Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication
• human needs:
→ physical
→ instrumental
→ relational
→ identity needs
1) Physical Needs
• needs that keep our bodies and minds functioning.
• Communication has many connections to and effects on our physical body and well-being
• basic level: communication can alert others that our physical needs are not being met
• E.g. babies cry when they are hungry or sick to alert their caregiver of these physical needs
• E.g. Asking a friend if you can stay at their house to meet your physical need for shelter.
• Human beings are social creatures, which makes communication important for our survival
• Prolonged isolation severely damages a human (Williams & Zadro, 2001).
• People with good interpersonal communication skills are better able to adapt to stress (Hargie,
2011)
• Communication can also be therapeutic, which can lessen or prevent physical problems (e.g.
talking about death)
2) Instrumental Needs
• needs that help us „get things done“ and achieve short-term and long-term goals
• we spend much of our time communicating for instrumental needs (influencing others, getting information
we need, getting support)
• compliance-gaining communication: getting people to do something or act in a particular way (different
from coercion and manipulation)
• developing a relationship:
• 1. nonverbal communication (to assess whether someone is interested in talking to us or not)
• 2. verbal communication (to strike up a conversation)
• 3. self-disclosure (to develop and maintain relationship)
• communication (or the lack of it) helps us end relationships
• some people’s “relational needs” are negative, unethical, or even illegal
4) Identity Needs
• the need to present ourselves to others in particular and desired ways.
• communication is the primary means of establishing our identity and fulfilling our
identity needs.
• much of how we think of ourselves is based on our communication with other people
• e.g. companies, celebrities, and politicians creating a „public image“
• self-presentation as performance: we all perform different roles in different contexts
(Goffman, 1959)
• E.g. A parent may perform the role of:
• stern head of household
• supportive shoulder to cry on
• hip and culturally aware friend
COMMUNICATION
• defining communication:
• transfer of information from one person to another
• process of using symbols to exchange meaning
• intercourse by words, letters or messages
• external and internal noise make encoding and decoding messages more
difficult while influencing the communication exchange.
• noise is in every communication context, and therefore, NO message is
received exactly as it is transmitted by a sender
Aristotle’s Communication Model
• proposed model before 300 B.C
• focused more on public speaking than interpersonal communication
• the speaker must prepare his speech
• the speakers analyzes the audience before he enters into the stage
• the speaker’s words should influence and persuade the audience
• the model is formed with 5 basic elements
• Speaker
• Speech
• Occasion
• Audience
• Effect
Lasswell’s Model
Berlo’s S-M-C-R Model
• If two people are from the same cultural group, they will have better communication with each other.
• Cultural identities change the communication pattern of a person.
• Marginalization of cultural groups oppress their communication with the other parts of the society.
• Experiences, attitudes, moods, cultural beliefs, social up-bringing, and mindset affect the responses
and the message exchange.
Barlund’s Model of Communication
3) Relational Context
• relationship history
• Relationship manners
SYMBOLS
• arbitrary representations of
thoughts, ideas, emotions,
objects, or actions used to
encode and decode meaning
• Symbols stand for, or
represent, something else.
(i.e. there is nothing inherent
about calling a cat a cat).
• Symbols have three distinct
qualities: they are arbitrary,
ambiguous, and abstract.
1) Symbols are arbitrary
• The symbols we use are arbitrary and have no direct relationship to the objects
or ideas they represent.
• the word “cat” represents or stands for a real cat AND our idea of a cat. The
word “cat” is not the actual cat. Nor does it have any direct connection to an
actual cat. Instead, it is a symbolic representation of our idea of a cat, as
indicated by the line going from the word “cat” to the speaker’s idea of “cat”
to the actual object.
2) Symbols are ambiguous
• Symbols have several possible meanings.
• The meanings of symbols change over time due to changes in social norms,
values, and advances in technology.
• We are able to communicate because there is a range of meanings which the
members of a given language system agree upon.
• Without an agreed-upon system of symbols, we could share relatively little
meaning with one another.
3) Symbols are abstract
• words are not material or physical
• A certain level of abstraction is inherent in the fact that symbols can only
represent objects and ideas.
• This abstraction allows us to use a phrase like “the public” in a broad way to
mean all the people in the United
• the more abstract the language, the greater potential for confusion.
