Interpersonal Skills

Lecturer
Practice & Implementation
By Indra Gamayanto, M.ITM
Chapter 1 What are Interpersonal
Skills?
• Interpersonal skills are the life skills we use every day to
communicate and interact with other people, individually and in
groups.
• Interpersonal skills include not only how we communicate with
others, but also our confidence and our ability to listen and
understand. Problem solving, decision making and personal stress
management are also considered interpersonal skills.
• People with strong interpersonal skills are usually more successful
in both their professional and personal lives. They are perceived as
more calm, confident and charismatic - qualities that are often
endearing or appealing to others. Being more aware of your
interpersonal skills can help you improve and develop them. Skills
You Need provides an extensive library of articles to help you learn
about and improve your interpersonal skills.
 Develop your interpersonal skills
• There are a variety of skills that will help you to
succeed in different areas of life and Skills You
Need has sections covering many of these.
However, the foundation for many areas of our
lives is good interpersonal skills since these are
relevant to our personal relationships, social
affairs and professional lives and are the basis on
which we can develop other life skills. Unlike
specialized and technical skills (hard skills),
interpersonal skills (soft skills) will be used every
day and in every area of our lives.
• Here, you can find out how to develop specific interpersonal skills
including:
Learn to Listen
Listening is not the same as hearing. Take time to listen carefully to
what others are saying through both their verbal and non-verbal
communication. (More on Listening Skills)

Choose Your Words

Be aware of the words you are using when talking to others. Could you
be misunderstood or confuse the issue? Practice clarity and learn
to seek feedback to ensure your message has been understood.
Encourage others to engage in communication and use appropriate
questioning to develop your understanding. (More on Verbal
Communication, Questioning and Effective Speech)
Understand Why Communication Fails
By learning about the various barriers to good communication you can
be aware of - and reduce the likelihood of - ineffective interpersonal
communication. (See Barriers to Communication)

Relax
When we are nervous we tend to talk more quickly and therefore less
clearly. Being tense is also evident in our body language and other
non-verbal communication. Instead, try to stay calm, make eye contact
and smile. Let your confidence shine. (Learn about Non-Verbal
Communication, Personal Appearance and some top tips for Dealing
with Stress also see our page on Coping with Presentation Nerves.)
Clarify
Show an interest in the people you talk to. Ask questions and seek
clarification on any points that could be easily misunderstood. (See Reflection
and Clarification)

Be Positive
Try to remain positive and cheerful. People are much more likely to be
drawn to you if you can maintain a positive attitude. (More on Personal
Presentation and Building Confidence)

Empathies
Understand that other people may have different points of view. Try to see
things from their perspective. You may learn something while you gain the
respect and trust of others. (More on Active Listening and read our article:
What is Empathy?)
Understand Stress
Learn to recognize, manage and reduce stress in yourself and
others. Although stress is not always bad it can have a
detrimental effect on the communication process. Learning
how to recognize and manage stress, in yourself and others, is
an important interpersonal skill. (More about stress.)

Learn to be Assertive
You should aim to be neither passive nor aggressive. Being
assertive is about expressing your feelings and beliefs in a way
that others can understand and respect. Assertiveness is
fundamental to successful negotiation. (Learn more about
Assertiveness | Negotiation and Confidence)
Reflect and Improve
Think about previous conversations and other
interpersonal interactions; learn from your mistakes and
successes. Always keep a positive attitude but realize
that we can all always improve our communication skills.
(See our article on Improving Communications Skills)

Negotiate
Learn how to effectively negotiate with others paving the
way to mutual respect, trust and lasting interpersonal
relations. (Negotiation Skills)
 Working in Groups
• We often find ourselves in group situations,
professionally and socially. Learn all about the
different types of groups and teams in our
article: What is a Group. Further articles about
groups include: Group and Team Roles, Group
Life Cycles, Building Group Cohesiveness and
How to Recognize and Avoid Problem
Behaviors in Groups.
 What is Communication?
• Communication is simply the act of
transferring information from one place to
another.
• Although this is a simple definition, when we
think about how we may communicate the
subject becomes a lot more complex. There
are various categories of communication and
more than one may occur at any time. The
different categories of communication are:
• Spoken or Verbal Communication: face-to-
face, telephone, radio or television or other
media.
• Non-Verbal Communication: body language,
gestures, how we dress or act - even our
scent.
• Written Communication: letters, e-mails,
books, magazines, the Internet or via other
media.
• Visualizations: graphs, charts, maps, logos and
other visualizations can communicate
messages.
• Communication theory states that communication
involves a sender and a receiver (or receivers)
conveying information through a communication
channel.
• The desired outcome or goal of any communication
process is understanding.
• The process of interpersonal communication cannot be
regarded as a phenomena which simply 'happens', but
should be seen as a process which involves
participants negotiating their role in this process,
whether consciously or unconsciously.
• Senders and receivers are of course vital in
communication. In face-to-face communication
the roles of the sender and receiver are not
distinct as both parties communicate with each
other, even if in very subtle ways such as through
eye-contact (or lack of) and general body
language. There are many other subtle ways that
we communicate (perhaps even unintentionally)
with others, for example the tone of our voice
can give clues to our mood or emotional state,
whilst hand signals or gestures can add to a
spoken message.
• In written communication the sender and
receiver are more distinct. Until recent times,
relatively few writers and publishers were
very powerful when it came to
communicating the written word. Today we
can all write and publish our ideas on the
Internet, which has led to an explosion of
information and communication possibilities.
• A message or communication is sent by the sender through
a communication channel to a receiver, or to multiple
receivers. The sender must encode the message (the
information being conveyed) into a form that is appropriate
to the communication channel, and the receiver(s) then
decodes the message to understand its meaning and
significance.
• Misunderstanding can occur at any stage of the
communication process. Effective communication involves
minimizing potential misunderstanding and overcoming
any barriers to communication at each stage in the
communication process. See our page: Barriers to Effective
Communication for more information.
• An effective communicator understands their
audience, chooses an appropriate
communication channel, hones their message to
this channel and encodes the message to reduce
misunderstanding by the receiver(s). They will
also seek out feedback from the receiver(s) as to
how the message is understood and attempt to
correct any misunderstanding or confusion as
soon as possible. Receivers can use Clarification
and Reflection as effective ways to ensure that
the message sent has been understood correctly.
 Communication Channels
• Communication Channels is the term given to
the way in which we communicate. There are
multiple communication channels available to
us today, for example face-to-face
conversations, telephone calls, text messages,
email, the Internet (including social media
such as Facebook and Twitter), radio and TV,
written letters, brochures and reports to name
just a few.
• Choosing an appropriate communication channel is vital for
effective communication as each communication channel has
different strengths and weaknesses. For example, broadcasting
news of an upcoming event via a written letter might convey the
message clearly to one or two individuals but will not be a time or
cost effective way to broadcast the message to a large number of
people. On the other hand, conveying complex, technical
information is better done via a printed document than via a
spoken message since the receiver is able to assimilate the
information at their own pace and revisit items that they do not
fully understand. Written communication is also useful as a way of
recording what has been said, for example taking minutes in a
meeting. (More on Meetings and How to Conduct a Meeting).
 Encoding Messages
• All messages must be encoded into a form that
can be conveyed by the communication channel
chosen for the message. We all do this every day
when transferring abstract thoughts into spoken
words or a written form. However, other
communication channels require different forms
of encoding, e.g. text written for a report will not
work well if broadcast via a radio programmed,
and the short, abbreviated text used in text
messages would be inappropriate if sent via a
letter. Complex data may be best communicated
using a graph or chart or other visualization.
• Effective communicators encode their messages
with their intended audience in mind as well as
the communication channel. This involves an
appropriate use of language, conveying the
information simply and clearly, anticipating and
eliminating likely causes of confusion and
misunderstanding, and knowing the receivers’
experience in decoding other similar
communications. Successful encoding of
messages is a vital skill in effective
communication.
 Decoding Messages
• Once received, the receivers need to decode the
message, and successful decoding is also a vital skill.
Individuals will decode and understand messages in
different ways based upon any Barriers to
Communication which might be present, their
experience and understanding of the context of the
message, their psychological state, and the time and
place of receipt as well as many other potential
factors. Understanding how the message will be
decoded, and anticipating as many of the potential
sources of misunderstanding as possible, is the art of a
successful communicator.
 Feedback
• Receivers of messages are likely to provide feedback on how they
have understood the messages through both verbal and non-verbal
reactions. Effective communicators should pay close attention to
this feedback as it the only way to assess whether the message has
been understood as intended, and it allows any confusion to be
corrected. Bear in mind that the extent and form of feedback will
vary according to the communication channel used: for example
feedback during a face-to-face or telephone conversation will be
immediate and direct, whilst feedback to messages conveyed via TV
or radio will be indirect and may be delayed, or even conveyed
through other media such as the Internet.
• “Being able to communicate effectively is the most important of all
life skills”…..
CHAPTER 2 INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION SKILLS
 What is Interpersonal
Communication?
• Interpersonal communication is the process by
which people exchange information, feelings, and
meaning through verbal and non-verbal
messages: it is face-to-face communication.
Interpersonal communication is not just about
what is actually said - the language used - but
how it is said and the non-verbal messages sent
through tone of voice, facial expressions,
gestures and body language. See our pages:
Verbal Communication and Non-Verbal
Communication for more information.
• When two or more people are in the same place
and are aware of each other's presence, then
communication is taking place, no matter how
subtle or unintentional. Without speech, an
observer may be using cues of posture, facial
expression, and dress to form an impression of
the other's role, emotional state, personality
and/or intentions. Although no communication
may be intended, people receive messages
through such forms of non-verbal behavior.
• Elements of Interpersonal Communication
Much research has been done to try to break
down interpersonal communication into a
number of elements in order that it can be
more easily understood. Commonly these
elements include:
 The Communicators
• For any communication to occur there must be at least two
people involved. It is easy to think about communication
involving a sender and a receiver of a message. However,
the problem with this way of seeing a relationship is that it
presents communication as a one-way process where one
person sends the message and the other receives it. While
one person is talking and another is listening, for example.
• In fact communications are almost always complex, two-
way processes, with people sending and receiving
messages to and from each other simultaneously. In other
words, communication is an interactive process. While one
person is talking the other is listening - but while listening
they are also sending feedback in the form of smiles, head
nods etc.
 The Message
• Message not only means the speech used or
information conveyed, but also the non-verbal
messages exchanged such as facial expressions,
tone of voice, gestures and body language. Non-
verbal behavior can convey additional
information about the spoken message. In
particular, it can reveal more about emotional
attitudes which may underlie the content of
speech. See our page: Effective Speaking for
more on how you can use your voice to full
effect.
 Noise
• Noise has a special meaning in communication theory. It
refers to anything that distorts the message, so that what is
received is different from what is intended by the speaker.
Whilst physical 'noise' (for example, background sounds or
a low-flying jet plane) can interfere with communication,
other factors are considered to be ‘noise’. The use of
complicated jargon, inappropriate body language,
inattention, disinterest, and cultural differences can be
considered 'noise' in the context of interpersonal
communication. In other words, any distortions or
inconsistencies that occur during an attempt to
communicate can be seen as noise. See our page: Barriers
to Effective Communication for more information.
 Feedback
• Feedback consists of messages the receiver returns, which
allows the sender to know how accurately the message has
been received, as well as the receiver's reaction. The
receiver may also respond to the unintentional message as
well as the intentional message. Types of feedback range
from direct verbal statements, for example "Say that again,
I don't understand", to subtle facial expressions or changes
in posture that might indicate to the sender that the
receiver feels uncomfortable with the message. Feedback
allows the sender to regulate, adapt or repeat the message
in order to improve communication. Our pages:
Clarification and Reflecting describe common ways to offer
feedback in communication, our page: Active Listening
describes the process of listening attentively.
 Context
• All communication is influenced by the context
in which it takes place. However, apart from
looking at the situational context of where the
interaction takes place, for example in a room,
office, or perhaps outdoors, the social context
also needs to be considered, for example the
roles, responsibilities and relative status of the
participants. The emotional climate and
participants' expectations of the interaction
will also affect the communication.
 Channel
• The channel refers to the physical means by
which the message is transferred from one
person to another. In face-to-face context the
channels which are used are speech and vision,
however during a telephone conversation the
channel is limited to speech alone.
• When you have the opportunity to observe some
interpersonal communication, make a mental
note of the behaviors used, both verbal and non-
verbal.
• Observe and think about the following factors:

 Who are the communicators?

