世界各地幽默的教训

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 ‘Now, a recent study from cardiologists at the
University of Maryland, has shown that laughter
may have a beneficial effect on the heart.’
Allen Klein
“ 现在，马里兰大学心脏病专家最近的一项研究
表明，笑可能对心脏有有益的影响。”
Allen Klein

幽默很重要，笑声确实可
以征服 ...... 人们生活得更
快乐、更健康、更长寿。

Humor matters, Laughter does conquer…

one lives happier, healthier and longer.
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 Humor From India
来自印度的幽默

In A Sex Education Class

A teacher asked his teenage students
in a sex education class 在性教育课上
the following question to start off his lesson: 一位老师在性教育课上问他的十
“Can anyone give me a good difference 几岁的学生以下问题来开始他的
between a Call Girl, A Girlfriend and a Wife”. 课程： “谁能告诉我应召女
The class fell silent for a while. Then 郎、女朋友和妻子之间的区别
Santokh Singh at the back of the class 吗？”班级里一时间陷入了沉
raised his hand, stood up and said loudly, 默。 然后班级最后面的桑托克 ·
“One is a PREPAID, the second is a 辛格举起手，站起来大声说道：
POSTPAID and the last one is “UNLIMITED”. “一个是预付费，第二个是后付
费，最后一个是“无限”。
There are students who, although
cheeky, are smart, creative and witty. 有些学生虽然厚脸皮，但很聪
They have to be handled wisely so that 明、有创造力、机智。 必须明
their potential can be developed. 智地对待他们，以便开发他们
的潜力。
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 Humor From America
来自美国的幽默

‘Going for a Lecture’

After boozing away at a bar for almost 4 hours,
‘ 去听讲座’
Dennis was somewhat tipsy and was in no
在酒吧喝了近四个小时后，丹尼
position to drive home. He decided to leave his
斯有点醉了，无法开车回家。
car at the car park and walk home.
他决定把车停在停车场，然后步
After walking unsteadily along for about 15
行回家。 他摇摇晃晃地走了大
minutes, he was stopped by a policeman.
约 15 分钟后，被一名警察拦
“What in the world are you doing out here at
住。 “你到底在这儿做什么？
2 am?” the police officer asked.
凌晨两点？” 警官问道。 “我
“I am going to a lecture,” Dennis replied.
要去听讲座，”丹尼斯回答道。
“Absurd! Who is going to give a lecture at this
“荒诞！ 这个时间谁来演
hour?” the officer asked.
讲？” 军官问道。 “我的妻
“My wife!” Dennis said.
子！” 丹尼斯说。

Husbands who booze are likely to

have problems and conflicts with 酗酒的丈夫很可能会与妻子产生问题
their wives. Beware of the danger of 和冲突。 谨防饮酒的危险。
drinking. 4
 humor From china 来自中国的幽默

Stains on Underwear
A man in China sent his pants and 内衣上的污渍
underwear to a laundry but when they came 中国一名男子把他的裤子和内裤送
back, the man was angry that there were still 到洗衣店，但当他们回来时，该男
stains on his underwear. So the following 子很生气，因为他的内裤上仍然有
week he attached a note saying 污渍。 因此，接下来的一周，他附
“Use more soap on the underwear”. 上了一张纸条，上面写着“在内裤
The following day when he picked up his 上多用肥皂”。 第二天，当他拿起
washed laundry there was a note on it. 洗好的衣服时，上面有一张纸条。
It read: 上面写着： “在厕所里做大事时
“Use more paper when doing your big 要多用纸。”
business in the toilet.”