The Rules of Communication
• Verbal communication is rule-governed.
• We must follow agreed-upon rules to make sense of the symbols we share.
• Without agreement, rules, and symbols, verbal communication would not work.
• There are general rules for verbal communication, involving the sounds, meaning,
arrangement, and use of symbols.
1) Phonology:
• the study of speech sounds.
• the pronunciation of the word “cat” comes from the rules governing how letters sound
• the context in which words are spoken may provide answers for how they should be pronounced.
The Rules of Communication
2) Semantics
• Semantic rules help us understand the difference in meaning between the word cat and the word dog.
• We use each word to specify what four-legged domestic pet we are talking about.
• Even though many of the words are spelled the same, their meanings vary depending on how they are
pronounced and in what context they are used.
• We attach meanings to words; meanings are not inherent in words themselves.
• Words (symbols) are arbitrary and attain meaning only when people give them meaning.
• denotative meaning - standard, agreed-upon definitions when used in various contexts (the denotative
definition of the word „sick“ is ill or unwell)
• connotative meaning - the meanings we assign based on our experiences and beliefs (these meanings are
quite varied)
The Rules of Communication
3) Syntactics
• The study of language structure and symbolic arrangement.
• Syntactics focuses on the rules we use to combine words into meaningful sentences and statements.
• We speak and write according to agreed-upon syntactic rules to keep meaning understandable.
4) Pragmatics
• The study of how people actually use verbal communication.
• People make choices based on context and audience regarding which word they feel comfortable using.
• Each communication context has different rules for “appropriate” communication.
Spoken Versus Written Communication
• both spoken and written communication function as agreed-upon rule-
governed systems of symbols used to convey meaning
• major differences between the two:
• 1) formal versus informal
• 2) synchronous versus asynchronous
• 3) recorded versus unrecorded
1) FORMAL VERSUS INFORMAL
• we generally use spoken communication informally while we use written communication formally.
• we follow more formal standards for our written communication than our spoken communication
• verbal mistakes and qualifiers (“uh” “um” “you know“) in our speech, but not our writing.
Verbal Nonverbal
Communication Communication
Laughing, Crying,
Oral Spoken Language
Coughing, etc.
Written Language/Sign Gestures, Body
Non Oral
Language Language, etc.
Functions of Verbal Communication
1) Verbal communication helps us define reality.
• We use verbal communication to define everything from ideas, emotions, experiences,
thoughts, objects, and people (Blumer)
• Verbal communication is how we label and define what we experience in our lives.
• We make choices about what to focus on and how to define what we experience
Paralanguage: vocal qualities such as pitch, volume, inflection, rate of speech, and rhythm.
Silence: not using words or utterances to convey meanings (deliberately or not)
Interpersonal Communication
• “inter” – between, among, mutually, or together
• “personal” – a specific role that an individual may occupy
• “interpersonal” – between individual people
• “interpersonal communication” – an interactive process that occurs between people as
they exchange and create messages, collaboratively and interdependently, through an
interwoven combination of verbal and nonverbal behavior
• “interpersonal communication theory: - the study of social interaction between people,
which focuses on how individuals use verbal, nonverbal and written discourse to inform,
persuade, and provide emotional support to others
Self Disclosure
• “the act of making yourself manifest, showing yourself so others can perceive you” (Jourard)
• process of revealing information about yourself to others that is not readily known by them
• safe disclosure (revealing your hobbies or musical preferences) versus personal topics
(illuminating fears, dreams for the future, or fantasies).
• We tend to disclose facts about ourselves first (I am a Biology major), then move towards
opinions (I feel the war is wrong), and finally disclose feelings (I’m sad that you said that).
• self-disclosure is positive: it is the key to a healthy personality
• When one person reveals more than another, there can be an imbalance in the relationship
the Johari Window
• Arena (or “Open Self) contains information that is
known to us and to others (height, hair color,
occupation).
2) Friendly Relations
• communication that moves beyond initial roles
• the participants begin to interact with one another to see if there are common interests
• the participants develop an interest to continue getting to know one another
Developing and Maintaining Friendships
3) Moving Toward Friendship
• participants make moves to foster a more personalized friendship.
• The increasing levels of self-disclosure enable the new friends to form bonds of trust.