 What messages were exchanged?
 What (if any) noise distorts the message?
 How is feedback given?
 What is the context of the communication?
• By observing others and thinking about how
communication occurs you will start to think
about how you communicate and be more
aware of the messages you send.
• Uses of Interpersonal Communication
• Most of us engage in some form of
Interpersonal Communication on a regular
basis, how well we communicate with others
is a measure of our Interpersonal Skills.
Interpersonal communication is a key life skill
and can be used to:
•  Give and collect information.
•  Influence the attitudes and behavior of others.
•  Form contacts and maintain relationships.
•  Make sense of the world and our experiences in it.
•  Express personal needs and understand the needs
of others.
•  Give and receive emotional support.
•  Make decisions and solve problems.
•  Anticipate and predict behavior.
•  Regulate power.
Chapter 3 Verbal & Non Verbal
Communication
 Verbal Communication Skills
• Effective verbal or spoken communication is dependent on
a number of factors and cannot be fully isolated from other
important interpersonal skills such as non-verbal
communication, listening skills and clarification.
• Clarity of speech, remaining calm and focused, being polite
and etiquette will all aid the process of verbal
communication. See our page: Effective Speaking for more
information.
• This page is designed to help you think about how you
communicate verbally. The page includes information on
the processes involved and the steps we can take to ensure
that verbal or spoken messages are received as intended.
 Opening Communication
• In many interpersonal encounters, the first few
minutes are extremely important as first
impressions have a significant impact on the
success of further communication. Everyone has
expectations and norms as to how initial
meetings should proceed and people tend to
behave according to these expectations. If these
expectations are mismatched, communication
will not be effective or run smoothly, and some
form of negotiation will be needed if relations are
to continue.
• At a first meeting, formalities and appropriate
greetings are usually expected: such
formalities could include a handshake, an
introduction to yourself, eye contact and
discussion around a neutral subject such as
the weather or your journey may be useful. A
friendly disposition and smiling face are much
more likely to encourage communication than
a blank face, inattention or disinterested
reception.
 Reinforcement
• The use of encouraging words alongside non-
verbal gestures such as head nods, a warm
facial expression and maintaining eye contact,
are more likely to reinforce openness in
others. The use of encouragement and
positive reinforcement can:
•  Encourage others to participate in discussion
(particularly in group work)
•  Signify interest in what other people have to say
•  Pave the way for development and/or
maintenance of a relationship
•  Allay fears and give reassurance
•  Show warmth and openness.
•  Reduce shyness or nervousness in ourselves and
others.
•  Effective Listening
• Active listening is an important skill and yet, as
communicators, people tend to spend far
more energy considering what they are going
to say rather than listening to what the other
person is trying to say. Although active
listening is a skill in itself, covered in our
articles on listening, it is also vital for effective
verbal communication.
• The following points are essential for effective and active listening:
 Arrange a comfortable environment conducive to the purpose of the communication, for example
a warm and light room with minimal background noise.
 Be prepared to listen.
 Keep an open mind and concentrate on the main direction of the speaker's message.
 Avoid distractions if at all possible.
 Delay judgment until you have heard everything.
 Be objective.
 Do not be trying to think of your next question while the other person is giving information.
 Do not dwell on one or two points at the expense of others.
 The speaker should not be stereotyped. Try not to let prejudices associated with, for example,
gender, ethnicity, social class, appearance or dress interfere with what is being said. (See Personal
Appearance)
 Questioning
• Effective questioning is an essential skill. Questioning can be used
to:

 Obtain information.
 Start a conversation.
 Test understanding.
 Draw someone into a conversation.
 Show interest in a person.
 Seek support or agreement.
 Closed Questions
• Closed questions tend to seek only a one or two
word answer (often simply 'yes' or 'no') and, in
doing so, limit the scope of the response. Two
examples of closed questions are "Did you travel
by car today?" and "Did you see the football
game yesterday?" These types of question mean
control of the communication is maintained by
the questioner yet this is often not the desired
outcome when trying to encourage verbal
communication. Nevertheless, closed questions
can be useful for focusing discussion and
obtaining clear, concise answers when needed.
 Open Questions
• Open questions broaden the scope for
response since they demand further
discussion and elaboration. For example,
"What was the traffic like this morning?" or
"What do you feel you would like to gain from
this discussion?" Open questions will take
longer to answer, but they do give the other
person far more scope for self-expression and
encourage involvement in the conversation.
 Reflecting and Clarifying
• Reflecting is the process of feeding-back to
another person your understanding of what has
been said. Although reflecting is a specialized skill
used within counseling, it can also be applied to a
wide range of communication contexts and is a
useful skill to learn. Reflecting often involves
paraphrasing the message communicated to you
by the speaker in your own words, capturing the
essence of the facts and feelings expressed, and
communicating your understanding back to the
speaker. It is a useful skill because:
•  You can check that you have understood
the message clearly.
•  The speaker gets feedback as to how the
message is received.
•  It shows interest in, and respect for, what
the other person has to say.
•  You are demonstrating that you are
considering the other person’s viewpoint.
•  See also our pages on Reflecting and
Clarifying.
 Summarizing
• A summary is an overview of the main points
or issues raised. Summarizing can also serve
the same purpose as 'reflecting'. However,
summarizing allows both parties to review
and agree the communication exchanged
between them up to that point in time. When
used effectively, summaries may also serve as
a guide to the next steps forward.
 Closing Communication
• The way a communication is closed or ended will,
at least in part, determine the way a
conversation is remembered. A range of subtle,
or sometimes not so subtle, signals are used to
end an interaction. For example, some people
may avoid eye contact, stand up, turn their body
away, or use behaviors such as looking at a watch
or closing notepads or books. All of these non-
verbal actions indicate to the other person that
the initiator wishes to end the communication.
• Closing an interaction too abruptly may not
allow the other person to 'round off' what he
or she is saying so you should ensure there is
time for winding-up. The closure of an
interaction is a good time to make any future
arrangements. Last, but not least, this time
will no doubt be accompanied by a number of
socially acceptable parting gestures.
• Interpersonal communication not only involves the
explicit meaning of words, that is the information or
message conveyed, but also refers to implicit
messages, whether intentional or not, which may be
expressed through non-verbal behaviors.
• Non-verbal communications include facial expressions,
the tone and pitch of the voice, gestures displayed
through body language (kinesics) and the physical
distance between communicators (proxemics). These
non-verbal signals can give clues and additional
information and meaning over and above spoken
(verbal) communication.
• Non-verbal messages allow people to:
• Reinforce or modify what is said in words. For
example, people may nod their heads
vigorously when saying "Yes" to emphasize
that they agree with the other person, but a
shrug of the shoulders and a sad expression
when saying "I'm fine thanks,” may imply that
things are not really fine at all!
•  Convey information about their
emotional state.
•  Define or reinforce the relationship
between people.
•  Provide feedback to the other person.
•  Regulate the flow of communication, for
example by signaling to others that they have
finished speaking or wish to say something.
• Many popular books on non-verbal communication
present the topic as if it were a language that can be
learned, the implication being that if the meaning of
every nod, eye movement, and gesture were known,
the real feelings and intentions of a person would be
understood. Unfortunately interpreting non-verbal
communication is not that simple. As covered on our
Interpersonal Communication page, the way
communication is influenced by the context in which it
occurs. For example, a nod of the head between
colleagues in a committee meeting may mean
something very different to when the same action is
used to acknowledge someone across a crowded
room.
• Interpersonal communication is further
complicated in that it is usually not possible to
interpret a gesture or expression accurately
on its own. Non-verbal communication
consists of a complete package of expressions,
hand and eye movements, postures, and
gestures which should be interpreted along
with speech (verbal communication).
• The types of interpersonal communication that are not expressed verbally
are called non-verbal communications. These include:

 Body Movements (Kinesics)

