of others

• Sarcastic • Wanting to dominate
• Emphatic • Isolated
• Arrogant
• Guilty

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Aggressive Behavior [contd.]

The way you make others feel

• Unfriendly
• Humiliated
• Afraid
• Resentful

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Passive Behavior
The body language

• Standing back
• Little / no eye contact
• Smiling even when upset

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Passive Behavior [contd.]
The way you talk

• Apologetic & vague

• Self - hating
• Hesitant
• Mourning

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Passive Behavior [contd.]
The way you feel

• Taken advantage of
• Anxious and frustrated
• Hurt and powerless

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Passive Behavior [contd.]
The way you make others feel

• Frustrated
• Insulting
• Guilty
• Out of patience

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Assertive Behavior
The body language

• Eye contact direct and not staring

• Relaxed, moving easily
• Open hand movements
• Head held up

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Assertive Behavior [contd.]
The way you talk

• Steady and firm

• Spontaneous
• Sincere
• Clear

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Assertive Behavior [contd.]
The way you feel

• Good about yourself

• Confident
• Responsible for your own actions
• Powerful within

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Assertive Behavior [contd.]
The way you make others feel

• Comfortable and at ease

• Respected as well as respectful

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Verbal Behaviors
Non- assertive

• I’ve invited my friends over for dinner

tonight. Do you mind ? [Qs. with no options]
• Why do you always want to hurt my
feelings ? [Qs. As punishers]

• Don’t you care enough about me to call

every weekend ? [ assumptuous Qs.] 17
Verbal Behaviors [contd.]
Assertive

• Would you be more specific about what I

did that you didn’t like ?
• I would like us to share the responsibility
for the housework

• I feel unhappy about what you just did.

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Benefits of assertiveness
• Develop a sense of self worth
• Be more relaxed and open

• Less critical of self and others

• Know what you want from each situation
• Develop skills to handle difficult situations
• Quicker results are achieved
• Goals are easily achieved 19
Benefits of assertiveness [contd.]
• Behaviour is consistent
• Confidence increases
• Issues are resolved quickly
• Decision making process is
speeded up
• Consensus is felicitated
• Discipline is felicitated
• Priorities are maintained 20
Steps to assertiveness

• Assess the situation

• Observe he other person

• Listen to the message

• Respond assertively

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To become assertive
• Express yourself clearly and positively
• Open conversations without hesitating

• Take a clear stand on issues

• Stand up for your beliefs
• Exhibit consistent behaviour
• Disagree agreeably without hurting others
• Act with reason 22
• Say ‘no’ when you want to say ‘no’
• Think before talking
• Assume responsibility for your feelings
• Empathize with others
• Display firmness without being harsh
• Be fair in your dealings
• Face issues squarely without procrastination
• Be a patient and effective listener
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