Family Dynamics

and
Boundaries
Kristia B. Barrete
WHAT IS FAMILY DYNAMICS?

Family dynamics are the patterns of

interactions between family members (roles,
hierarchies, and communication between
family members).
Our family dynamics can significantly impact our mental
health in both positive and negative ways. Because of this, it’s
important to understand how your own family dynamics have
shaped you.
Various factors influence our family dynamics, including:

• Family members’ ages

• Family members’ personalities
• The relationship between the parents of a family
• A parent who is relaxed or strict
• An absent parent
• Intergenerational homes
6 types of
family
dynamics
 1. Authoritarian
One family member is very controlling. They expect
others to follow them without negotiation or
questioning.
 2. Authoritative
This also involve rules and consequences, but not in the
same way as authoritarian dynamics. One individual sets
the rules while validating other family members’ feelings
and respecting their opinions.
 3. Competitive

There is a sense of rivalry within the household,

as members try to outshine their relatives.
 4. Uninvolved

Family members aren’t present to one another,

even when they’re in the same room. There is often
a lack of support and guidance.
 5. Communal
Emphasizes the family as a community in which
every member makes a contribution. Individual
opinions are respected, and all voices are heard.
 6. Alliance-based
Alliance-based dynamics lead to members of the family
grouping together and playing off each other. Certain
family members form alliances in order to gain leverage
over other members of the family. They agree to work
together for mutual interest. This agreement can be
explicit or implied.
 Examples of
healthy family dynamics
1. Open communication

Each member of the family should be encouraged to

speak for themselves, rather than there being one
person whose word is the law.
2. Emotional support

Emotional support is when everyone is allowed to

communicate their anxieties, fears, and sorrows.
3. Shared responsibility and authority

Shared responsibility and authority mean one or both parents aren’t

responsible for everything. They also are not the only ones involved
in making decisions.

The hallmarks of shared power and responsibility include respect and

inclusivity. It also means creating opportunities for children or other
family members to lead.
4. Balance between work and family

A lack of balance between work and family can be a source of

conflict within the family and at work. Greater balance
between the two can diminish conflict and lead to healthy
relationships in both areas.
5. Expressing interest in each other’s lives

By taking an interest in each other’s lives, family

members make each other feel valued and included.
6. Providing support and discipline to children

The key to this is to be loving, but also to provide a

structure that supports the children’s well-being.
7. Shared respect

Allowing everyone to have a voice is an important

part of family dynamics. In this family culture of
mutual respect, constructive conflict is embraced.
8. Creating a safe, loving environment

A safe and loving environment is one in which parents set

good examples, stay positive and display affection. These
family dynamics help members nurture relationships and
build strong human connections.
 Boundaries
How to step back from toxic family
dynamics
1. Setting boundaries in your family relationships

The key to setting boundaries is to be firm but kind. Listen

to what your family members have to say, but seek to take
care of yourself.
2. Expressing your concerns

Everyone should be able to express their feelings without

being criticized or interrupted by other members.
3. Practicing self-care
According to Laurel Daly, toxic family dynamics can place stress on
you in various ways. Toxic family members may ignore your
emotions, insult you, or gossip about you.

The negative effect on your self-esteem could lead to you

forgetting about self-care. One element of a self-care plan is taking
time out for yourself, so you can do things that make you feel good
about yourself. Another element of self-care is to identify and deal
with toxic family members.
4. Seeking professional help

Seeking professional help from a counselor or family therapist

can provide you with the support you need to take those first
steps. In this sense, seeking family therapy is a form of self-
care.
5. Developing your emotional regulation skills

Emotional regulation involves regulating your actions and

responses triggered by emotions. You can develop your
skills through self-awareness, mindful breathing, and self-
compassion.
6. Determining the root of toxic behavior
Identifying toxic behaviors and communicating your concerns about
them isn’t enough. You should try to determine the root of those
behaviors, too. Some toxic behaviors that affect family dynamics exist
because no one sets any boundaries.

Other behaviors may be a result of mental health concerns. Identifying

the root of that behavior could lead to positive changes.
 Understand your family dynamics.

Understanding past and present family dynamics

is an essential part of personal transformation.
Family Patterns
What are family patterns?

A characteristic quality of the relationship between

the members of a particular family (e.g., between
parents and children).
The following are some examples of these patterns: One or both
parents have addictions or compulsions (e.g., drugs, alcohol,
promiscuity, gambling, overworking, and/or overeating) that have
strong influences on family members. One or both parents threaten or
use physical violence as the primary means of control.
Family patterns of behavior are often handed down from one
generation to the next. For example, if our mother cried over little
things and was easily stressed, we are more likely to experience the
same kind of behavior. On the flipside, if our grandfather modeled
how to not stress over little things, we may be more likely to display
a high tolerance for stress.