 Posture
 Eye Contact
 Paralanguage
 Closeness or Personal Space (Proxemics)
 Facial Expressions
 Physiological Changes
 Types of Non-Verbal Communication
• When we communicate, non-verbal cues can
have as great as an impact on the listener as
the spoken word. There are many different
aspects of non-verbal communication
including:
• Body Movements (Kinesics)
Body movements include gestures, posture, head and
hand movements or whole body movements. Body
movements can be used to reinforce or emphasize
what a person is saying and also offer information
about the emotions and attitudes of a person.
However, it is also possible for body movements to
conflict with what is said. A skilled observer may be
able to detect such discrepancies in behavior and use
them as a clue to what someone is really feeling.
Research work has identified the different categories
of body movement that are detailed below with each
category describing the purpose they commonly serve:
• Emblems: Gestures that serve the same
function as a word are called emblems. For
example, the signals that mean 'OK', 'Come
here!', or the hand movement used when
hitch-hiking. However, be aware that whilst
some emblems are internationally recognized,
others may need to be interpreted in their
cultural context.
• Illustrators: Gestures which accompany words to
illustrate a verbal message are known as
illustrators. For example, the common circular
hand movement which accompanies the phrase
'over and over again', or nodding the head in a
particular direction when saying 'over there'.
• Affect Displays: These are facial expressions or
gestures which show the emotions we feel. These
are often unintentional and can conflict with
what is being said. Such expressions give strong
clues as to the true emotional state of a person.
• Regulators: Gestures used to give feedback
when conversing are called regulators, for
example head nods, short sounds such as 'uh-
huh', 'mm-mm', and expressions of interest or
boredom. Regulators allow the other person
to adapt his or her speech to reflect the level
of interest or agreement. Without receiving
feedback, many people find it difficult to
maintain a conversation.
• Adaptors: Non-verbal behaviors which either
satisfy some physical need such as scratching
or adjusting uncomfortable glasses, or
represent a psychological need such as biting
fingernails when nervous. Although normally
subconscious, adaptors are more likely to be
restrained in public places than in the private
world of individuals where they are less likely
to be noticed. Adaptive behaviors often
accompany feelings of anxiety or hostility.
 Posture
• Posture can reflect people's emotions, attitudes and intentions.
Research has identified a wide range of postural signals and their
meanings, such as:
• Open and Closed Posture: Two forms of posture have been
identified, ‘open’ and ‘closed’, which may reflect an individual's
degree of confidence, status or receptivity to another person.
Someone seated in a closed position might have his/her arms
folded, legs crossed or be positioned at a slight angle from the
person with whom they are interacting. In an open posture you
might expect to see someone directly facing you with hands apart
on the arms of the chair. An open posture can be used to
communicate openness or interest in someone and a readiness to
listen, whereas the closed posture might imply discomfort or
disinterest.
• Mirroring: Notice the way a loving couple relate to
each other. You might like to observe a close
relationship in person or on television. You will see
that the partners' postures will match, as if one
partner is a mirror reflection of the other. For example,
if one partner drapes an arm over the back of a chair
this might be replicated in the other person's position.
If one partner frowns, it could be reflected in the other
partner's facial expression. This 'mirroring' indicates
interest and approval between people and serves to
reassure others of interest in them and what they are
saying.
Eye Contact
•Eye contact is an important aspect of non-verbal
behavior. In interpersonal interaction, it serves
three main purposes:
•To give and receive feedback: Looking at someone
lets them know that the receiver is concentrating
on the content of their speech. Not maintaining eye
contact can indicate disinterest. Communication
may not be a smooth process if a listener averts
their eyes too frequently.
• To let a partner know when it is their 'turn' to speak:
This is related to the above point. Eye contact is more
likely to be continuous when someone is listening,
rather than speaking. When a person has finished what
they have to say, they will look directly at the other
person and this gives a signal that the arena is open. If
someone does not want to be interrupted, eye contact
may be avoided.
• To communicate something about a relationship
between people: When you dislike someone, you tend
to avoid eye contact and pupil size is often reduced.
On the other hand, the maintenance of positive eye
contact signals interest or attraction in a partner.
Paralanguage
•Paralanguage relates to all aspects of the voice
which are not strictly part of the verbal message,
including the tone and pitch of the voice, the speed
and volume at which a message is delivered, and
pauses and hesitations between words. These
signals can serve to indicate feelings about what is
being said. Emphasizing particular words can imply
whether or not feedback is required.
Closeness and Personal Space
•Every culture has different levels of physical
closeness appropriate to different types of
relationship, and individuals learn these distances
from the society in which they grew up. In today's
multicultural society, it is important to consider the
range of non-verbal codes as expressed in different
ethnic groups. When someone violates an
'appropriate' distance, people may feel
uncomfortable or defensive. Their actions may well
be open to misinterpretation.
• In Western society, four distances have been defined
according to the relationship between the people involved,
the study of personal space is termed proxemics. This term
was used by the anthropologist Edward Twitch ell Hall:

 Intimate Distance (touching to 45cm)

 Personal Distance (45cm to 1.2m)
 Social Distance (1.2m to 3.6m)
 Public Distance (3.7m to 4.5m)
• These four distances are associated with the four main
types of relationship - intimate, personal, social and
public. Each of the distances are divided into two,
giving a close phase and a far phase, thus making eight
divisions in all. It is worth noting that these distances
are considered the norm in Western Society:
• Intimate Distance: Ranges from close contact
(touching) to the 'far' phase of 15-45cm. In British
society, it tends to be seen as an inappropriate
distance for public behavior and, as mentioned above,
entering the intimate space of another person with
whom you do not have a close relationship can be
extremely disturbing.
• Personal Distance: The 'far' phase of personal
distance is considered to be the most
appropriate for people holding a
conversation. At this distance it is easy to see
the other person's expressions and eye
movements, as well as their overall body
language. Handshaking can occur within the
bounds of personal distance.
• Social Distance: This is the normal distance for
impersonal business, for example working together in
the same room or during social gatherings. Seating is
also important; communication is far more likely to be
considered as a formal relationship if the interaction is
carried out across a desk. In addition, if the seating
arrangements are such that one person appears to
look down on another, an effect of domination may be
created. At a social distance, speech needs to be
louder and eye contact remains essential to
communication, otherwise feedback will be reduced
and the interaction may end.
• Public Distance: Teachers and public speakers
address groups at a public distance. Exaggerated
non-verbal communication is necessary if
effective communication is to occur. Since subtle
facial expressions are lost at this distance so clear
hand gestures are often used as a substitute.
Larger head movements are also typical of an
experienced public speaker who is aware of
changes in the way body language is perceived at
longer distances.
• Understanding these distances allows us to
approach others in non-threatening and
appropriate ways. People can begin to
understand how others feel about them, how
they view the relationship and, if appropriate,
adjust their behavior accordingly.
• As you can see, non-verbal communication is an
extremely complex yet integral part of overall
communication skills. People are often totally
unaware of the non-verbal behavior they use. A
basic awareness of these aspects of
communication strategies, over and above what
is actually said, can help to improve interaction
with others. Knowledge of these signs can be
used to encourage individuals to talk about their
concerns and can lead to a greater shared
understanding.
CHAPTER 4 LISTENING SKILLS
• Listening is the ability to accurately receive messages in the
communication process. Listening is key to all effective
communication, without the ability to listen effectively
messages are easily misunderstood – communication
breaks down and the sender of the message can easily
become frustrated or irritated.
• Listening is so important that many top employers give
regular listening skills training for their employees. This is
not surprising when you consider that good listening skills
can lead to: better customer satisfaction, greater
productivity with fewer mistakes, increased sharing of
information that in turn can lead to more creative and
innovative work. See our pages: Employability Skills and
Customer Service Skills.
• Good listening skills also have benefits in our
personal lives, including: a greater number of
friends and social networks, improved self-
esteem and confidence, higher grades in
academic work and increased health and
wellbeing. Studies have shown that, whereas
speaking raises blood pressure, listening
brings it down.
 Listening is not the same as hearing.
• Hearing refers to the sounds that you hear, whereas
listening requires more than that: it requires focus.
Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but
how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the
other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means
being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your
ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which
you perceive and understand these messages.
• “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another
person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important
thing we ever give each other is our attention.
• ” Rachel Naomi Remen
 We spend a lot of our time listening
• Adults spend an average of 70% of their time
engaged in some sort of communication, of
this an average of 45% is spent listening
compared to 30% speaking, 16% reading and
9% writing. (Adler, R. et al. 2001).
 The 10 Principles of Listening
• A good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but
also to what is left unsaid or only partially said.
• Listening involves observing body language and noticing
inconsistencies between verbal and non-verbal messages.
For example, if someone tells you that they are happy with
their life but through gritted teeth or with tears filling their
eyes, you should consider that the verbal and non-verbal
messages are in conflict, they maybe don't mean what they
say. Listening requires you to concentrate and use your
other senses in addition to simply hearing the words
spoken.
• Listening is not the same as hearing and in order to listen
effectively you need to use more than just your ears.
• 1. Stop Talking

• “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we

would have two tongues and one ear.” Mark Twain.

• Don't talk, listen. When somebody else is talking listen to

what they are saying, do not interrupt, talk over them or
finish their sentences for them. Stop, just listen. When the
other person has finished talking you may need to clarify to
ensure you have received their message accurately.
• 2. Prepare Yourself to Listen

• Relax. Focus on the speaker. Put other things out of

mind. The human mind is easily distracted by other
thoughts – what’s for lunch, what time do I need to
leave to catch my train, is it going to rain – try to put
other thoughts out of mind and concentrate on the
messages that are being communicated.
• 3. Put the Speaker at Ease

• Help the speaker to feel free to speak.

Remember their needs and concerns. Nod or use
other gestures or words to encourage them to
continue. Maintain eye contact but don’t stare –
show you are listening and understanding what is
being said.
• 4. Remove Distractions

• Focus on what is being said: don’t doodle, shuffle

papers, look out the window, pick your
fingernails or similar. Avoid unnecessary
interruptions. These behaviors disrupt the
listening process and send messages to the
speaker that you are bored or distracted.
• 5. Empathies

• Try to understand the other person’s point of view. Look at

issues from their perspective. Let go of preconceived ideas.
By having an open mind we can more fully empathize with
the speaker. If the speaker says something that you
disagree with then wait and construct an argument to
counter what is said but keep an open mind to the views
and opinions of others. (See our page: What is Empathy?)
• 6. Be Patient

• A pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily

mean that the speaker has finished. Be patient
and let the speaker continue in their own time,
sometimes it takes time to formulate what to say
and how to say it. Never interrupt or finish a
sentence for someone.
• 7. Avoid Personal Prejudice

• Try to be impartial. Don't become irritated and don't let the

person’s habits or mannerisms distract you from what they are
really saying. Everybody has a different way of speaking - some
people are for example more nervous or shy than others, some
have regional accents or make excessive arm movements, some
people like to pace whilst talking - others like to sit still. Focus on
what is being said and try to ignore styles of delivery.
• 8. Listen to the Tone

• Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying. A

good speaker will use both volume and tone to their
advantage to keep an audience attentive; everybody will
use pitch, tone and volume of voice in certain situations –
let these help you to understand the emphasis of what is
being said. (See our page: Effective Speaking for more)
• 9. Listen for Ideas – Not Just Words

• You need to get the whole picture, not just

isolated bits and pieces. Maybe one of the most
difficult aspects of listening is the ability to link
together pieces of information to reveal the ideas
of others. With proper concentration, letting go
of distractions, and focus this becomes easier.
• 10. Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication

• Gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements can all be

important. We don’t just listen with our ears but also with our eyes
– watch and pick up the additional information being transmitted
via non-verbal communication. (See our page: Non-verbal
Communication)

• Do not jump to conclusions about what you see and hear. You
should always seek clarification to ensure that your understanding
is correct.
 Active Listening
• Active listening is a skill that can be acquired and developed with
practice. However, this skill can be difficult to master and will,
therefore, take time and patience.
• 'Active listening' means, as its name suggests, actively listening.
That is fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just
‘hearing’ the message of the speaker. Active listening involves
listening with all senses. As well as giving full attention to the
speaker, it is important that the ‘active listener’ is also ‘seen’ to be
listening - otherwise the speaker may conclude that what they are
talking about is uninteresting to the listener. Interest can be
conveyed to the speaker by using both verbal and non-verbal
messages such as maintaining eye contact, nodding your head and
smiling, agreeing by saying ‘Yes’ or simply ‘Mmm hmm’ to
encourage them to continue. By providing this 'feedback' the
person speaking will usually feel more at ease and therefore
communicate more easily, openly and honestly.
• Listening is the most fundamental component of
interpersonal communication skills. Listening is not
something that just happens (that is hearing), listening is an
active process in which a conscious decision is made to
listen to and understand the messages of the speaker.
Listeners should remain neutral and non-judgmental, this
means trying not to take sides or form opinions, especially
early in the conversation. Active listening is also about
patience - pauses and short periods of silence should be
accepted. Listeners should not be tempted to jump in with
questions or comments every time there are a few seconds
of silence. Active listening involves giving the other person
time to explore their thoughts and feelings, they should,
therefore, be given adequate time for that.
• Active listening not only means focusing fully
on the speaker but also actively showing
verbal and non-verbal signs of listening.
Generally speakers want listeners to
demonstrate ‘active listening’ by responding
appropriately to what they are saying.
Appropriate responses to listening can be
both verbal and non-verbal:
• Signs of Active Listening

• Non-verbal signs of attentive or active listening

• This is a generic list of non-verbal signs of listening, in

other words people who are listening are more likely
to display at least some of these signs. However these
signs may not be appropriate in all situations and
across all cultures.
• Smile

• Small smiles can be used to show that the listener is paying attention to what is
being said or as a way of agreeing or being happy about the messages being
received. Combined with nods of the head, smiles can be powerful in affirming
that messages are being listened to and understood.

