LO: understanding writing to describe

requirements for 2nd piece of coursework.

STARTER –
 In 100 words, describe the room that you are
sitting in.

 Now, cut it down to 75 words. You must be

concise and play around with your sentence
structures and punctuation.
Coursework Portfolio
Candidates submit a portfolio of three assignments, each of about
500–800 words. The assignments may
be done in any order, and are:
• Assignment 1: informative, analytical and/or argumentative.
• Assignment 2: imaginative, descriptive and/or narrative.
• Assignment 3: a response to a text or texts chosen by the
Centre.

The text(s) should contain facts, opinions and arguments.

Candidates respond to the text(s) by selecting, analysing and
evaluating points from the material (reading objectives R1–R3).
They may write in any appropriate form they wish.
Different candidates in the same teaching set may choose to
respond in different forms.
Descriptive sample responses
 Two cities:
 Voice 1: From the rof of my city I see a tangled network of dusty streets and

sand-coloured buildings topped with red or brown roofs. I hear a symphony of

sounds, like the clatter of cattle and the distant horns of cars and trucks which
weave between the crowded inhabitants. There are cyclists and motorbikes too,
dodging in and out of the crowds, stopping, then going again. No one waits for
the traffic lights, although all take notice of the police officer in white gloves
waving people past.
 Voice 2: In my city as I look down, the rain smashes the puddles of the

pavements and glistens in the lamplight. Taxis move in straight lines up and
down the Royal Mile and deposit late-night shoppers or tourists. The buildings
are iron-grey in the evening rain and look so solid as stone robots. I am
pleased to be here to escape my parents and watch the world go by. They
don’t usually allow me on the roof of the apartment but they have tonight.
 Voice 1: The evening fades and the baking sun slowly slides down over the

edge of the city. But nothing stops and the city never sleeps. Just new people
appear. New cars and workers going to night time work. Everything seems
jumbled up like whoever built the city just threw all the buildings up in the air
and let them fall on the ground like playing a game.
 Voice 2: Office workers are trudging home, umbrellas up. They look like

flowers from above. The street lamps are necklaces along the streets. I hear my
mother calling me to come down and I must be needed but I will come up here
Recommended Band 2
 Stronger descriptive elements in Voice 1. –
creates some nice contrasts with 2nd voice.
 Slips into narrative in voice 2 – weakness
 Lovely imagery and vivid detail in parts – not

consistent.
The City is an Ocean.
Like a huge, silver eel the highway curls around the coral buildings, suffocating
the little roads and paths, like tiny minnows. It growls and snarls and swallows
onrushing vehicles and throws them out again, forever hungry and never
satisfied.
In offices, sharks prowl the corridors in business suits, their jagged words
cutting down their enemies. Smaller fish – little frightened crabs, scuttle into
rooms to avoid their bosses and cower behind doors or under desk, afraid they’ll
be netted. The shark’s narrow eyes settle on a useless bloater, a slow moving
salesman who failed to hide. He’s not been selling much so the shark snaps him
up and sends him home never to return.
Above the city
The sky is another ocean
Serene, still and deep blue
It reminds all fish of other peaceful worlds
Where no nets come and food is free.
On the streets, married couples and friends cling to each other like sea-urchins,
wrapping their fronds and spines around each other’s bodies. They sway along
the pavement in the breeze, fearful of being swept up by the tide of time. It’s
only six hours till work begins again.
In the city
The waves sleep and the eel settles.
It eats but now more slowly
Half-watching, waiting, ready
For the rush.
Recommended Band 1
 Original and appropriate to purpose
 Extended metaphor effective – looking at

place from a new perspective.

 A little forced at times (shark/bloater ideas)
 Inclusion of poetry – unusual yet engaging.
 Describe a park on a Summer day
 They call it Magic Kingdom. I call it torture. They say that the magic never ends but as I look around I can
only see that the queuing never ends. There are people in curling and zigzagging lines, crushed together
and restraining bored children from escaping. The noise is brutal. Sweet, sugary Disney songs burn at
your ears and bring bile to your throat. Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse march beneath the American
flag and spout American propaganda to the millions of gullible people lured to this tasteless American
Theme Park.
 The theme park is consumerism gone mad. There are shops everywhere, where little girls can buy Snow
White’s dress or Cinderella’s Ball Gown for eighty dollars. On every corner is a stand selling hot dogs or
cakes, at grossly inflated prices. People line up for everything. There are queues for ice-cream, queues
for drinks, queues for rides and people just mill about joining one queue and then another in the quest
for the ultimate theme park experience.
 Hordes of people go to visit Mickey’s House, where inanimate objects come strangely to life and spout
more Disney songs at the push of a button. The never-ending line grows bigger and bigger, never
diminishing, as more people join to have a photo with Mickey Mouse. Behind the secret doors, where the
next in line gets to meet this ambassador for America, stand four sweaty humans dressed in identical
Mickey Mouse costumes, but secreted away in different compartments lest a tourist should spy this
facade, and the great dream becomes shattered for them forever.
 People. People. People. Tall, short, thin, fat. Every culture, every ethnic origin and cultural diversity
joined together exploring a profit making myth. Men, women and children being robbed of their hard
earned savings in the name of the greatest theme park adventure in the world. Exploitation which is
legal.
 Rides reach the sky. Ice cream melts to the floor. Money melts in the pocket. Children cry with
exhaustion. Mothers worry about the bills on their mat at home, and fathers bend under the weight of
the babies they carry. More people than you can ever imagine are at this legend of a theme park. Heat,
sweat, exhaustion, ‘dollars, dollars and more dollars. The incredible consumerism in this incredible
adventure of fake dreams.
 I survey the scene of madness and find repulsion in my own part in the dynasty of theft. There is
nowhere in the world quite like it. The crowds, the sweltering heat, the gaudy images and the heavily
Describe questions

 Describe the view from your bedroom window.

 Describe a park on a summer and then a winter’s day.
 Describe your home.
 Describe a nightmare world.
 Describe a place that is special to you.
 Describe a town in the day and then at night.
 Describe a visit to the doctor or dentist.
 Describe a deserted beach
 Describe a journey you have been on
 Describe a shopping mall when it is open and then closed.
 Describe yourself.
 Describe a funfair – deserted or lively.
 Describe a shop on Christmas Eve.
 Describe a person/place you know well.
Descriptive writing checklist
 Well developed and well-defined ideas
(offering depth and detail to descriptions)
 Clear focus on establishing a

setting/atmosphere to evoke a picture

 Well chosen imagery, sensory language and

sentence variety to bring it to life.

 Clear structure – chronological or shifting

perspective
 Show rather than tell the reader about the

scene.
Planning makes perfect…
 Use your plan to create a clearly structured
description.
Plenary – pass the story
 Write a sentence that is a continuation of the
previous one. You must try to use a different
device or punctuation feature in each one.
Once you have written one, pass your book
on.
 As I gazed at the house I grew up in, my heart sank
at the sight of the ivy that smothered the walls and
the brickwork which, like my memories, was
crumbling away.
Remember to avoid going
into a story!