4) Nascent Friendship
• individuals commit to spending more time together and they start using the term
“friend” to refer to each other
• The interactions extend beyond the initial roles as participants work out their own
private communication rules and norms.
Developing and Maintaining Friendships
5) Stabilized Friendship
• friends take each other for granted as friends, but not in a negative way.
• Because the friendship is solid, they assume each other will be in their lives.
• levels of self-disclosure increase, and each person feels more comfortable revealing
parts of him or herself to the other.
6) Waning Friendship
• Many friendships come to an end
• Sometimes friendship rules are violated to a degree beyond repair.
• Violating the rule of mutual trust (if we tell friends a secret, they are expected to keep
it a secret)
Developing and Maintaining Romantic Relationships
• The main influences when looking for a partner:
• Self-identity (e.g. sexual, religious or ethnic preferences)
• Similarity (e.g. .similar work, hobby, lifestyle)
• Proximity (e.g. sharing similar/same region)
2) Invitational Communication
• we signal or invite the attractive Other to interact with us
• relational level (how the people feel about each other)
• inviting others to continue exploring a possible romantic relationship
General Stages in the Development and
Maintainance of Romantic Relationships
3) Explorational Communication
• individuals respond favorably to our invitational communication
• we share information about ourselves while looking for mutual interests, (e.g. shared political
or religious views or similarities in family background)
• we give and receive personal information in a way that fosters trust and intimacy (i.e. Self-
disclosure increases)
4) Intensifying Communication
• the happy stage (the “relationship high”)
• we continue to be attracted (mentally, emotionally, and physically) to one another
• we cannot bear to be away from the other person
• creating a private relational culture (e.g. cooking dinner together instead of going to a party)
• we tend to idealize one another and see only the positive qualities of the other person
General Stages in the Development and
Maintainance of Romantic Relationships
5) Revising Communication
• the “relational high” begins to wear off
• developing a more realistic perspective of one another, and the relationship as a whole
• recognizing the faults of the other person that they idealized in the previous stage
• individual needs and goals may not be compatible to sustain a long-term commitment
6) Commitment
• a couple makes the decision to make the relationship a permanent part of their lives
• the participants assume they will be in each other’s lives forever and make joint
decisions about the future (e.g., marriage)
• Some couples, however, experience the five stages of deterioration:
General Stages of Relationship Deterioration
1) Dyadic Breakdown
• partners begin to neglect the small details that have always bound them together.
• intimacy decreases and the partners feel dissatisfied
• this dissatisfaction can lead to worrying about the relationship
2) Intrapsychic Phase
• partners worry that they do not connect with one another in ways they used to
• partners imagine their life without the relationship
• Rather than seeing the relationship as a given, the couple may begin to wonder what
life would be like not being in the partnership.
General Stages of Relationship Deterioration
3) Dyadic Phase
• partners make the choice to talk about their problems and resolve issues
• seeking outside help (e.g. therapist) to help them work through the reasons they are
growing apart.
• discussions about how to divide up shared resources (property, money, children)
4) Social Support
• termination is inevitable and partners look outside the relationship for social support.
• telling friends, family, or children that the relationship is ending.
• the process of letting go of the relationship and coming to terms with its termination
General Stages of Relationship Deterioration
5) Grave Dressing
• couples reach closure in a relationship and move on with life.
• Retrospectively analyzing the relationship and why it has ended
• learning from the experience to navigate future relationships more successfully
Developing and Maintaining Family Relationships
Family: an arranged group, usually related by blood or some binding factor of
commonality, where individual roles and relationships modify over time
1) Families Are Organized
• we occupy and play predictable roles (parent, child, older sibling)
• communication in these relationships is predictable
2. Enlarging a Family.
• couples expand their family with the addition of children.
• the demands of a new child become the primary concern and focus of the couple
3. Developing a Family
• The child’s needs change from physical (feeding, changing diapers) to cognitive and emotional
• Parents become the primary source of instilling cultural, spiritual and personal values
4. Encouraging Independence
• children start pulling away from their parents as a means of establishing an independent identity.
Family with children: seven stages
5. Launching Children
• Partners re-learn their roles as the grown children eventually leave home
• parents: empty nest syndrome
6. Post-Launching of Children
• Couples do not know how to relate with one another outside the context of raising children
• falling in love again, or terminating the relationship
7. Retirement
• freedom from work enables exploration of new relationships and activities.
