Being Kind to

Yourself
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Being Kind to Yourself
Kindness is often a quality we value and look for in other people. While it is
important to be kind to others, it is also important to be kind to ourselves.
Showing ourselves kindness can be an effective way to reduce stress and
improve our overall wellbeing. The steps we take to be kinder to ourselves
can also in turn make us happier, healthier and more satisfied with our lives.
We may refer to the act of being kind to ourselves as ‘self-care’. There are
many different ways we can practise self-care, and this may look different for
different people.

How do you show yourself kindness?

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What Is Self-Care?
Self-care is about looking after ourselves. This may include maintaining a
healthy lifestyle, being kind to ourselves and seeking out help when we
need it. By practising self-care, we can make sure to look after both our
physical and mental health.

When we think of self-care, we may think about doing things that we enjoy
and that calm us, such as reading a book or taking a bath. While these
activities are a good example of self-care, self-care can be varied and include
a range of activities. It also may look different to different people.
Some of the ways we can practise self-care include:
• eating healthily • spending time with loved ones
• exercising regularly • engaging in positive self-talk
• getting enough sleep • setting healthy boundaries
• doing the things we enjoy • asking for help when needed
Setting Healthy Boundaries
A physical boundary is a line that marks the limit of an area. As well as
physical boundaries, people also have mental and emotional boundaries. In a
relationship, boundaries help to define what a person is comfortable with
and how they would like to be treated by others.
Setting healthy boundaries is an essential part of self-care that can apply to
any area of our lives. For example, we can set boundaries in our relationships,
including friendships and family relationships. We can also set boundaries for
ourselves as a way to avoid excess stress and burnout, for example by
limiting the time we spend revising or doing school work and spending more
time doing the things we enjoy.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Look at the different examples of healthy boundaries and answer the
following questions:
• What kind of relationship might this boundary relate to?
• How might setting this boundary improve someone’s wellbeing?

not hugging or asking somebody to give taking a

kissing someone if you personal space, either break from
you don’t want to physically or otherwise social media

not taking on other taking a break from, or clearly

people’s problems as ending relationships that communicating your
your own you consider unhealthy needs

putting a time limit setting boundaries around saying ‘no’ to social

on revision so you how people talk to you, for events when you
can do the things example asking someone need to spend time
you enjoy not to shout at you by yourself
Respecting Boundaries
Just as it is important to set healthy boundaries for ourselves and our
relationships, it is also essential that we are able to respect the boundaries
that other people set, even if we may not fully understand them.
Sometimes, a person may set a boundary with us that we do not expect, and
this can make us feel surprised or upset. For example, a friend may decide to
spend less time with us, or someone we are in a romantic relationship with
may not want to kiss us at a particular time.
Although we may perceive these boundaries as rejections, it is important to
respect the other person’s decision. It is also important to be kind to
ourselves when somebody else sets a boundary with us, by not internalising
any negative feelings or blaming ourselves.
Practising Self-Care
Looking after our health
There are many actions we can take to stay healthy. For example, eating a
balanced and varied diet can improve our mental health, as well as improving
our physical health. Getting enough sleep is important to allow your mind to
rest and reset – most young people need between 8 and 10 hours of sleep a
night. Furthermore, exercising regularly comes with several benefits, for
example helping to clear your mind and relieve stress.
Doing things we enjoy
By participating in activities that make us happy, we are actively doing
something to make ourselves feel good. Hobbies can greatly contribute to
individual happiness, whether they are things you do by yourself or activities
you do with other people.
Spending time with loved ones
It can make us feel good to be around people who we are close to, such as
friends and family members. Talking to people we love, sharing our feelings
and spending time together are all ways to reset and be kind to ourselves.
Positive Self-Talk
Self-talk does not necessarily mean talking to ourselves out loud, but rather
the internal conversations we have with ourselves. Self-talk can be positive or
negative. Negative self-talk may include blaming ourselves for things that go
wrong, focusing on the negative side of a situation instead of the positive, or
expecting the worst from ourselves or from others.
Thinking positively and engaging in positive self-talk can help us achieve
goals, manage stress and boost our self-esteem. It is important to reframe
our negative thoughts in order to be kinder to ourselves. For example, if we
try a new challenge and find it difficult, we should focus on being proud of
our effort, rather than being frustrated at ourselves for finding it hard or not
succeeding straight away.
Often, we can be kinder to others than we are to ourselves, and tell ourselves
negative things that we would never say to another person. A good activity to
try when we find ourselves engaging in negative self-talk is to think of how we
would speak to a friend if they were in our situation.
Positive Self-Talk
Positive affirmations are one way to boost our self-esteem and mental
wellbeing. It may feel silly at first, but if we look at ourselves in the mirror
each day and find positive things to say about ourselves, even if we don’t
believe it at first, this can change our mindset and make us happier within
ourselves over time.
If you are struggling with negative self-talk, it may be a good idea to speak to
a mental health professional about reshaping the way you see yourself and
focusing on the positives.

Think of as many things as you can that are positive about yourself or
that you like about yourself. This might be to do with intelligence, a skill,
something you like physically or any other attributes.

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Asking for Help
Although there are steps we can take to be kind to ourselves, this might not
always be enough if we are struggling with our mental health. This does not mean
we have failed; we might just need further support. Many people struggle with
their mental health at some point in their lives, and there is nothing wrong with
seeking help to try to improve your wellbeing. Speaking to a medical professional
may be right for you to get the support you need. They might offer treatments
such as:
• Counselling – where you talk about your feelings and experiences to a trained
counsellor or therapist, who can help you work through things and give you
techniques to manage your emotions and improve your wellbeing.
• Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) – this may help you explore how you think
about things and make positive changes.
• Group therapy or peer support – where people who are experiencing similar
issues come together to talk about their feelings as a group.
• Guided self-help – following a programme that provides helpful tools and
techniques to develop healthy strategies to cope with your feelings.
If a doctor feels it is needed, you may also be given medication to treat mental
health conditions, such as antidepressants.
Further Information
For more information about self-care, being kind to yourself and taking care
of your mental health, you may wish to visit the following sites:

Mental Health Foundation (www.mentalhealth.org.uk)

Mind (www.mind.org.uk)

Rethink Mental Illness (www.rethink.org)

Childline (www.childline.org.uk)