• Eye Contact

• It is normal and usually encouraging for the listener to look at the speaker. Eye
contact can however be intimidating, especially for more shy speakers – gauge
how much eye contact is appropriate for any given situation. Combine eye
contact with smiles and other non-verbal messages to encourage the speaker.
• Posture

• Posture can tell a lot about the sender and receiver in interpersonal interactions. The attentive
listener tends to lean slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting. Other signs of active listening may
include a slight slant of the head or resting the head on one hand.

• Mirroring

• Automatic reflection/mirroring of any facial expressions used by the speaker can be a sign of
attentive listening. These reflective expressions can help to show sympathy and empathy in more
emotional situations. Attempting to consciously mimic facial expressions (i.e. not automatic
reflection of expressions) can be a sign of inattention.
• Distraction

• The active listener will not be distracted and therefore will refrain from
fidgeting, looking at a clock or watch, doodling, playing with their hair or
picking their fingernails.

• Learn more about Non-Verbal Communication.

• Be aware that: it is perfectly possible to learn and mimic these non-verbal

signs of active listening and not actually be listening at all. It is more
difficult to mimic verbal signs of listening and comprehension.
• Verbal signs of attentive or active listening

• Positive Reinforcement

• Although a strong signal of attentiveness, caution should be used when

using positive verbal reinforcement. Although some positive words of
encouragement may be beneficial to the speaker the listener should use
them sparingly so as not to distract from what is being said or place
unnecessary emphasis on parts of the message. Indeed casual and
frequent use of ‘very good’, ‘yes’ or ‘indeed’ can become irritating to the
speaker. It is usually better to elaborate and explain why you are
agreeing with a certain point.
• Remembering
• The human mind is notoriously bad at remembering
details, especially for any length of time. However,
remembering a few key points, or even the name of
the speaker, can help to reinforce that the messages
sent have been received and understood – i.e. listening
has been successful. Remembering details, ideas and
concepts from previous conversations proves that
attention was kept and is likely to encourage the
speaker to continue. During longer exchanges it may
be appropriate to make very brief notes to act as a
memory jog when questioning or clarifying later. (See
more on Questioning and Clarifying.)
• Questioning
• The listener can demonstrate that they have
been paying attention by asking relevant
questions and/or making statements that build
or help to clarify what the speaker has said. By
asking relevant questions the listener also helps
to reinforce that they have an interest in what
the speaker has been saying. (See our pages on
Questioning and Types of Question.)
• Reflection
• Reflecting is closely repeating or paraphrasing
what the speaker has said in order to show
comprehension. Reflection is a powerful skill
that can reinforce the message of the speaker
and demonstrate understanding. (See our
page on Reflection.)
• Clarification

• Clarifying involves asking questions of the speaker to ensure that the correct message has been
received. Clarification usually involves the use of open questions which enables the speaker to
expand on certain points as necessary. (See our page on Clarification.)

• Summarization

• Repeating a summary of what has been said back to the speaker is a technique used by the listener
to repeat what has been said in their own words. Summarizing involves taking the main points of
the received message and reiterating them in a logical and clear way, giving the speaker chance to
correct if necessary.
Chapter 5 Questioning
• Gathering information is a basic human activity – we use
information to learn, to help us solve problems, to aid our
decision making processes and to understand each other
more clearly.
• Questioning is the key to gaining more information and
without it interpersonal communications usually fail.
Questioning is fundamental to successful communication
and we all ask and are asked questions when engaged in
conversation. We find questions and answers fascinating
and entertaining – politicians, reporters, celebrities and
entrepreneurs are often successful based on their
questioning skills – asking the right questions at the right
time and also answering (or not) appropriately.
• Although questions are usually verbal in
nature, they can also be non-verbal. Raising
of the eyebrows could, for example, be asking,
“Are you sure?” facial expressions can ask all
sorts of subtle questions at different times
and in different contexts. See our pages:
Verbal Communication and Non-Verbal
Communication for more.
• This page examines verbal questioning.

• Why Ask Questions?

• Although the following list is not exhaustive it outlines the main reasons questions are asked in common situations.

• To Obtain Information

• The primary function of a question is to gain information – ‘What time is it?’

• To help maintain control of a conversation

• While you are asking questions you are in control of the conversation, assertive people are more likely to take
control of conversations attempting to gain the information they need through questioning. (Also see our pages on
Assertiveness)
• Express an interest in the other person

• Questioning allows us to find out more about the respondent, this can be useful
when attempting to build rapport and show empathy or to simply get to know the
other person better. (Also see Building Rapport and Empathy)

• To clarify a point

• Questions are commonly used in communication to clarify something that the

speaker has said. Questions used as clarification are essential in reducing
misunderstanding and therefore more effective communication. (Also see
Clarification)
• To explore the personality and or difficulties the other person may have

• Questions are used to explore the feelings, beliefs, opinions, ideas and attitudes of
the person being questioned. They can also be used to better understand
problems that another person maybe experiencing – like in the example of a
doctor trying to diagnose a patient. (See our page What is Counseling)

• To test knowledge

• Questions are used in all sorts of quiz, test and exam situations to ascertain the
knowledge of the respondent. ‘What is the capital of France?’ for example.
• To encourage further thought

• Questions may be used to encourage people think about something more deeply.
Questions can be worded in such a way as to get the person to think about a topic
in a new way. ‘Why do you think Paris is the capital of France?”

• In group situations

• Questioning in group situations can be very useful for a number of reasons, to

include all members of the group, to encourage more discussion of a point, to
keep attention by asking questions without advance warning. These examples can
be easily related to a classroom of school children.
 How to Ask Questions
• Questioning is part of Verbal Communication

• Being an effective communicator has a lot to do with how questions are

asked. Once the purpose of the question has been established you should
ask yourself a number of questions:

 What type of question should be asked – See our page on question types.
 Is the question appropriate to the person/group?
 Is this the right time to ask the question?
 How do I expect the respondent will reply?
• When actually asking questions – especially in more formal settings some of the mechanics to take
into account include:

• Being structured

• In certain situations, for example if you are conducting a research project or you work in a
profession that requires the recording of information, it may be necessary to ask large numbers of
questions. In such cases it is usually a good idea to inform the respondent of this before you start,
by giving some background information and reasoning behind your motive of asking questions. By
doing this the respondent becomes more open to questions and why it is acceptable for you to be
asking them. They also know and can accept the type of questions that are likely to come up, for
example, ‘In order to help you with your insurance claim it will be necessary for me to ask you
about your car, your health and the circumstances that led up to the accident”. In most cases the
interaction between questioner and respondent will run more smoothly if there is some structure
to the exchange.
• Use silence

• Using silence is a powerful way of delivering questions. As with other

interpersonal interactions pauses in speech can help to emphasize points and give
all parties a few moments to gather their thoughts before continuing. A pause of
at least three seconds before a question can help to emphasize the importance of
what is being asked. A three second pause directly after a question can also be
advantageous; it can prevent the questioner from immediately asking another
question and indicates to the respondent that a response is required. Pausing
again after an initial response can encourage the respondent to continue with
their answer in more detail. Pauses of less than three seconds have been proven
to be less effective.
• Encouraging participation

• In group situations leaders often want to involve as many people as

possible in the discussion or debate. This can be at least partially
achieved by asking questions of individual members of the group. One
way that the benefits of this technique can be maximized is to redirect a
question from an active member of the group to one who is less active or
less inclined to answer without a direct opportunity. Care should be
taken in such situations as some people find speaking in group situations
very stressful and can easily be made to feel uncomfortable, embarrassed
or awkward. Encourage but do not force quieter members of the group
to participate.
• Types of Question

• Although there are numerous reasons for asking

questions the information we receive back (the
answer) will depend very much on the type of
question we ask. In the simplest form there are
two types of question, closed questions and open
questions.
• Closed Questions

• Closed questions invite a short focused answer- answers to closed

questions can often (but not always) be either right or wrong. Closed
questions are usually easy to answer - as the choice of answer is limited -
they can be effectively used early in conversations to encourage
participation and can be very useful in fact-finding scenarios such as
research. The questioner using closed questions has a lot of control over
the conversation, forcing brief - often one-word answers.

• Closed questions can simply require a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer, for example:
‘Do you smoke?’, ‘Did you feed the cat?’, ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’
• Closed questions can require that a choice is made from a
list of possible options, for example: ‘Would you like beef,
chicken or the vegetarian option?’, ‘Did you travel by train
or car today?’

• Closed questions can also be asked to identify a certain

piece of information, again with a limited set of answers,
for example: ‘What is your name?’, ‘What time does the
supermarket open?’, ‘Where did you go to University?’
• Open Questions

• By contrast to closed questions, open questions

allow for much longer responses and therefore
potentially more creativity and information.
There are lots of different types of open
question; some are more closed than others.
• Leading or ‘loaded’ questions

• A leading question, usually subtly, points the respondent’s answer in a

certain direction. Asking an employee, ‘How are you getting on with the
new finance system?’ This question prompts the person to question how
they are managing with a new system at work. In a very subtle way it
raises the prospect that maybe they are not finding the new system so
good. ‘Tell me how you’re getting on with the new finance system’ is a
less leading question – the question does not require any judgment to be
made and therefore does not imply that there may be something wrong
with the new system.
• Children are particularly susceptible to leading
questions and are more likely to take the lead for an
answer from an adult. Something simple like, ‘Did you
have a good day at school?’ points the child towards
thinking about good things that happened at school.
By asking, ‘How was school today?’ you are not asking
for any judgment about how good or bad the day has
been and you are more likely to get a more balanced,
accurate answer. This can shape the rest of the
conversation, the next question may be, ‘What did you
do at school?’ - the answer to this may vary based on
the first question you asked – good things or just
things.
• Recall and process questions

• Questions can also be categorized by whether they are ‘recall’ – requiring

something to be remembered or recalled, or ‘process’ – requiring some deeper
thought and/or analysis.

