Session 3

In this session we
will be talking about
two important topics
pertaining to
marriage .
Topic 1 – Truth and Myths About
Marriage Sexuality
 Love and
Sex in
Marriage
Taken from Two Becoming – by Don and Sally Meredith
 The sexual drive is a
powerful drive God has
placed in men and
women
God has much to say about
sex in the Scriptures
Before we look at this
topic of sexual
relations, a word of
encouragement
First and foremost for a successful
sexual relationship remember……
God created the
sexual expression
In other words
Sex was God’s idea
God intended sex as a pleasure and
blessing within the confines of
marriage

Though God has intended sex as a

blessing for marriage, many
Christian couples develop
problems in the marriage.
The Question is why?

Why Do Problems Develop ?

There are a couple basic reasons
why couples experience
frustrations in their most intimate
of relationships
The Primary Reason is ……….

Cultural Programming
they have received.
The Film and Television industry
has create false sexual images.
It is implied that only
physically attractive
people succeed sexually .
And that great sexual
compatibility comes quickly
and easily.
 Meanwhile the wholesale
marketing of sex by
advertisers has contributed
significantly to the growth of
pornography.
Which result in False Images
False Comparisons

And Disappointment
GUILT
 These factors often
confuse and leave us
unsure of what God
really desires for us
sexually
 Second cause of sexual
frustration….

Is human nature

Each partner brings to the
bedroom different standards,
desires and inhibitions
We tend to blame our spouses when sex isn’t
as exciting as we dreamed it would be or as
exciting as Hollywood has portrayed it.
Ok What are the Biblical
Truths About the
Sexual Relationships ?

Truth 1 – Sexuality is God’s

Creation.
 Genesis 1:27
So God created man in
his own image, in the
image of God he
created him; male and
female he created
them.
 God created man and
woman as different
sexual entities so they
could become one flesh.
Remember
God created them ADAM and EVE-----
NOT…… ADAM and Steve
That was for a reason
 The creation of sexual
differences was no
accident, but a
deliberate part of God’s
unique plan.
God wants you to accept
your sexuality and to
seek positive fulfillment
in marriage
Genesis 1:31
God saw all that he had made, and
it was very good………..
That includes sex in the marriage
relationship
And as a result AFTER you get
married you are free to seek its
fullness.
Sex – Before Marriage
is a SIN
It is called fornication
It is one of the sins of the flesh –
Sexual Immorality
 If an engaged couple
finds themselves
engaging in premarital
sex , they need to
Recognize that it is a sin
in God sight.
God doesn’t say to avoid
premarital sex to take a way fun.
He says no because He loves you
and has a better plan.
Premarital sex is forgivable if we seek His
forgiveness.
 1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is
faithful and just and will
forgive us our sins and
purify us from all
unrighteousness.
Sex after marriage with someone
other than your spouse is also a
SIN

It is called adultery
It is also Sexual Immorality
 Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored
by all, and the marriage bed
kept pure, for God will judge
the adulterer and all the
sexually immoral.
God intended sex
and marriage to
produce children
and for pleasure
 Genesis 1:28
God blessed them and said to
them, "Be fruitful and increase
in number; fill the earth and
subdue it. Rule over the fish of
the sea and the birds of the air
and over every living creature
that moves on the ground."
 Psalm 127:3
Sons are a heritage
from the Lord,
children a reward
from him.
 Truth 1 - Sexuality is God’s creation
. Truth 2 – Physical Love is for Procreations and
Pleasure

Truth 3 – Physical
Love Demands a Time
Priority
 Deut. 24:5
If a man has recently married,
he must not be sent to war or
have any other duty laid on him.
For one year he is to be free to
stay at home and bring happiness
to the wife he has married.
 The Words “BRING
HAPPINESS” refers the
pleasure the husband and
wife can bring to each other.