In solving any problem between a manager of

a business and a customer, the use of polite 在解决企业经理和客户之间的任
and diplomatic language is very important. 何问题时，使用礼貌和外交语言
Insults and sarcasm would bring more 非常重要。 侮辱和讽刺会带来更
problems. 多问题。
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 humor From australia 来自澳大利亚的幽默

Vegetative State
Sam and his wife Agatha were in the living
植物人状态
room. Sam, who was lying on a reclining
萨姆和他的妻子阿加莎在客厅里。
chair told his wife, “I would like you to
躺在躺椅上的萨姆告诉他的妻子：
know that I never want to live a life in a
“我想让你知道，我永远不想过植
vegetative state, lying down like dead,
物人的生活，像死人一样躺着，依
dependent on some machine
赖于某些机器和瓶子里的液体。他
and fluids from a bottle.
的妻子从椅子上站起来，走到电视
His wife got up from her chair, went near
机旁边，拔掉插头，扔掉了萨姆储
the TV set, unplugged it and threw away all
存的所有啤酒瓶。
the bottles of beer Sam had stored.

There are people who live a very lazy 有些人过着非常懒惰和迟缓的生

and sluggish life and may not be aware 活，但他们可能没有意识到这一
of it. It is time they become more active 点。 现在是他们在做事时变得更
and constructive in doing things. 加积极和富有建设性的时候了。
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 Humor From malaysia 来自马来西亚的幽默

Arrogant Politician
An arrogant politician dressed pompously, once 傲慢的政治家
visited the psychiatric ward in a hospital. 一位衣着浮夸的傲慢政客，曾经参
All except one patient stood up and cheered, “Big 观过医院的精神科病房。除了一名
Shot! Big Shot!”. They clapped very loudly for the 病人外，所有人都站起来欢呼：
politician who felt an air of great importance. “大佬！ 大人物！”。 他们为那位
Then the politician noticed the patient sitting at the 感到举足轻重的政治家大声鼓掌。
corner of the ward who ignored him. 然后这位政客注意到坐在病房角落
“What’s the matter with him?” he asked the 的病人不理他。“他怎么了？” 他
psychiatrist on duty. “Why isn’t him giving me a 询问值班的精神科医生。 “他为什
warm welcome like the others?” 么不像其他人一样热烈欢迎我
“Oh!” the psychiatrist replied. “He has recovered 呢？”“哦！” 精神科医生回答
from his psychiatric condition 道。 “他的精神状况已经康复，将
and will be discharged today.” 于今天出院。”

Ignorant and foolish people can get 无知和愚蠢的人可能会对一些没

jealous or angry over something that does 有任何恶意或不道德意图的事情
not have any bad or immoral intention. 感到嫉妒或愤怒。 冷静和谨慎的
Calm and mindful investigation is wise. 调查是明智的。 7
 Humor From canada 来自加拿大的幽默

Too Hot…
One day as Jordan, a rich, middle-aged
man with an awful-looking pot belly, 太热…
stepped out of the shower, he said to his 有一天，乔丹，一个大腹便便的富
beautiful wife, Alice, “Darling, it’s just 有中年男人，从淋浴间出来，对他
too hot to wear clothes today. What do 美丽的妻子爱丽丝说：“亲爱的，
you think the neighbors would think 今天穿衣服太热了。 如果我穿着生
if I mowed the lawn 日套装去割草坪，你认为邻居会怎
么想？” “乔丹，你别试试这
wearing my birthday suit?”
个，”妻子回答道。“邻居们会认
“Don’t you try that, Jordan,” 为我嫁给你是为了你的钱！”
the wife replied.
“The neighbors would think I married
you for your money!”
我们确实有这样的例子：女人因
We do have cases when a woman
为爱情以外的原因嫁给男人。 原
marries a man for reasons other than
因包括金钱、地位和权力。 这样
love. The reasons include money, status
的婚姻可能不会长久。
and power. Such a marriage may not last. 8
 humor From africa 来自非洲的幽默

