Parenting Teenagers

 Challenges facing youths today

 Understanding youth trends
 Understanding our teenagers
 Youths at risk
 How to love our teenagers
SHERMEEN TAN
 18 years working experience
 worked with families, youths and
families
 Corporate trainer
 BA, MBA and Diploma in Montessori
method of education
 EQ coach and Behavioural Consultant
Introduction
 15 – 29 years
 13-18 years old

 At what age do we really have to take

note?

 Parenting teenagers perplexing?

Challenges facing our
teenagers
 Complex world
 Different from those of their parents
 Changing landscape
Challenges facing our
teenagers
 Family :
 Increasing female participation – more
mothers working
 Increasing smaller extended family
 Both parents working
 Increasing divorce rates
 Decreasing family size
Challenges facing our
teenagers
 Education :
 Increasing educational level
 Students spend more time at school
 Large emphasis on education
 Immense pressures and stress
Challenges facing our
teenagers
 Work :
 Knowledge-based economy
 Increase foreign talents
 Overseas work
 Retrenchment and uncertainty
 Part-time work
Challenges facing our
teenagers
 Leisure :
 Increasing affluence
 Influence of internet and media
 Peer relationships are formed
Youth Trends
 National Youth Council – survey
 Findings :
 Strong relationships between youths
and parents
 Easier to communicate with mothers
than fathers
 Generation gap
Youth Trends
 Do not talk to parents about BGR
 Parenting styles – high support-high
challenge leads to competency and
well-being
 Friends as emotional support
Understanding our teenagers
 Great changes
 2 major issues :
 Self-definition – Who am I
 Independence
Understanding our teenagers
 Erikson – Identity crisis

 Bandura – Storm and stress

 Tension, dependency, conflicts, peer

groups, fads and relationships
Understanding our teenagers
 Great changes :
 Physical and Mental
 Teenage clumsiness
 Sexual characteristics are developing
 Intellectual growth spurt
Understanding our teenagers
 Great changes :
 Age of reason
 Think logically

 Thinking about sexuality and marriage

 Questioning about the future
Understanding our teenagers
 Implication:
 Scenarios are different but means of
expression is the same :
 Music, dance, fashion, fad and
relationships
Understanding our teenagers
 3 key questions :
 Change of our roles - control and nag
 Our new roles - friend, confidante,
coach and facilitator
 set clear boundaries wrt time, money,
friends and behaviour
Understanding our teenagers
 3 key questions :
 Academic change - outsource
 distance in relationships

 different religious inclination -

independent thinking
Youths at risk
 3 indicators :
 how teenager is using his time
 how he is using his money
 unpredictable behaviour
Youths at risk
 Dysfunctional families/ families under
stress
 Parents marital relationships
 Wrong/unhealthy peer groups
Youths at risk
 Smoking
 Substance abuse
 Juvenile delinqency
 Suicide rates ( 2 per month )
 Protection orders
 Sexuality
Youths at risk
 16% of youth population
 majority are mainstream teenagers
How to love our teenagers
 Desire to feel connected, accepted and
nurtured by parents

 Love, listen, communication, empathy

and bonding
1st Language of love
 Words of affirmation
 Praise – sincere and specific
 Praise both efforts and results

 Words of affection
 “ I love you “
2nd Language of love
 Physical touch
 Hugs, kisses, strokes, massage, arm
wrestling
 Slaps, pushes, shaking, hitting, shoves,
choking – abusive
 Do it privately
 Do not touch when teenager is angry
3rd Language of love
 Quality time/activities
 Togetherness
 Guidelines :
 Maintain eye contact
 Listen and give full attention
 Listen for feelings
 Observe body language
3rd Language of love
 Refuse to interrupt
 Ask questions – 5Ws and 1 H
 Express understanding
 Use I statements

 Different levels of Communication

4th Language of love
 Acts of Service
 Service – true expressions of emotional
love
5th Language of love
 Gifts
 Visible, tangible evidence of love
 Underserved gift
Discovering your teenager’s love
Language
 Ask questions
 Observe
 Experiment
Conclusion
 Every year, ask :

 What/how is my teenager feeling?

 What/how is my teenager thinking?

 How is my teenager behaving?

Conclusion
 Communication – listen, empathy,
bonding
 Give them space but with boundaries
 EQ for parents
 Multiple intelligence
Conclusion
 Character development/right values
 CCA
 community service/church activities