Older men of God knew how vital

the sexual relationship was to
marriage. They allowed the couple
time to establish their relationship.
Not only is the honeymoon
important, the years to
follow require time and
effort to maintain mutual
satisfaction.
 Truth 1 - Sexuality is God’s creation
Truth 2 – Physical Love is for Procreations and
Pleasure.
Truth 3 – Physical Love Demands a Time Priority

Truth 4 – Love Requires

A Transfer Of Body
Ownership
Sexual love is so important
that the Bible suggest that
couples exchange rights to
their bodies for the sake of
their sexual oneness.
 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
The husband should fulfill
his marital duty to his wife,
and likewise the wife to her
husband. [4] The wife's body
does not belong to her alone
but also to her husband. In the
same way, the husband's body
does not belong to him alone
but also to his wife
 1 Corinthians. 7:5-6
Do not deprive each other
except by mutual consent and
for a time, so that you may
devote yourselves to prayer.
Then come together again so
that Satan will not tempt you
because of your lack of self-
control. [6] I say this as a
concession, not as a command.
One Commentator explains it this way
Paul adds the command that husbands and wives
are not to withhold these normal marital rights
from each other, except by mutual consent and
agreement, and that only for a specified purpose
and a specified period of time (v. 5).
This he says is so that they may spend time in
prayer--
So that they may exercise their rights
and privileges in communing with
God. But when this separate time of
prayer is over, the married pair are to
come together again, lest Satan tempt
one or the other partner with sexual
immorality..
Because of their possible lack of
sexual self-control. Paul
recognizes the strong but normal
sexual drive in the human being.

Taken from the Expositors Bible Commentary

Even though this aspect
of marriage is important
 But Let Me Say This…………
We must be considerate of one another in
matter of sexual relationships. There may
come a time in the marriage early or late
that one of the partners cannot fulfill their
marital rights to the other, for physical or
health reasons.
 This does not
mean the
marriage is over.
Marriage is more than
about the sex act.
If one spouse is unable to have
sex the couple must find other
ways to express their love to
each other.
And Remember…….

A relationship solely
based on sex is
doomed for disaster.
That is the reason that
many troubled
marriage list sexual
problems as one
contributing
factors.
 They base their happiness in
marriage on the sex act.
And when it is no longer there,
or what they think is should be
they feel the marriage is over.
 So in marriage the couple must also
focus on and develop other aspects of
their relationship as well.
Such as…
The Emotional
The Intellectual
And the Spiritual

Aspects of the couple’s relationship

 SO WHAT IS
LOVE
REALLY ?
It is more than just the sex act.

The Bible says………….

 1 Cor. 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does
not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
[5] It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is
not easily angered, it keeps no record of
wrongs. [6] Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth. [7] It always
protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres.
 THE WORD - LOVE
Used in this passage is

 Agape
This type of love is a self-giving love
An Affectionate Type of love
Kind of Love God Has For Us
As with all of God’s Word, we cannot truly
begin to understand love until we begin to
apply it in our lives.

Paul wants to carefully

. and honestly
measure our lives against these
characteristics of love
 love is active, it is something we
must do, not abstract or passive.
•Love does not simply feel patient,
it practices patience.
•Love does not simply have kind
feelings, it does kind things.
•Love does not simply recognize the
truth, it rejoices in the truth.
•Love is fully love only when it acts
 That’s why……
1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us
not love with words or
tongue but with actions
and in truth.
…
Paul is painting a portrait of love for
us here, and Jesus Christ is our
model for the painting.

He lived out in perfection all of

these virtues of love
 Love is Patient
Love practices being patient or
long–suffering, literally,
“long–tempered”
The word is commonly used almost exclusively
of being patient with people, rather than with
circumstances or events.
Love’s patience is the ability to be
inconvenienced or taken advantage of by a
person over and over again and yet not be upset
or angry.
 LOVE IS KIND
Just as patience will take anything from
others, kindness will give anything to
others, even to its enemies. Being kind is
the counterpart of being patient.