A WhatsApp Chat
A chat conversation took place between Chika
and his girlfriend Alala on Whatsapp:
WhatsApp 聊天
Alala: Hey there! Chika 和他的女朋友 Alala 在
Chika: Hey! Whatsapp 上进行了聊天：
Alala: Hope you are fine. Alala ：嘿！ 千卡：喂！ 阿拉拉：
Chika: Yeah! Busy though. 希望你一切都好。 千卡：是啊！ 虽
Alala: I have been thinking. Ever since you 然很忙。 阿拉拉：我一直在想。 自
slept with me, you don’t call any more and you 从你和我睡了之后，你就没有再给
have not text or given me any present. 我打电话，也没有给我发过短信，
也没有送过任何礼物。 为什么？ 为
Why? Why?
什么？ Chika ：你见过政治家赢得
Chika: Have you ever seen a politician still 选举后还在竞选吗？
campaigning after winning the election?

There are people who take advantage

of or exploit another person. Once they 有些人利用或剥削他人。 一旦他
get what they want they do not care 们得到了他们想要的东西，他们
about the other person anymore. 就不再关心别人了 .
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 Humor From england 来自英国的幽默

Smart Kindergarten Kid

It was Parents’ Day at the kindergarten. The teacher told
Mr. and Mrs. Flinders that their little boy Billy was very 聪明的幼儿园小朋友
smart. You’ll know what I mean when you hear his 那天是幼儿园的双亲节。 老师告诉
answers to some of my questions. 弗林德斯夫妇，他们的小男孩比利非
Teacher: Billy, What are three things we never eat 常聪明。 当你听到他对我的一些问
题的回答时，你就会明白我的意思。
before breakfast? 老师：比利，早餐前我们不吃的三样
Billy: Lunch, dinner and supper. 东西是什么？比利：午餐、晚餐和夜
Teacher: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what 宵。老师：如果把一顶白帽子扔进
will it become? Red Sea ，它会变成什么？比利：
Billy: Wet! 湿了！老师：如果我给你两只猫，然
Teacher: If I gave you two cats, then two more, and 后再两只，再两只，你会拥有多少
another two more, how many would you have, Billy? 只，比利？比利：七！老师：比利，
你确定吗？比利：是的，老师！ 你
Billy: Seven! 看，我家里已经养了一只猫了
Teacher: Are you sure, Billy?
Billy: Yes Teacher! You see, I have already one
cat at home! 有一些非常聪明和聪明的小
孩子。 有经验的好老师会知
There are young kids who are very smart and
道如何教育这样的孩子。
intelligent. Experienced and good teachers would
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know how to educate such children.
 Humor From japan 来自日本的幽默

The Japanese Mugger

An American tourist was confronted by a
mugger in Tokyo. The mugger threatened
the American with a Samurai sword. With a 日本抢劫犯
scowling face, he screamed at the 一名美国游客在东京遭遇抢劫犯。 抢
American’s face, “Give me all your money 劫犯用武士刀威胁美国人。 他板着
or else….” 脸，对着美国人的脸尖叫：“把你所
“Or else what?” the cool American asked. 有的钱都给我，否则……” “不然
The mugger, feeling somewhat confused 呢？” 那个冷静的美国人问道。劫匪
whispered, “Or else I will kill myself 有些疑惑，低声道：“不然我就自杀
in a Hara Kiri!” 了！”

When a person mind is filled with 当一个人的心灵充满焦虑、恐惧

anxiety, fear and panic, he can 和恐慌时，他就会失去思考能
lose his thinking ability. He can 力。 然后他就会说出愚蠢的话或
then utter foolish words or do 做出愚蠢的行为。
stupid actions. 11
 humor From germany 来自德国的幽默

The Report Card

One evening, a German father confronted
his son Franz, an 8-year old kid. 成绩单
Father: Franz, where is your school report 一天晚上，一位德国父亲与他 8 岁
card? You haven’t shown it to me yet. 的儿子弗朗茨对质。父亲：弗兰兹，
你的成绩单在哪里？ 你还没给我看
Franz: I don’t have it Daddy.
呢。 弗兰兹：爸爸，我没有。 父
Father: What do you mean? Are you lying? 亲：你什么意思？ 你在骗我吗？ 弗
Franz: No Daddy. My friend Josef 朗兹：没有，爸爸。 我的朋友约瑟
borrowed it. 夫借了它。 父亲：约瑟夫为什么要
Father: Why does Josef want your report 你的成绩单？ 弗兰茨：他想吓唬他
card? 的父母。
Franz: He wants to scare his parents.