• A simple recall question could be, ‘What is your mother’s maiden name?’. This
requires the respondent to recall some information from memory, a fact. A school
teacher may ask recall questions of their pupils, ‘What is the highest mountain?’
Process questions require more thought and analysis and/or a sharing of opinion.
Examples include, ‘What skills can you bring to this organization that the other
applicants cannot?’ or ‘What are the advantages and disadvantages of asking
leading questions to children?’
• Rhetorical questions

• Rhetorical questions are often humorous and don’t require an answer. ‘If
you set out to fail and then succeed have you failed or succeeded?’
Rhetorical questions are often used by speakers in presentations to get
the audience to think – questions promote thought. Politicians, lecturers,
priests and others may use rhetorical questions when addressing large
audiences to help keep attention. ‘Who would not hope to stay healthy
into old age?’ is not a question that requires an answer, but our brains
are programmed to think about it thus keeping us more engaged with the
speaker.
• Funneling

• We can use clever questioning to essentially funnel the respondent’s answers –

that is ask a series of questions that become more(or less) restrictive at each step,
starting with open questions and ending with closed questions or vice-versa. For
example:

 "Tell me about your most recent holiday."

 "What did you see while you were there?"
 "Were there any good restaurants?"
 "Did you try some local delicacies?"
 "Did you try Clam Chowder?"
• The questions in this example become more restrictive, starting with open
questions which allow for very broad answers, at each step the questions
become more focused and the answers become more restrictive.
Funneling can work the other way around, starting with closed questions
and working up to more open questions. For a counselor or interrogator
these funneling techniques can be a very useful tactic to find out the
maximum amount of information, by beginning with open questions and
then working towards more closed questions. In contrast, when meeting
somebody new it is common to start by asking more closed questions and
progressing to open questions as both parties relax.
• Responses

• As there are a myriad of questions and question types so

there must also be a myriad of possible responses.
Theorists have tried to define the types of responses that
people may have to questions, the main and most
important ones are:

• A direct and honest response – this is what the questioner

would usually want to achieve from asking their question.
• A lie – the respondent may lie in response to a question. The
questioner may be able to pick up on a lie based on plausibility of
the answer but also on the non-verbal communication that was
used immediately before, during and after the answer is given.

• Out of context – The respondent may say something that is totally

unconnected or irrelevant to the question or attempt to change the
topic. It may be appropriate to reword a question in these cases.
• Partially Answering – People can often be selective about which
questions or parts of questions they wish to answer.

• Avoiding the answer – Politicians are especially well known for this
trait. When asked a ‘difficult question’ which probably has an
answer that would be negative to the politician or their political
party, avoidance can be a useful tact. Answering a question with a
question or trying to draw attention to some positive aspect of the
topic are methods of avoidance.
• Stalling – Although similar to avoiding answering a question, stalling can
be used when more time is needed to formulate an acceptable answer.
One way to do this is to answer the question with another question.

• Distortion – People can give distorted answers to questions based on their

perceptions of social norms, stereotypes and other forms of bias.
Different from lying, respondents may not realize their answers are
influenced by bias or they exaggerate in some way to come across as
more ‘normal’ or successful. People often exaggerate about their salaries.

• Refusal – The respondent may simply refuse to answer, either by

remaining silent or by saying, ‘I am not answering’.
CHAPTER 6 BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE
COMMUNICATION
• There are many reasons why interpersonal
communications may fail. In many
communications, the message may not be
received exactly the way the sender intended
and hence it is important that the communicator
seeks feedback to check that their message is
clearly understood. The skills of Active Listening,
Clarification and Reflection may help but the
skilled communicator also needs to be aware of
the barriers to effective communication.
• There exist many barriers to communication
and these may occur at any stage in the
communication process. Barriers may lead to
your message becoming distorted and you
therefore risk wasting both time and/or
money by causing confusion and
misunderstanding. Effective communication
involves overcoming these barriers and
conveying a clear and concise message.
• Some common barriers to effective communication include:

 The use of jargon. Over-complicated or unfamiliar terms.

 Emotional barriers and taboos.
 Lack of attention, interest, distractions, or irrelevance to the receiver.
 Differences in perception and viewpoint.
 Physical disabilities such as hearing problems or speech difficulties.
 Physical barriers to non-verbal communication.
 Language differences and the difficulty in understanding unfamiliar
accents.
 Expectations and prejudices which may lead to false assumptions or
stereotyping. People often hear what they expect to hear rather than
what is actually said and jump to incorrect conclusions.
 Cultural differences. The norms of social interaction vary greatly in
different cultures, as do the way in which emotions are expressed. For
example, the concept of personal space varies between cultures and
between different social settings.
 A skilled communicator must be aware of these barriers and try to reduce
their impact by continually checking understanding and by offering
appropriate feedback.
• A Categorization of Barriers to Communication

• Language Barriers

• Clearly, language and linguistic ability may act as a barrier to

communication. However, even when communicating in the same
language, the terminology used in a message may act as a barrier if it is
not fully understood by the receiver(s). For example, a message that
includes a lot of specialist jargon and abbreviations will not be understood
by a receiver who is not familiar with the terminology used. Regional
colloquialisms and expressions may be misinterpreted or even considered
offensive. See our page: Effective Speaking for more information.
• Psychological Barriers

• The psychological state of the receiver will influence how the message is received. For example, if
someone has personal worries and is stressed, they may be preoccupied by personal concerns and
not as receptive to the message as if they were not stressed. Stress management is an important
personal skill that affects our interpersonal relationships. See our pages What is Stress? and
Avoiding Stress for more information. Anger is another example of a psychological barrier to
communication, when we are angry it is easy to say things that we may later regret and also to
misinterpret what others are saying. See our pages: What is Anger?, Anger Management and Anger
Management Therapy for more information. More generally people with low self-esteem may be
less assertive and therefore may not feel comfortable communicating - they may feel shy about
saying how they really feel or read negative sub-texts into messages they hear. Visit our pages on
Improving Self-Esteem and Assertiveness for more information.
• Physiological Barriers

• Physiological barriers may result from the

receiver’s physical state: for example, a
receiver with reduced hearing may not grasp
to entirety of a spoken conversation especially
if there is significant background noise.
• Physical Barriers

• An example of a physical barrier to communication is geographic

distance between the sender and receiver(s). Communication is
generally easier over shorter distances as more communication
channels are available and less technology is required. Although
modern technology often serves to reduce the impact of physical
barriers, the advantages and disadvantages of each communication
channel should be understood so that an appropriate channel can
be used to overcome the physical barriers.
• Systematic Barriers

• Systematic barriers to communication may exist in structures and

organizations where there are inefficient or inappropriate
information systems and communication channels, or where there
is a lack of understanding of the roles and responsibilities for
communication. In such organizations, individuals may be unclear
of their role in the communication process and therefore not know
what is expected of them.
• Attitudinal Barriers

• Attitudinal barriers are behaviors or perceptions that

prevent people from communicating effectively.
Attitudinal barriers to communication may result from
personality conflicts, poor management, and resistance to
change or a lack of motivation. Effective receivers of
messages should attempt to overcome their own
attitudinal barriers to facilitate effective communication.
• Developing Effective Communication Skills

• Effective communication skills are fundamental to success

in many aspects of life. Many jobs require strong
communication skills and socially people with improved
communication skills usually have better interpersonal
relationships. Effective communication is a key
interpersonal skill and by learning how we can improve our
communication has many benefits.
• Communication is a two way process so
improving communication involves both how
we send and receive messages.

• The following list includes links to other pages

at Skills You Need that can help you further
improve your communication skills.
• Empathies

• Empathy is trying to see things from the point-of-view of others. When

communicating with others, try not to be judgmental or biased by
preconceived ideas or beliefs - instead view situations and responses from
the other person’s perspective. Stay in tune with your own emotions to
help enable you to understand the emotions of others. If appropriate,
offer your personal viewpoint clearly and honestly to avoid confusion.
Bear in mind that some subjects might be taboo or too emotionally
stressful for others to discuss.
• Encourage

• Offer words and actions of encouragement, as well as praise, to

others. Make other people feel welcome, wanted, valued and
appreciated in your communications. If you let others know that
they are valued, they are much more likely to give you their best.
Try to ensure that everyone involved in an interaction or
communication is included through effective body language and the
use of open questions. (More on body language and non-verbal
communication and questioning)
• Learn to Listen

• Listening is not the same as hearing; learn to listen not only to the
words being spoken but how they are being spoken and the non-
verbal messages sent with them. Use the techniques of clarification
and reflection to confirm what the other person has said and avoid
any confusion. Try not to think about what to say next whist
listening; instead clear your mind and focus on the message being
received. Your friends, colleagues and other acquaintances will
appreciate good listening skills.
• Be Aware of Others' Emotions

• Be sympathetic to other people's misfortunes and congratulate

their positive landmarks. To do this you need to be aware of what
is going on in other people’s lives. Make and maintain eye contact
and use first names where appropriate. Do not be afraid to ask
others for their opinions as this will help to make them feel valued.
Consider the emotional effect of what you are saying and
communicate within the norms of behavior acceptable to the other
person. Take steps to become more charismatic.
• Treat People Equally

• Always aim to communicate on an equal basis and avoid patronizing

people. Do not talk about others behind their backs and try not to
develop favorites: by treating people as your equal and also equal to each
other you will build trust and respect. Check that people understand
what you have said to avoid confusion and negative feelings. Encourage
open and honest feedback from the receiver to ensure your message is
understood and to avoid the receiver instead feeding back what they
think you want to hear. If confidentiality is an issue, make sure its
boundaries are known and ensure its maintenance.
• Attempt to Resolve Conflict

• Learn to troubleshoot and resolve problems and conflicts

as they arise. Learn how to be an effective mediator and
negotiator. Use your listening skills to hear and understand
both sides of any argument - encourage and facilitate
people to talk to each other. Try not to be biased or
judgmental but instead ease the way for conflict resolution.
Chapter 7 Reflecting In
Communication
• However good you think your listening skills are, the only person who can tell you
if you have understood correctly or not is the speaker. Therefore, as an extension
of good listening skills, you need to develop the ability to reflect words and
feelings and to clarify that you have understood them correctly. It is often
important that you and the speaker agree that what you understand is a true
representation of what was meant to be said.

• As well as understanding and reflecting the verbal messages of the speaker it is

important to try to understand the emotions - this page explains how to use
reflection effectively to help you build greater understanding of not only what is
being said but the content, feeling and meaning of messages.
 What is Reflecting?
• Reflecting is the process of paraphrasing and restating both the
feelings and words of the speaker. The purposes of reflecting are:

 To allow the speaker to 'hear' their own thoughts and to focus on

what they say and feel.
 To show the speaker that you are trying to perceive the world as
they see it and that you are doing your best to understand their
messages.
 To encourage them to continue talking.
• Reflecting does not involve you asking
questions, introducing a new topic or leading
the conversation in another direction.
Speakers are helped through reflecting as it
not only allows them to feel understood, but
it also gives them the opportunity to focus
their ideas. This in turn helps them to direct
their thoughts and further encourages them
to continue speaking.
• There are two main techniques of reflecting:

• Mirroring

• Mirroring is a simple form of reflecting and involves repeating almost exactly what the speaker says.

• Mirroring should be short and simple. It is usually enough to just repeat key words or the last few words spoken.
This shows you are trying to understand the speakers terms of reference and acts as a prompt for him or her to
continue. Be aware not to over mirror as this can become irritating and therefore a distraction from the message.

