THEOLOGY 2

UNIT 3: LESSON B
PROXIMATE PREPARATION
FOR MARRIAGE
1. DATING
2. COURTSHIP
3. ENGAGEMENT
Case Study:
Look for two celebrity couples
a) who had a whirlwind romance that failed, and
b) one who endured and ends up in a successful
marriage.
1. If you were one of the couples, what do you do to adjust
to the differences in your partner without losing who
you are before entering marriage?
2. What are the discernable traits that made their
relationship thriving?
 In this day and age,
are dating, courtship, and
engagement still relevant?
Write a Literature Review on the popular concepts of Dating,
Courtship, and Engagement.
1. DATING IN GENERAL
❑ Western culture.
Marriage is typically
preceded by a period of
dating. Dating is, in its
broadest sense, getting
to know someone and
letting them get to
know you so that you
can decide whether you
are interested in
spending more time
together.
❑ Philippine context
Dating, courtship, and
engagement are
passages of marriage
between the couples to
see and exercise due
diligence for the proper
and acceptable
progression of love
before transcending it
into a lifetime
relationship.
 Psych2Go. The 8 Stages of Dating. January 5, 2020. Video:
5:19. https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=X6Hk7hIAStw&t=2s

Two Kinds of Dating:

Chapman

Casual dating.
Committed dating.
Typically nonexclusive,
Much more serious than
that is, one or both of the
casual dating and is
individuals may also
normally perceived as an
have dating relationships
exclusive relationship.
with other people.
2. COURTSHIP
❑ An act of seeking to gain love
or affection with a view
toward marriage. American Heritage
Dictionary

❑ A personal and mutual

commitment of two people
willing to investigate the
possibility of marriage, which
presupposes the possibility of
an actual mature love
relationship that will lead to
engagement.” Gary and Anne Marie
Ezzo
 Brainy Dose. 5 Stages of Relationship Everyone
Should Know. June 22, 2019. Video, 9:21.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=mLqXfYbvpWg&t=6s

Three Phases of
Courtship :
❑ Exploration
❑ Confirmation
❑ Pledging
❑ Exploration
 Courtship is not for strangers.
 Only after the couple develops a
friendship should courtship be
considered.
 To enter the exploration phase of
courtship is to acknowledge that
marriage is a possibility but not a
promise.
 The basic purpose of this phase is to
allow the couple to explore and
discover their own emotions beyond
that of simple friendship.
❑ Confirmation
❖ The couple gets to know each another
more deeply.
❖ The couple learns lessons of give and
take, overcoming frustrations, and
handling jealousies, insecurities,
misunderstandings, tenderness, and
the exaltation of the other.
❑Pledging
❖The time when a new
community is created deep
in the soul.
❖During this phase of
emotional maturation, the
image of marriage is
exchanged for the reality.
❖ There is absolute
solidarity of thinking and
feelings toward each other.
• At the end of a
successful courtship
is engagement.

• An engagement ring
is appropriate, along
with a public
announcement of the
intentions of the
couple to be married
in the future.
1. DATING

❑ “There is no one specifically Catholic understanding of

dating. Dating is not mentioned in the Bible or in the
Catechism of the Catholic Church. Neither the Church
Fathers nor recent popes have talked about dating.” Jason E.
King in his booklet entitled Dating: A Practical Catholic Guide
Four Basic Points to Keep in Mind
When Dating:

❑ Know Your Intentions

Dating is a time to learn more about
yourself through a relationship with others.
It is a time to see what qualities you need
and like in others. When not limiting
yourself to a certain type you will discover
new and valuable aspects of each person.
 Communication is an important factor in any relationship but
especially a dating one. One must be honest about one’s own
Stick to Your intentions. All relationships need boundaries. A boundary for
Boundaries a practicing Catholic is chastity, refraining from sexual
activity before marriage. Doing this helps build intimacy
within the relationship without having sex.
Have Fun
❑ Dating is fun if you enter into it with the
mentality of enjoying the present moment. When
you start to date someone, take the time to get to
know them. Rushing into a serious relationship
can add too much pressure. Just enjoy the time
you have with that person in the present moment;
tomorrow will take care of itself. Some fun date
ideas include museums, art galleries, bowling,
“malling”, movies, dinner, and parks.
Trust in God while dating
In dating, we ask God to lead
us to the person who will
become our spouse.