To be kind means to be useful, serving, and

gracious. It is active goodwill. It not only feels
generous, it is generous. It not only desires
others’ welfare, but works for it.
 When Jesus commanded His disciples,
including us, to love their enemies, He
did not simply mean to feel kindly about
them but to be kind to them.
“If anyone wants to sue you, and take
your shirt, let him have your coat also.
And whoever shall force you to go one
mile, go with him two” (Matt. 5:40–41).
 Love Is Not Jealous
Love and jealousy cannot exist at
the same time.
Where one is, the other cannot be.
Shakespeare called jealousy the
“green sickness.”
 One of the hardest battles a Christian
must fight is against jealousy.
There is always someone who is a little
better or who is potentially a little better
than you are.
We all face the temptation to jealousy
when someone else does something
better than we do. The first reaction of
the flesh is to wish that person ill.
 Jealousy is not a harmless sin.
• It was Eve’s jealousy of God,
sparked by her pride, to which Satan
successfully appealed.
She wanted to be like God, to have
what He has and to know what He
knows. Jealousy was an integral part of
that first great sin, from which all other
sin has descended.
 • The next sin mentioned in Genesis
is murder, caused by Cain’s jealousy
of Abel.
•Joseph’s brothers sold him into
slavery because of jealousy.
• Daniel was thrown into the lion’s
den because of the jealousy of his
fellow officials in Babylon
Jealousy can cause a wife or
husband to mistrust each
other.
other
That is why trust is so important in a
marriage. When you see your spouse
talking with a member of the opposite sex.
You do not become jealous because you
trust them and understand you have a
Commitment to One Another to love, and
honor each other and to remain faithful to
each other until death
 Proverbs 27:4
Anger is cruel and fury
overwhelming, but who
can stand before jealousy?
 Love Does Not Brag
When the loving person is himself
successful he does not boast of it.
He does not brag. 
It means to talk conceitedly.
Love does not parade its
accomplishments.
Bragging is the other side of jealousy.
Jealousy is wanting what someone else has.
Bragging is trying to make others jealous of what
we have.
 Jealousy puts others down;
bragging builds us up.
It is ironic that, as much as most
of us dislike bragging in others,
we are so inclined to brag
ourselves.
 C. S. Lewis called bragging the
“utmost evil.”
It is the epitome of pride,
which is the root sin of all sins.
Bragging puts ourselves first.
Everyone else, including God, must
therefore be of less importance to us.
It is impossible to build ourselves up
without putting others down.
 Jesus was God incarnate, yet never
exalted Himself in any way.
“Although He existed in the form of
God, [He] did not regard equality
with God a thing to be grasped, but
emptied Himself, taking the form of a
bond–servant, and … being found in
appearance as a man, He humbled
Himself” (Phil. 2:6–8).
 Think About This…..
Jesus, who had everything to boast of,
never boasted.
In total contrast, we who have nothing
to boast of are prone to boast.
Only the love that comes from Jesus
Christ can save us from flaunting our
knowledge, our abilities, our gifts, or
our accomplishments, real or imagined.
 Love Is Not Arrogant

Arrogance is big–headed;
Love is big–hearted.
 Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before
destruction, a haughty
spirit before a fall.
Love Does Not Act Unbecomingly
The principle here has to do with poor
manners, with acting rudely. It is not as
serious a fault as bragging or arrogance,
but it stems from the same lovelessness.
It does not care enough for those it is
around to act becomingly or politely.
It cares nothing for their feelings or
sensitivities. The loveless person is
careless, overbearing, and often crude.
Love Does Not Seek Its Own
Here is probably the key to everything.
The root evil of fallen human nature is
in wanting to have its own way.

R. C. H. Lenski, the well–known Bible

commentator, has said, “Cure
selfishness and you have just replanted
the garden of Eden.”
Adam and Eve rejected God’s way
so that they could have their own.
Self replaced God.
That is the opposite of
righteousness and the opposite of
love.
Love is not preoccupied with its
own things but with the interests of
others - Phil 2:4
Love Is Not Provoked
It means to arouse to anger, or
sudden outburst of emotion or
action.