• grown children bring their partners and grandchildren in as new members of the family.
Thinking About Conflict
• a threat to the established order of the relationship
• four assumptions of viewing conflict as destructive (Augsburger)
1.Conflict is a destructive disturbance of the peace.
2.Members of the social system should adapt to the established values.
3.Confrontations are destructive and ineffective.
4.Disputants should be punished.
• conflict as productive
1.Conflict is a normal, useful process.
2.All issues are subject to change through negotiation.
3.Direct confrontation and conciliation are valued.
4.Redistribution of opportunity, release of tensions, and renewal of relationships.
Thinking About Conflict
• Constructive conflict
• conveys neutral or positive affect
• assumes a collaborative orientation
• tends to be relationship preserving.
• reflected in behaviors that focus on problem solving, show respect, save face, share
information, and validate each person’s worth
• Destructive conflict
• conveys negative affect
• assumes a competitive orientation
• tends to be relationship undermining.
• Reflected in behaviors that demean, ridicule, attack, coerce, and undermine relationships
Types of Conflict
1) Affective conflict
• when we have incompatible feelings with another person.
• The differences in feelings for one another are the source of affective conflict.
• E.g. one partner wants to marry while the other wants to live in polyamory.
2) Conflict of Interest
• when people disagree about a plan of action or what to do in a given circumstance.
• E.g. one partner does not believe in seeking medical intervention while other does. What do they do
when their child falls ill?
3) Value Conflict
• a difference in ideologies or values between relational partners
• E.g. many people engage in conflict about religion and politics
Types of Conflict
4) Cognitive Conflict
• the difference in thought process, interpretation of events, and perceptions.
• Two people are observing the same interaction but have a disagreement about what
it means (e.g. friendly chat versus flirting)
5) Goal Conflict
• when people disagree about a final outcome.
• E.g. a couple has two different goals in regards to purchasing a home (long-term
investment versus short stay investment)
Strategies for Managing Conflict
1) dominating („win-lose approach“)
• exhibiting high concern for the self and low concern for the other person.
• The only goal: to win the conflict (analogous to sports)
• loud, forceful, and interrupting communication.
2) obliging
• a moderate degree of concern for self and others, and a high degree of concern for
the relationship itself
• the individuals are less important than the relationship as a whole.
• minimizing the differences in order to emphasize the commonalities (e.g. ethical
beliefs)
Strategies for Managing Conflict
3) compromising
• both parties are willing to give up something in order to gain something else.
• the parties may be less likely to stick to it long term.
• Problem: neither party fully gets their needs met.
4) avoiding
• suppressing feelings of frustration or walking away from a situation.
• expressing a low concern for self and others
• neither person is willing to participate in the conflict management process.
5) integrating
• a high level of concern for both self and others.
• individuals agree to share information, feelings, and creativity to try to reach a mutually acceptable solution
• Problem: it is time-consuming and requires high levels of trust.
Explaining Theories of Interpersonal Communication
• 1. Systems perspectives suggest that by studying the interrelated patterns of
communication of people in a relationship, you can understand the relationship.
• „interdependence“
• all system members are dependent on all other system members
• E.g. if one group member drops the ball, the group as a whole is unlikely to achieve its goals
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE
• „homeostasis“
• natural balance or equilibrium within groups
• the tendency for a given system to maintain stability in the face of change
• efforts to reduce the conflict might only engender more conflict, because conflict is the
“natural” balance of the system.
• when a system experiences a novel situation (whether positive or negative), its members will
somehow adjust to maintain stability
• „equifinality“
• there are multiple ways to achieve the same goal
• there are multiple goals that the group can address
• in business, equifinality implies that firms may establish similar competitive advantages
based on substantially different competencies.
• similar results may be achieved with different initial conditions and in many different ways
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE:
5 AXIOMS OF COMMUNICATION
1. the impossibility of not communicating
• “people cannot not communicate” (Watzlawick)
• all behavior has the potential to be communicative, regardless of whether the sender
intended the behavior to be interpreted as a message.
• e.g. “silent treatment” as communicating “I’m angry with you.”