• Paraphrasing

• Paraphrasing involves using other words to reflect what the speaker has said. Paraphrasing shows not only that
you are listening, but that you are attempting to understand what the speaker is saying.

• It is often the case that people 'hear what they expect to hear' due to assumptions, stereotyping or prejudices.
When paraphrasing, it is of utmost importance that you do not introduce your own ideas or question the speakers
thoughts, feelings or actions. Your responses should be non-directive and non-judgmental.
• It is very difficult to resist the temptation to
ask questions and when this technique is first
used, reflecting can seem very stilted and
unnatural. You need to practice this skill in
order to feel comfortable.
• Reflecting Content, Feeling and Meaning
• The most immediate part of a speaker's message is the
content, in other words those aspects dealing with
information, actions, events and experience, as
verbalized by him or her. Reflecting content helps to
give focus to the situation but, at the same time, it is
also essential to reflect the feelings and emotions
expressed in order to bring them into sharper focus.
This helps the speaker to own and accept their own
feelings, for quite often a speaker may talk about them
as though they belong to someone else, for example
using “you feel guilty” rather than “I feel guilty.”
• A skilled listener will be able to reflect a speaker's
feelings from body cues (non-verbal) as well as
verbal messages. It is sometimes not appropriate
to ask such direct questions as “How does that
make you feel?” Strong emotions such as love
and hate are easy to identify, whereas feelings
such as affection, guilt and confusion are much
more subtle. The listener must have the ability
to identify such feelings both from the words and
the non-verbal cues, for example body language,
tone of voice, etc.
• As well as considering which emotions the speaker is feeling, the
listener needs to reflect the degree of intensity of these emotions:
• Reflecting needs to combine content and feeling to truly reflect the
meaning of what the speaker has said. For example:
• Speaker:
• “I just don't understand my boss. One minute he says one thing
and the next minute he says the opposite.”
• Listener:
• “You feel very confused by him?”
• Reflecting meaning allows the listener to reflect the speaker's
experiences and emotional response to those experiences. It links
the content and feeling components of what the speaker has said.
• Guidelines for Reflecting

 Be natural.
 Listen for the basic message - consider the content, feeling and meaning expressed by the speaker.
 Restate what you have been told in simple terms.
 When restating, look for non-verbal as well as verbal cues that confirm or deny the accuracy of
your paraphrasing. (Note that some speakers may pretend you have got it right because they feel
unable to assert themselves and disagree with you.)
 Do not question the speaker unnecessarily.
 Do not add to the speaker's meaning.
 Do not take the speaker's topic in a new direction.
 Always be non-directive and non-judgmental.
• Clarifying

• Clarification involves offering back to a speaker

the essential meaning, as understood by the
listener, of what they have just said. Thereby
checking that the listener's understanding is
correct and resolving any areas of confusion or
misunderstanding.
• The purpose of clarification is therefore to:

 Ensure that the listener's understanding of what the speaker has

said is correct.
 Reassure the speaker that the listener is genuinely interested in
them and is attempting to understand what they are saying.

 As an extension of reflecting, clarifying reassures the speaker that

the listener is attempting to understand the messages they are
expressing. Clarifying can involve asking questions or occasionally
summarizing what the speaker has said.
• A listener can ask for clarification when they cannot
make sense of the speaker's responses. Sometimes,
the messages that a speaker is attempting to send can
be highly complex, involving many different people,
issues, places and/or times. Clarifying helps you to
sort these out and also to check the speaker's
priorities. Through clarification it is possible for the
speaker and the listener to make sense of these often
confused and complex issues. Clarifying involves
genuineness on the listener's part and it shows
speakers that the listener is interested in them and in
what they have to say. See our page: Active Listening
for more about attentive listening skills.
• Some examples of non-directive clarification-seeking
questions are:
• “I'm not quite sure I understand what you are saying.”
• “I don't feel clear about the main issue here.”
• “When you said ........ what did you mean?”
• “Could you repeat ...?”
• Clarifying involves:
• Non-judgmental questioning.
• Summarizing and seeking feedback as to its accuracy.
• Questions
• When you are the listener in a sensitive
environment, the right sort of non-directive
questioning can enable the speaker to describe
their viewpoint more fully. Asking the right
question at the right time can be crucial and
comes with practice. The best questions are
open-ended as they give the speaker choice in
how to respond, whereas closed questions allow
only very limited responses.
• Open Questions
• If your role is to assist a speaker to talk about
an issue, often the most effective questioning
starts with 'when', 'where', 'how' or 'why'.
These questions encourage speakers to be
open and expand on their thoughts. For
example:
• “When did you first start feeling like this?”
• “Why do you feel this way?”
• Closed Questions
• Closed questions usually elicit a 'yes' or 'no'
response and do not encourage speakers to be
open and expand on their thoughts. Such
questions often begin with 'did you?' or 'were
you?' For example:
• “Did you always feel like this?”
• “Were you aware of feeling this way?”
• See our pages: Questioning and Types of
Question for more information.
• Guidelines for Clarifying
• Clarification is the skill we use to ensure that
we have understood the message of the
speaker in an interpersonal exchange. When
using clarification follow these guidelines to
help aid communication and understanding.
 Admit if you are unsure about what the speaker means.
 Ask for repetition.
 State what the speaker has said as you understand it, and
check whether this is what they really said.
 Ask for specific examples.
 Use open, non-directive questions - if appropriate.
 Ask if you have got it right and be prepared to be
corrected.
• Summarizing
• As a further extension to clarification a summary
involves reviewing what has taken place during
the whole conversation. It is important to keep
only to the essential components of the
conversation, and it must be given from the
speaker's frame of reference, not an
interpretation from the listener’s viewpoint. The
aim of a summary is to review understanding, not
to give explanation, to judge, to interpret or
provide solutions.
• Summarizing should be done at the end of a
conversation, although sometimes it may be
appropriate midway through as a way of drawing
together different threads. At the start of a
conversation, it is useful to summarize any
previous discussions or meetings as it can help to
provide focus. Whilst the summary is likely to be
the longest time a listener will be speaking during
a conversation, it is important to be as concise
and straightforward as possible.
• Summary of Clarification
• In reflecting, clarifying and summarizing, speakers must be allowed
to disagree with, and correct, what the listener says. They should
be encouraged to express themselves again, if necessary, giving the
listener another chance at understanding, and to check
understanding until agreement is reached.
• Reflecting, clarifying and summarizing are all tools used by active
listeners to enable them to demonstrate understanding and
encourage a speaker to talk openly. It is essential that the listener
and speaker both have the same understanding of the discussion
and the speaker must have the opportunity to correct the listener's
understanding. These are the tools of any good interpersonal
relationship and are therefore important interpersonal skills.
CHAPTER 8 BUILDING RAPPORT
• Rapport is a state of harmonious understanding with
another individual or group that enables greater and
easier communication. In other words rapport is
getting on well with another person, or group of
people, by having things in common; this makes the
communication process easier and usually more
effective. Sometimes rapport happens naturally, you
‘hit it off’ or ‘get on well’ with somebody else without
having to try, this is often how friendships are built.
However, rapport can also be built and developed by
finding common ground, developing a bond and being
empathic.
• This page examines rapport and how it can be
built, especially when meeting new people.
Rapport is important in both our professional
and personal lives; employers are more likely
to employ somebody who they believe will get
on well with their current staff. Personal
relationships are easier to make and develop
when there is a closer connection and
understanding between the parties involved –
i.e. there is greater rapport.
• The first task in successful interpersonal relationships
is to attempt to build rapport. Building rapport is all
about matching ourselves with another person. For
many, starting a conversation with a stranger is a
stressful event; we can be lost for words, awkward
with our body language and mannerisms. Creating
rapport at the beginning of a conversation with
somebody new will often make the outcome of the
conversation more positive. However stressful and/or
nervous you may feel the first thing you need to do is
to try to relax and remain calm, by decreasing the
tension in the situation communication becomes
easier and rapport grows.
• Break the Ice

• When meeting somebody for the first time some simple tips will
help you reduce the tension in the situation enabling both parties
to feel more relaxed and thus communicate more effectively:

• Use non-threatening and ‘safe topics’ for initial small talk. Talk
about established shared experiences, the weather, how you
travelled to where you are. Avoid talking too much about yourself
and avoid asking direct questions about the other person.
• Listen to what the other person is saying and look for shared
experiences or circumstances - this will give you more to talk about
in the initial stages of communication. (See Listening Skills and
Active Listening for more information)
• Try to inject an element of humor. Laughing together creates
harmony, make a joke about yourself or the
situation/circumstances you are in but avoid making jokes about
them.
• Be conscious of your body language and other non-verbal signals
you are sending. Try to maintain eye contact for approximately
60% of the time. Relax and lean slightly towards them to indicate
listening, mirror their body-language if appropriate. (See Non-
Verbal Communication for more information)
• Show some empathy. Demonstrate that you can see
the other person’s point of view. Remember rapport is
all about finding similarities and ‘being on the same
wavelength’ as somebody else - so being empathic will
help to achieve this. (See our page What is Empathy
for more information)
• Make sure the other person feels included but not
interrogated during initial conversations, as you may
feel tense and uneasy meeting and talking to
somebody new, so may they. Put the other person at
ease, this will enable you to relax and conversation to
take on a natural course.
• Although initial conversations can help us to relax, most
rapport-building happens without words and through non-
verbal communication channels.

• We create and maintain rapport subconsciously through

matching non-verbal signals, including body positioning,
body movements, eye contact, facial expressions and tone
of voice with the other person. Watch two friends talking
when you get the opportunity and see how they sub-
consciously mimic each other’s non-verbal communication.
We create rapport instinctively, it is our natural defense
from conflict, which most of us will try hard to avoid most
of the time.
• It is important that appropriate body language is
used; we read and instantly believe what body
language tells us, whereas we may take more
persuading with vocal communication. If there is
a mismatch between what we are saying verbally
and what our body language is saying then the
person we are communicating with will believe
the body language. Building rapport, therefore,
begins with displaying appropriate body language
- being welcoming, relaxed and open.
• As well as paying attention to and matching body
language with the person we are communicating
with, it helps if we can also match their words.
Reflecting back and clarifying what has been said
are useful tactics for repeating what has been
communicated by the other person. Not only will
it confirm that you are listening but also give you
opportunity to use the words and phases of the
other person, further emphasizing similarity and
common ground. (See Reflecting and Clarifying
for more information)
• The way we use our voice is also important in
developing rapport. When we are nervous or
tense we tend to talk more quickly, this in turn
can make you sound more tense and stressed.
We can vary our voices, pitch, volume and pace
in ways to make what we are saying more
interesting but also to come across as more
relaxed, open and friendly. Try lowering your
tone, talk more slowly and softly, this will help
you develop rapport more easily. (See Effective
Speaking for more information on how your voice
can be used to aid communication)
• Helpful Rapport Building Behaviors
• If you are sitting then lean forward, towards
the person you are talking to, with hands
open and arms and legs uncrossed. This is
open body language and will help you and the
person you are talking to feel more relaxed.
• Look at the other person for approximately 60% of the time. Give
plenty of eye-contact but be careful not to make them feel
uncomfortable.