It needs good Dhamma practice and 处理一些可能有问题的孩子需要

parenting skills to handle some children 良好的佛法修行和养育技巧——
who can be trying – they can lie, cheat 他们可能撒谎、欺骗和表现出不
and show undesirable behavior. 良行为。
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 humor From ireland 来自爱尔兰的幽默

Irish Whiskey 爱尔兰威士忌

Two Irish friends, Callahan and Donovan were 卡拉汉和多诺万这两个爱尔兰朋
drinking together at Callahan’s home. 友在卡拉汉家里一起喝酒。他们
After they had taken a few glasses of beer, 喝了几杯啤酒后，卡拉汉去地窖
Callahan went to the cellar and took out a bottle 拿出了一瓶陈年爱尔兰威士忌。
of old Irish whiskey. He then said to his friend 然后他对他的朋友多诺万说：
Donovan, “If I were to go and meet my Creator “如果我先去见我的造物主，你
first, will you pour this bottle of special Irish 会把这瓶特殊的爱尔兰威士忌倒
whiskey out onto my grave?” 到我的坟墓上吗？”多诺万回答
Donovan replied, “Do you mind if I pass the 说：“你介意我先让威士忌通过
whiskey through my kidneys first?” 我的肾脏吗？”

It is wise not to take up

明智的做法是不要养成喝酒的习
the habit of drinking.
惯。 人一旦上瘾，就很难戒掉。
Once a person gets addicted ,
会造成很多苦 .
it is very difficult to break the addiction.
It will cause much Dukkha. 13
 Humor From mexico 来自墨西哥的幽默

Tough Husband?
A big-sized and tough Mexican man married a pretty
老公强硬？
Mexican woman. After the wedding, he laid down the 一个身材高大、性格坚韧的墨西哥男
following rules for his wife: “I’ll be home when I want and 人娶了一个漂亮的墨西哥女人。 婚礼
if I want; I also choose the time to be home. Don’t nag me 结束后，他为妻子制定了以下规则：
over this. You have to prepare a scrumptious dinner ready “我想什么时候回家就什么时候回
unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go fishing, hunting , 家；只要我愿意，我就回家； 我也选
boozing and gambling with my buddies when I so desire 择回家的时间。 别再为这事跟我唠叨
了。 除非我另有说明，否则你必须准
and don’t you make a fuss of it.”
备一顿美味的晚餐。 只要我愿意，我
“These are my rules,” the husband said sternly. 就会和我的伙伴们一起去钓鱼、打
“Anything you want to say?” 猎、喝酒、赌博，别大惊小怪。”
His lovely wife said, “No, that’s fine with me. I just want “这是我的规矩。”丈夫严厉地说。
you to know that there’ll be sex here at nine o’clock every “你有什么想说的吗？”他可爱的妻
night – whether you are here or not.” 子说：“不，我没意见。 我只是想让
你知道，这里每晚九点都会发生性行
为——无论你是否在这里。”
A person who is demanding and very
unreasonable in his ways sometimes 一个要求很高、非常不讲道理的
needs to be taught a lesson to make him 人，有时需要给他一个教训，让
realize his bad behavior. 他认识到自己的不良行为。
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 “May you Laugh your way “ 祝您笑口常
to good Health. 开，身体健康。
May Wisdom be your 愿智慧成为你最
greatest Wealth!” 大的财富！”
Bro. Oh Teik Bin
With Metta,

The End
结束

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