Love guards against being

irritated, upset, or angered by
things said or done against it.
It is not provoked.
This does not rule out righteous
indignation. Love cannot
“rejoice in unrighteousness”
1 Cor. 13:6

To be angered by the
mistreatment of the unfortunate
or by the maligning and
contradiction of God’s Word is
righteous indignation
When Jesus cleansed the Temple,
He was angered at the profaning
of His Father’s house of worship
(Matt. 21:11–12).

But on the many occasions when

He was personally vilified or
abused, He did not once become
angry or defensive.
Like his Lord, The Apostle Paul was
only angered by the things that anger
God.
He responded strongly against such
things as heresy, immorality, and
misuse of spiritual gifts.

But he did not become angry at those

who beat him, jailed him, or lied
about him
 Love Does Not Take into
Account a Wrong Suffered
This is a bookkeeping term that means
to calculate or reckon, as when
figuring an entry in a ledger. The
purpose of the entry is to make a
permanent record that can be consulted
whenever needed.
In business that practice is necessary,
but in personal matters it is not only
unnecessary but harmful.

Keeping track of things done against

us is a sure way to unhappiness—our
own and that of those on whom we
keep records, especially our spouse
 “Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord
will not take into account” (Rom. 4:8).

It’s the same Greek word is used

often in the New Testament to
represent the pardoning act of God
for those who trust in Jesus Christ.
“God was in Christ reconciling the world to
Himself, not counting their trespasses
against them” (2 Cor. 5:19).
Once sin is placed under the blood of
Christ there is no more record of it.
It is blotted out, “wiped away” (Acts 3:19).
In God’s heavenly record the only
entry after the names of His
redeemed is “righteous,” because we
are counted righteous in Christ.
Christ’s righteousness is placed to
our credit. No other record exists.
 No wrong is ever recorded
for later reference.
Love forgives.

Someone once suggested that

love does not forgive and
forget, but rather remembers
and still forgives
 Resentment is careful to
keep books, which it
reads and rereads,
hoping for a chance to get
even.
Love keeps no books,
because it has no place for
resentment or grudges
 If God so completely and
permanently erases the record of
our many sins against Him, how
much more should we forgive and
forget the much lesser wrongs done
against us
That is especially true for
husbands and wives
 Love Does Not Rejoice in
Unrighteousness
Love never takes satisfaction
from sin, whether our own sin
or that of others.
Doing wrong things is bad enough
in itself; bragging about them
makes the sins even worse.
To rejoice in unrighteousness is
to justify it.
It is making wrong appear to be
right.

“Woe to those who call evil

good, and good evil,” Isaiah
warns, “who substitute darkness
for light and light for darkness”
(Isa. 5:20)
Rejoicing in sin
is wrong
because sin is an
affront to God.
 We cannot imagine taking
delight in a tragedy that befalls
a friend or loved one; yet when
we delight in sin, we are
delighting in that which offends
and grieves our heavenly Father
and which is tragedy to Him.
If we love God, what offends
Him will offend us and what
grieves Him will grieve us. “
 Love Rejoices with the
Truth
Love always rejoices in God’s truth and never
with falsehood or false teaching.

Love Bears All The Things

Love bears all things by protecting others
from exposure, ridicule, or harm
Love Believes All Things
Love is not suspicious or
cynical. It also believes in the
best outcome for the one who
has done the wrong—that the
wrong will be confessed and
forgiven and the loved one
restored to righteousness.
 Love Hopes All Things
Even when belief in a loved one’s
goodness or repentance is shattered,
love still hopes. When it runs out of
faith it holds on to hope.
As long as God’s grace is operative
human failure is never final.
Love Endures All Things
Endure is a military term used of an army’s
holding a vital position at all costs. Every
hardship and every suffering was to be
endured in order to hold fast.
Love holds fast to those it loves.
It endures all things at all costs.
It stands against overwhelming opposition and
refuses to stop bearing or stop believing or
stop hoping. Love will not stop loving.
NOW – Let me ask you
this as we close ……..
If we can put this type of
LOVE into practice in our
marriages, what kind of
marriage would we have ?
 Any
Questions ?