 When listening, nod and make encouraging sounds and gestures.

 Smile!
 Use the other person’s name early in the conversation.
 Ask the other person open questions. Open questions require
more than a yes or no answer. (See our pages: Questioning and
Types of Question)
 Use feedback to summarize, reflect and clarify back to the other
person what you think they have said. This gives opportunity for
any misunderstandings to be rectified quickly.
 Talk about things that refer back to what the other person has said.
Find links between common experiences.
 Try to show empathy. Demonstrate that you can understand how
the other person feels and can see things from their point of view.
 When in agreement with the other person, openly say so and say
why.
 Build on the other person’s ideas.
 Be non-judgmental towards the other person. Let go of stereotypes and any
preconceived ideas you may have about the person.
 If you have to disagree with the other person, give the reason first then say you
disagree.
 Admit when you don’t know the answer or have made a mistake. Being honest is
always the best tactic, acknowledging mistakes will help to build trust.
 Be genuine, with visual and verbal behaviors working together to maximize the
impact of your communication.
 Offer a compliment, avoid criticism.
Chapter 9 Dealing with Criticism
• Dealing with criticism positively is an important life
skill. At some point in your life you will be criticized.
Perhaps in a professional and sometimes it will be
difficult to accept – but that all depends on your
reaction. You can either use criticism in a positive way
to improve, or in a negative way that can lower your
self-esteem and cause stress, anger or even
aggression.
• To deal with criticism positively may require good self-
esteem and some assertiveness skills, you may find our
pages: Improving Self-Esteem and Assertiveness
useful.
• There are two types of criticism - constructive
and destructive – learning to recognize the
difference between the two can help you deal
with any criticism you may receive.
• Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain
but it takes character and self-control to be
understanding and forgiving.”
• Dale Carnegie – How to Win Friends and Influence
People
• When challenged by another person, it is common to
react in a negative manner. Consider how negative
reactions make you look – and more importantly how
they make you feel. The way in which you choose to
handle criticism has a knock-on effect in various
aspects of your life, therefore it is better to identify
ways in which you can benefit from criticism and use it
to your advantage to be a stronger and more able
person.
• Constructive and Destructive Criticism
• The difference between constructive criticism and
destructive criticism is the way in which comments are
delivered. Although both forms are challenging your
ideas, character or ability, when someone is giving
destructive criticism it can hurt your pride and have
negative effects on your self-esteem and confidence.
Destructive criticism is often just thoughtlessness by
another person, but it can also be deliberately
malicious and hurtful. Destructive criticism can, in
some cases, lead to anger and or aggression. See our
pages: What is Stress? | What is Anger? and Dealing
with Aggression for more information.)
• Constructive criticism, on the other hand, is designed
to point out your mistakes, but also show you where
and how improvements can be made. Constructive
criticism should be viewed as useful feedback that can
help you improve yourself rather than put you down.
When criticism is constructive it is usually easier to
accept, even if it still hurts a little. In either scenario
always try to remember that you can use criticism to
your advantage.
• “A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never
be successful.”
• Proverbs 28:13
• Dealing with Critical People
• Some individuals are critical by nature and do not
always realize that they are hurting the feelings of
another person. If you know a person who is critical of
everything try not to take their comments too
seriously, as this is just part of their character trait. If
you do take negative comments to heart it can create
resentment and anger towards the other person,
which could damage the relationship. Remember,
people who criticize everything or make scathing
remarks to be hurtful are the ones that need help – not
you!
• How you physically react to criticism will depend on the
nature of the criticism, where you are and who the criticism
is coming from. The key thing to remember is that
whatever the circumstance is, don´t respond in anger as
this will cause a scene and create bad feelings – and
possibly a bad image of you. Try to remain calm and treat
the other person with respect and understanding. This will
help to defuse the situation and potentially stop it from
getting out of hand. Show that you are the stronger person
and try not to rise to the bait, do not use it as a reason to
offer counter criticism. If you challenge the other person
you may start an argument that is probably unnecessary.
If you find it difficult to cope with criticism you may find our
page: Anger Management helpful.
• If you do feel that you may lose self-control,
or say or do something potentially damaging,
walk away. If you are in a meeting at work,
politely excuse yourself and leave the room
until you have had time to gather yourself.
Even though somebody´s negative remarks
may hurt, it is more harmful for you to allow
their criticism to be destructive to your
confidence.
• Taking the Positives out of Criticism
• We all make mistakes all the time, it is human nature.
As we go through life we have plenty of opportunity to
learn and improve ourselves. Therefore, no matter
what kind of criticism is aimed at you, analyses it to
find something you can learn from it. In material
matters at work, school or social clubs for example, try
to take criticism on board to help you improve. When
somebody is attacking your character it is hard to
accept, but that does not mean you should ignore it.
• Also bear in mind that the criticism aimed at you may not
make sense at the time. Generally speaking, there is usually
some truth in criticism, even when it appears to be given
out of spite and bitterness. It is often the case that a slight
on your character is a fair reflection of how another person
sees you at that point in time. Take a step back and try to
see things from the other person’s point of view, perhaps
ask a friend for their honest opinion – use criticism wisely
and as a learning experience. See if it is possible to learn a
little about how others perceive you, you may be able to
use criticism to improve your interpersonal skills.
• We all learn by making mistakes, and learning how to deal
with criticism positively is one way that we can improve our
relationships with others.
Chapter 10 Communicating in
Difficult Situations
• Most people want to avoid conflict and
potentially stressful situations – this is human
nature. People often find it easier to avoid
communicating something that they think is
going to be controversial or bad, putting off
the communication and letting the situation
fester.
• A manager may hold off telling an employee that their standard of
work is unsatisfactory. A wife may put off explaining to her
husband that she has scratched the car. A child may put off telling
their parents that they are struggling with classes at school. Most
people can think of times when they have put off having that
‘difficult’ conversation, most people will also recognise that putting
off the difficult conversation alleviates short-term anxiety.
However, constantly putting off difficult communication situations
often leads to feelings of frustration, guilt, annoyance with oneself,
anger, a reduction in self-confidence and ultimately more stress
and anxiety. By following some simple guidelines and using some
well-tuned communication skills communicating in difficult
situations becomes easier.
• There are two distinct types of difficult conversation,
planned and unplanned:
• Planned conversations occur when the subject has been
given thought, they are planned as the time, place and
other circumstances have been arranged or are chosen for
a reason. Planned difficult conversations could include
asking an employer for a pay-rise or perhaps telling your
parents that you are leaving home to live somewhere else.
Although these situations are, by their nature, difficult they
are controlled and as long as time has been taken to
prepare and think properly about how others may react
they can often end up being easier than imagined.
• Unplanned difficult conversations take place on the
spur of the moment; these are often fuelled by anger
which can, in extreme cases, lead to aggression. Our
pages: What is Anger? and Dealing with Aggression
cover these topics in more detail. Often, after an
unplanned difficult conversation we feel a surge of
emotion – regret or shame if things didn't go too well
or potentially a boost to self-esteem and confidence if
they did. After such encounters it is wise to reflect and
learn from our experiences trying to find positives and
ways of improving future unplanned difficult
conversations.
• Certain jobs and roles require difficult communication to be
handled professionally, with empathy, tact, discretion and clarity.
Some examples are:
• Politicians often have to communicate bad news, for example,
failures in their departments, scandals, not meeting targets etc. As
Politicians are in the public eye they may be judged by how well
they communicate bad news. They will worry about their
electorate and the repercussions for their self-image, their political
party and their country. It is not unusual for Politicians to use ‘spin
doctors’ and ‘public relation gurus’ who can advise, alleviate
personal blame and find positives in potentially bad news. Another
trick sometimes used by politicians is to coincide the release of bad
news with some other, unrelated big news story, with the hope
that media and public attention will be focused elsewhere.
• Doctors and other Health Care Professionals may need
to communicate bad or unexpected news to patients
and relations of patients, for example, diagnosis and
prognosis. Such professionals will have received
training and will have worked in practice scenarios to
help them to deliver such news effectively and
sensitively.
• Police and other Law Enforcement Officers may need
to communicate bad news to victims of crime or their
family and friends. Such professionals will have
received at least basic training in delivering bad news.
• Managers in organizations may need to
communicate difficult information on several
levels, to staff who are under-performing or if
redundancies are necessary. Managers may
also need to report bad news upwards to
directors or board members, perhaps profits
are down or some arm of the organization is
failing.
• Emotion and Change
• There are two main factors that make communication seem difficult: emotion and
change.
• Emotion
• People tend to look at emotions as being positive or negative. Happiness is
positive and therefore sadness must be negative, calmness is positive whereas
stress and anxiety are negative. Emotions are, however, a natural response to
situations that we find ourselves in, and the only time that we need to be
concerned is when we consistently feel emotions inappropriate to our current
situation. Emotions are therefore not positive or negative but appropriate or
inappropriate. When faced with unexpected news we may find ourselves
becoming upset, frustrated, angry – or perhaps very happy and excited. It is
helpful to recognize how we react to things emotionally and to think of different
ways in which emotions can be controlled if necessary. Similarly, if we need to
communicate information which may have an emotional effect on another person,
it is helpful to anticipate what that effect might be and to tailor what we say or
write accordingly.
• Change
• Often difficult conversations are about some sort of
change, for example, changes in your job or ways of
doing things, changes in finances or health, changes in
a relationship. Change is inevitable. Different people
handle change in different ways, some respond very
positively to a change in circumstances whereas others
may only be able to see problems and difficulty at first.
If possible it is beneficial to think about the positive
side of the change and the potential opportunities that
it may bring. It is better for an individual’s wellbeing if
they are able to embrace change as positively as
possible, thus helping to minimize stress and anxiety.
• Skills You Need for Dealing with Difficult Conversations:

• There has to be a balance between communicating

something difficult and being as sensitive as possible to
those concerned. The skill set required to do this may
seem somewhat contradictory as you may need to be both
firm and gentle in your approach. Recommended skills
include:
• Gather Information

• Make sure you have your facts straight before you begin, know what you are going
to say and why you are going to say it. Try to anticipate any questions or concerns
others may have and think carefully about how you will answer questions. See our
pages: Questioning and Question Types.

• Be Assertive

• Once you are sure that something needs to be communicated then do so in an

assertive way. Do not find yourself backing down or changing your mind mid
conversation, unless of course there is very good reason to do so. Visit our pages:
Assertiveness and Assertiveness - Tips & Techniques for more information.
• Be Empathic

• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about how they will feel
about what you are telling them; how would you feel if the roles were
reversed? Give others time to ask questions and make comments. See
our page: What is Empathy?.

• Be Prepared to Negotiate

• Often a difficult situation requires a certain amount of negotiation, be

prepared for this. When negotiating, aim for a Win Win outcome – that
is, some way in which all parties can benefit. See our section:
Negotiation.
• Use Appropriate Verbal and Non-Verbal Language

• Speak clearly avoiding any jargon that other parties may not understand, give eye
contact and try to sit or stand in a relaxed way. Do not use confrontational
language or body language. Our pages: Verbal Communication and Non-Verbal
Communication provide more information about how to communicate effectively.