• your partner’s interpretations of your behavior will affect your relationship, regardless of
whether you intended that interpretation
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE:
5 AXIOMS OF COMMUNICATION
2. content and relationship levels
• all communication has both content and relationship levels
• content level: particular verbal or nonverbal messages sent when people interact with each other
• relationship level: additional information about how the content should be understood (i.e. what
kind of relationship it implies)
• e.g. : “Can you work on getting that work done?” versus “Get the work done.” (equal footing
versus superior status)
• how you say what you say will affect your partners’ interpretations and will also give others clues
about your relationship
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE:
5 AXIOMS OF COMMUNICATION
3. the problem of punctuation
• interaction is understood as a series of beginnings and ends, of causes and effects
• Punctuation refers to the structuring of information into a timeline to determine the cause
(stimulus) and effect (response) of our communication interactions
• By sequencing the content of the message we are able to interpret causality relationships
between events
• The interactants will however view the same interaction as having different causes and
effects
• Punctuation is always a matter of individual perception, while there is no single correct
and linear interpretation of events
• differences in punctuation lead to conflict among system members
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE:
5 AXIOMS OF COMMUNICATION
4. digital and analogic codes
• communication takes place both digitally and analogically
• analogic codes: the symbol actually resembles the object it represents (e.g. holding two
fingers up to indicate the number 2 or crying to represent sadness)
• digital codes: the symbol and the meaning of the symbol are arbitrarily linked (e.g. the
symbol H2O for water, or the OK sign made by fingers)
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE:
5 AXIOMS OF COMMUNICATION
5. interaction can be symmetrical or complementary
• when communicators behave in the same manner, they are behaving symmetrically (e.g.,
Mike is sarcastic to you, you are sarcastic to Mike)
• when the communicators behave in different ways, they behave in a complementary
fashion. (e.g. Mike is sarcastic, you whine)
• behaving in a complementary fashion does not mean that interactants are behaving in an
opposite fashion
❖ 2. POLITENESS THEORY
❖ 2. POLITENESS THEORY
• how we manage our own and others’ identities through interaction
• how and why individuals try to promote, protect, or save “face” during embarrassing situations
• how, when, and where occur the „face-threatening acts“ and what to do to restore face
❖ 2. POLITENESS THEORY:
ASSUMPTIONS
1. all individuals are concerned with maintaining face
• face refers to the desired self-image that you wish to present to others
• face also includes the recognition that your interactional partners have face needs of their own
• positive face includes a person’s need to be liked, appreciated, and admired by others.
Maintaining positive face includes using behaviors to ensure that these significant view you
in an affirming fashion.
• negative face assumes a person’s desire to act freely, without constraints or imposition from
others. Acting in a way so that you gain others’ approval interferes with autonomous and
unrestricted behavior
❖ 2. POLITENESS THEORY:
ASSUMPTIONS
2. human beings are rational and goal oriented
• we have choices and make decisions to achieve our goals within the context of maintaining face
• face management works best when everyone involved helps to maintain the face of others
• We should make decisions that uphold the mutual (and vulnerable) construction of face.
• facework
• specific messages that prevent or minimize face-threatening acts (Goffman)
• is used in order to create and maintain one’s desired self-image
• preventive facework
• strategies that help oneself or another avert face-threatening acts
• avoiding certain topics, changing the subject, or ignoring the occurrence of an FTA
• corrective facework
• messages that an individual can use to restore one’s own face after an FTA has occurred
• strategies such as avoidance, humor, apologies, explanations of inappropriate actions,
• physical remediation: one attempts to repair any physical damage that has resulted from FTA
❖ 3. SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY (SET)
❖ 3. SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY (SET)
4. Totality
• emphasizes interdependence between relationship partners
• without interdependence, a relationship cannot exist
• perceived tensions ultimately affect your relationship
❖ 4. DIALECTICAL PERSPECTIVE
Internal dialectical tensions between relationship partners:
1. autonomy–connection dialectic: the tension between the desire to feel connected versus
the desire to maintain a sense of independence
1. selection: choosing to favor one need at the expense of the other. (E.g. long distance
couple chooses autonomy and break up)
2. cyclic alteration: fulfilling one need now and shift to fulfill the other pole at a later time
(cf. children playing on a seesaw)
3. segmentation: certain issues coincide with one need, and other issues are appropriate
for the opposite need
4. integration: incorporating aspects of both needs (predictability versus novelty)