LOVE

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 What is this thing called LOVE???

A combination of emotions,
cognitions, and behaviors that
often play a crucial role in
intimate relationships.
• Something more than a simple friendship
• Something more than being romantically or sexually
interested in someone

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Passionate love—intense and often unrealistic emotional
response to another person
• Involves sexual attraction, the desire to be physically
close, and an intense need for love to be reciprocated
• Three factors are necessary
– Learning about love
– Availability of a potential love object
– State of physiological arousal that is interpreted as
feelings of love
• Tends to be too intense to be maintained permanently

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Companionate Love - passionate love which is
more lasting

• Based on close relationship

• Sexually attracted LASTING COMMITTED
• Shared similarity RELATONSHIP
• Express mutual liking

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Unrequited Love—love of one person for another who does
not feel love in return
• Most common among people who have an insecure
attachment style
• Men report more experiences than women do
• Person in love feels rejected, other may feel guilty

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 Triangular Model of Love
• Robert Sternberg (1986)
• Love is made up of three components:
Intimacy - The closeness felt by two people
Passion - The sexual motives associated with a couple’s
relationship
Commitment - Cognitive processes involved in deciding that
you love another person and committed to maintain the
relationship.
• Sternberg identifies eight types of love, which can be
described as different combinations of these three elements.
For example, non-love, the relationship that you have with
an acquaintance, is characterized by the complete absence of
intimacy, passion, and commitment.
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 Love Styles (Hendricks)
• Clyde Hendrick and Susan Hendrick (1986) –extends of the
reserach conducted by John Lee in 1976.
• Theory of six basic love styles
Storge  companionate love
Eros  passionate love
Pragma  logical love
Ludus  game playing love
Mania  trouble love, possessive love
Agape selfless love
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 ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
• Romance: Moving Beyond Friendships
– Similarities and differences between romance and
friendships
• Similarities include the need to affiliate, positive
affect, proximity, physical attractiveness, similarity,
and mutual liking
• Differences include sexual attraction, physical
intimacy, reports of being in love, and a desire for
total approval and acceptance
– Romantic relationships involve three schemas: self,
partner, and relationship.

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Selecting a Potential Mate: Gender Differences
• Men and women both want a kind and intelligent partner
who is faithful.
• Males seek female attractiveness
–Evolutionary theory believes this is important since a
mate’s beauty is related to youth, health, and fertility
and will enhance a male’s reproductive success.
• Females seek males with resources
–Evolutionary theory believes this is important since a
woman’s reproductive success is improved by
choosing a mate who can protect and care for her and
their offspring.

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SELECTING ROMANTIC PARTNERS

a) Physical attractiveness

b) Possible Future Selves and Mate Preferences

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SECRET ROMANCE

• Romantic relationship is kept secret (risky relationship)

because of certain reasons:
- Parents
- Co-workers
• Lead to negative effect – physical and psychological health

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 LOVE AND MARRIAGE
• Love and Marriage: Careers, Parenthood, and Family
Composition
– Is it better to be married or to be unmarried?
• Married men report being healthier and happier
• Women in a satisfactory marriage report being
healthier

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Marital Success and Satisfaction
• Similarity and assumed similarity – married people are
similar to each other and their similarity remains stable
over time.
• Happily married couples believe they are more similar to
each other than they actually are.
• A positive relationship between similarity and marital
success exists.

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Love and Marriage
• Passionate love declines over time
• Companionate love is important to both spouses - work
inside and outside the home.
• Men tend to do most of the repairs – women do most of
the cleaning and cooking
Conflict –when the division of chores is perceived as
unfair.
• Dual-career spouses may experience difficulties – those
with secure attachment styles deal best with competing
demands between job and marriage.

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When Relationships Fail
• Despite people’s optimism when they marry, 50% of
marriages end in divorce in the United States – one divorce
in Malaysia every 10 minutes.
• Costs and benefits of marital interactions
Communal Behavior—benevolent acts in a relationship
that “cost” the one who performs those acts and benefit
the partner and the relationship itself
• Is associated with marital satisfaction
• Marital satisfaction is related to maximizing benefits and
minimizing costs.

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Problems between spouses
• Failure to understand the reality that spouse is not perfect.
• Jealousy regarding real or imagined attraction toward
someone besides the spouse – infidelity can be a result or
a cause of marital breakups.
• Conflict between desire for independence and the need to
be close to someone.

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Dealing with marital problems
• Best to use a constructive style that focuses on the topic
being discussed and attempts to resolve conflict
• Negative styles include avoidance, lashing out against the
partner, criticizing the partner, avoiding responsibility, and
asking hostile questions
 Men tend to practice avoidance
• Consider the long-term consequences of what is said and
done during conflicts.
 Create positive rather than negative affect

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Consequences of a failed relationship
• Spouses are likely to feel distressed and angry when marriage
fails.
 Ending the relationship or working to improve it
• Passive response to a failed marriage
 Waiting and hoping that the relationship will improve or
waiting for it to worsen
 People with secure attachment styles tend to work actively to
save a relationship.
 People with insecure attachment styles tend to end the
relationship or wait for it to get worse.

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• Children are victims of marital failures.
 They may experience negative long-term effects on their
health and well-being when their parents divorce.
 Parental conflicts are bad for children regardless if they
result in divorce.

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What are your thoughts?
– What have you learned regarding how to have a
successful marriage or long-term relationship?
• What are likely sources of conflicts?
– What is the best way to avoid these conflicts?
• What is an effective strategy to handle conflicts in a
relationship?
– What should be kept in mind if one divorces and
children are involved?

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THANK YOU

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