We ask God that in dating

someone, we will have the
opportunity to know each other
more deeply. And that in the
process, we will be able to
develop a friendship that will
last.
2. COURTSHIP

Courtship is an intentional and purposeful process carried out with marriage as the
ultimate goal.
It assumes and requires age-readiness for marriage while dating does not. Courtship
presupposes the possibility of an actual mature love relationship that will lead to
engagement hence a personal and mutual commitment of two people willing to
investigate the possibility of marriage.
Courtship is not a
guarantee of engagement
or marriage but a
controlled step toward it;
it must have some
objective guides that will
allow either party to stop
the process or slow it
down.
Courtship stage is where one learns
to:
First, imbibe the virtues that are
necessary for sustaining a healthy and
life-long relationship;

Second, make sacrifices for the other

by practicing self-denial and mastery
over one's sexual urges.

Third, give the other the best chance

in life, provide for their future
children's upbringing, and lead each
other to heaven.
Catholic courtship, is the period
after the completion of spiritual,
mental, and financial
preparations. You have to have it
right with God, have it right
with yourself, and have it right
with your finances, especially
the man, before you begin
considering courtship and
marriage if you want a life-long,
healthy, happy, and fulfilling
marriage.
3. ENGAGEMENT
Good Reasons and Value of an
Engagement Period (Paul E.
Cantrell):

❖ It is a time for the couples

to begin the serious
planning of their lives
together.

❑ Important questions need to

be settled at this time, such
as: how will they be able to
provide for the economic
needs of the family, where
will they live, and how will
they care for their children.
 ❑ To get to know the person, the couples need to be in a
relaxed situation with friends and families so all can
❖ It is a final testing time get better acquainted and see how they fit in with each
other's friends and family.
before the couple gets ❑ Remember, you are not only married to the person,
married. but her friends and family go along with her too in
most instances.
❖ It is a time to learn to
get along with each
other more seriously.

❑ It would help if you talked

about a lot of things. You
need to know how you
still feel about the other
person when you disagree
on some fundamental life
issues.
❑ It probably would help if
you got in an argument to
see how you would deal
with strong disagreement.
❖ It is a time to see one another
as they are.
❑ In dating, there is an effort to
show your best self. It will help
if you get to know your spouse
for who he/she is.
❑ Many had married too quickly
before they knew the person and
found out too late that they had
married the wrong person.
❑ Try to plan situations wherein,
as couples, you will evaluate
whether you want to live with
each other for the rest of your
lives, which can be a critical
issue for the girl because she is
to be in a submissive role in the
home.
 ❑ It is great to be with that person you feel that you love
❖ It is a time to get dearly, but you also need to be around their friends and
better acquainted family.
with family and ❑ Make plans where this will happen often. Evaluate each
friends. other's friends and family.
 ❑ During this time, conduct yourselves well, do not take
chances of being alone too much or too often that
❖ Caution is necessary so allows strong temptations.
that neither shame nor
regret is caused. ❑ A mistake in judgment may happen, but it will require
more significant effort to regain the trust – not only
from your future spouse but from friends and family
also.
 Psych2Go. 12 Early Signs a Relationship Wont Last. August 4, 2020.
Video, 7:47. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCZdN_PL0f4&t=4s

Psych2Go. 12 Signs You are in a Healthy Relationship. August

29, 2018. Video, 4:51. https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=kCQIDvEnrTg&t=188s

❑ The engagement period is a testing period. You are not yet

married.
❖ The marriage can be
called-off if one or ❑ You should not act and conduct your associations as
though you are married! If after sufficient time elapses,
both realize it is a one or both feel it is a mistake – there is no shame in
mistake. calling off the wedding plans!
Create a short video (3-5 min infomercial) on the
theme: “Marriage I Have Always Wanted”
explaining the characteristics, challenges, and
responsibilities of each stage of the Proximate
Preparation for Marriage.