• Listen

• When we are stressed we listen less well, try to relax and listen carefully to the
views, opinions and feelings of the other person/people. Use clarification and
reflection techniques to offer feedback and demonstrate that you were listening.
Our pages Listening Skills, Reflecting and Clarifying can help.
• Try to Stay Calm and Focused
• Communication becomes easier when we are
calm, take some deep breaths and try to maintain
an air of calmness, others are more likely to
remain calm if you do. Keep focused on what you
want to say, don’t deviate or get distracted from
the reason that you are communicating. See What
is Stress? and Dealing with Stress for some tips and
advice on how you may keep calm.
CHAPTER 11 PERSONAL
PRESENTATION
• Personal presentation is all about marketing YOU, the
brand that is you. What others see you do and hear you
say will influence their opinion of you – so personal
presentation is about painting yourself in as positive a light
as possible – always.
• Organizations spend a lot of time and money working on
their image, developing their brand and producing as many
positive signals as possible. Staff in organizations should
know that everything they do is marketing for the
organization, every email they send, every phone call they
take, every time they interact with a client or customer.
Organizations also spend a lot of time and money recruiting
and training the right kind of people to project the right
kind of image.
• This section of Skills You Need is designed to help
you gain more confidence and expertise in
presenting yourself positively. Although personal
presentation is key in one-to-one situations such
as a conversation, in a group situation such as a
meeting, or when giving a presentation such as a
talk or speech it is also important in less formal
situations, when socializing with friends, for
example. How people perceive you is important
to communication and you should always aim to
be viewed as positively and confidently as
possible.
• People who present themselves as confident
will be perceived as such by others.
• Your appearance and understanding of
personal presentation techniques such as
effective speaking and positive body language
will enhance your communication skills and
raise your confidence.
• Effective Communication
• Personal presentation is about you and how you present yourself in
everyday situations. However, personal presentation always
involves at least two people - the person presenting themselves
(you) and the person receiving the presentation. It can therefore be
described as an interaction. Personal presentation is concerned
with conveying appropriate signals for the situation and for the
other individuals involved. People who lack self-esteem and
confidence may fail to convey their message effectively or fully
utilise their skills and abilities because of the way they present
themselves. By improving your personal presentation you improve
your communication skills and reduce barriers to understanding.
Everybody presents themselves differently and most can improve
their personal presentation.
• Our pages: Communication Skills | Barriers to
Communication and Improving Self-Esteem
provide more information. Read again to
understand the communication skills
• Personal presentation is about learning about
yourself, being inner-directed and accepting of
who you are, your positives and your negatives,
and being comfortable with yourself. Personal
presentation is not about being self-conscious or
overly concerned with what others think about
you.
• The Main Areas of Personal Presentation are:
• Self-Esteem and Confidence:
• Self-esteem is not a static thing; it varies based
on numerous factors, different situations and the
presence of different people, personal stress
levels and change. Think about how you value
yourself and learn to manage the highs and lows
of self-esteem, find ways of appearing more
confident even when you are not and learn some
powerful techniques to boost your self-esteem
and learn about your personality.
• See Improving Self-Esteem for more.
• Confidence is a measure of how well we think
we may perform certain roles or tasks. Linked
to self-esteem, confidence is how we feel
about our ability.
• See Building Confidence for more discussion,
tips and advice.
• Effective Speaking:
• Your voice says a lot about you and learning how
to use it more effectively has many benefits. Our
Effective Speaking page examines aspects of your
voice, accent, tone, pitch, volume and
encourages you to learn more about your voice
and how you use it to its full potential. Learn to
communicate more dynamically, fluently and
with passion and enthusiasm.
• Personal Appearance:
• The way you dress and take care of your general
appearance are important factors in personal
presentation, what messages does the way you
dress send to others? Your personal appearance
also includes the body language, gestures and
other non-verbal messages that you use. By
being aware of positive and negative non-verbal
signals you can improve your image and the way
people perceive you.
• Time Management:
• If you don't manage your time wisely you are less
likely to be able to get everything done
effectively. You are also more likely to be
disorganized and run late for meetings or other
appointments. Poor time management has an
effect on how you are perceived by others. Learn
some simple techniques to help you improve
your time management skills, get more done and
avoid being late.
• Aspects of self-confidence in personal presentation can
be learned through practice, good preparation and an
understanding of the control of the voice along with
the personal visual images you send through body
language. By utilizing simple techniques such as
controlled breathing and the use of positive body
language, nerves and tension can be reduced. This in
turn leads to feelings of increased self-esteem and
greater confidence. This is especially true in more
formal situations, culminating in improved
communication and therefore better understanding.
• Effective Speaking
• Your voice can reveal as much about your personal
history as your appearance. The sound of a voice and
the content of speech can provide clues to an
individual's emotional state and a dialect can indicate
their geographic roots. The voice is unique to the
person to whom it belongs. For instance, if self-
esteem is low, it may be reflected by hesitancy in the
voice, a shy person may have a quiet voice, but
someone who is confident in him/herself will be more
likely to have command of their voice and clarity of
speech.
• Aspects of Effective Speaking
• Effective speaking has nothing to do with the
outdated concept of 'elocution' where
everyone was encouraged to speak in the
same 'correct' manner. Rather, effective
speaking concerns being able to speak in a
public context with confidence and clarity,
whilst at the same time reflecting one's own
personality.
• Aspects of effective speaking include:

 Accents.
 Finding your voice.
 The effect of breath on voice and speech.
 Vocal production.
 Accents
• Regional and ethnic accents are positive; they are part of
individual personality. Gradually, over the years, through
the migration of people and exposure to the media, they
are being broken down and neutralized. In some ways this
is a shame because accents can add a dimension and
distinctiveness to voice and emphasize individuality.
• It is important to get used to the sound of your own voice.
Most people are more relaxed in a private situation,
particularly at home, where there are no pressures to
conform to any other social rules and expectations. This is
not the case in public situations when there are all sorts of
influences exerted upon the way people speak.
• Try recording your own voice in an informal setting,
like at home. Listen carefully to how you sound in
order to become accustomed to your own voice. You
might also note any aspects of your speech which
reduce the overall effectiveness of your message.
Often people don’t like the sound of their own
recorded voice – in the same way that some people
don't like photographs of themselves - they can feel
embarrassed. Most of us are not used to hearing our
own voices and these feelings are totally normal. Get
past the initial, ‘Do I really sound like that?’ stage and
develop a better understanding of your voice.
• When relaxed you will feel more confident,
therefore by listening to your voice at home
you will have an idea of how you sound to
other people. Although you cannot hear your
voice in the same way that others hear you,
you can develop an awareness of its impact
on others. Understanding the physical nature
of your voice will give you more control over
the way that you use it.
• Individuals are all used to using language in an
informal way in their everyday lives, but as soon as a
hint of formality is suggested, they can become self-
conscious and seize up. This becomes especially
obvious when speaking in front of strangers in a public
setting. The more you get used to the sound of your
voice functioning in a slightly more formal way, the
easier it is when doing it 'for real'. In conversational
mode, individuals tend to speak in short phrases, a few
at a time. Reading aloud helps you to become used to
the more fluent sound of your voice.
• The following exercise may help if you want to develop your effective speaking
skills:

 Find a magazine article or, preferably, the first chapter of a book. You will need
something about two pages in length. Read it through silently first, then read it
aloud in your normal speaking voice. Do not worry if you stumble or falter, just
pick up and continue to the end. Now read it a third time, recording if possible,
remembering:
 Slow down: It is a natural reaction to want to get it over as fast as possible and this
often causes people to stumble over their words. Speeding up also occurs when
you are nervous and usually makes you more difficult to understand.
 Keep your head up: Try not to tuck your chin into the book as your voice is
then addressing the floor. Hold your book higher and project your voice.
 Pause occasionally: Let the end of a sentence or the end of a paragraph
give you a chance of a small, two or three second rest. Pauses can be
useful for emphasis.
 Practice this exercise as often as you can.
 Anyone can improve the sound of their voice and the way they speak in a
matter of days through a few simple exercises. However, it does mean a
certain commitment and regular practice for a few minutes each day.
 The Effect of Breath on Voice and Speech
• Personal Appearance
• Personal appearance is an often disregarded part
of communication and presentation skills. When
you are speaking in public you may be
representing your organization or just yourself,
but it is still you in the front line. It is you that the
other person, group or audience sees and before
you have time to open your mouth and give an
account of yourself, certain assumptions, both
consciously and subconsciously, have been made.
• First impressions are very important - they can
be about attitude as well as dress.
• Visual impact is at least as important as verbal
impact, people will very quickly make
assumptions based on your facial expressions,
the clothes you wear, how well groomed you
are and your body language
• Facial Expressions
• Little can be done to alter your face but a lot can
be done about the expression that is on it.
However the day started and whatever minor
crisis has occurred along the way, people have
not come to meet you with a dark expression on
your face. It is your duty to yourself as well as to
the organization that you represent to convey a
calm, friendly and professional exterior, despite
how you may feel inside. Smile and appear
optimistic.
• Personal Image:
• The reflection that stares back at you from a mirror is
not necessarily a true likeness of the face known to
family, friends and colleagues, because they will see
you off-guard, in repose, concentrating on a task or
listening to them. How many people can honestly
admit to looking in a mirror without altering their
expression? It is quite natural to ‘play to a mirror’
possibly by raising an eyebrow, pulling a face or
smiling at the reflection. This is why people often feel
self-conscious when they see a ‘bad’ photograph of
themselves.
• The Real You:
• It is human nature to make compromises. All individuals change
their approach depending on the people they meet and what they
feel is expected from them. Your 'on-duty' self, the one who
functions in public, is different from your 'off-duty' self, the one
concerned with home, family and friends. Everyone has many and
varied roles in life. You can be one person and be a parent,
son/daughter, brother/sister, friend, adviser, patient, client and
consumer all in one day. These differing roles all require their own
particular qualities and skills in personal communication and can
also call upon different requirements of attitude and appearance,
i.e., of visual image. Your external image (appearance) is how you
are seen by the world, whereas the real you (not a role model or
the person you would like to be) is someone who is honest with
themselves.
• Clothes and Grooming
• What sort of external image is appropriate to the organization you
represent? Only you can answer this question. Due to the nature
of the work, some organizations are happy for people to be casually
dressed, whilst others may expect smarter attire. It is important to
be suitably dressed within expected limits. Nobody expects you to
be packaged into something you are not, but your appearance is a
reflection of your own self-esteem and you should aim to present
yourself to your best possible advantage. Whilst you might be
casually dressed when working within your organization, a more
formal approach may well be preferable when representing your
organization at an external meeting. Good grooming and a tidy
appearance is preferable, whether casually or more formally
dressed.
• Body Language
• Understanding body language is one of the
most important aspects of personal
presentation. The image conveyed by the
physical self should support and enhance
what is being communicated verbally. If the
visual image differs widely from the spoken
message, it is often the non-verbal account
that is believed.
• The way you sit, stand, your gestures and mannerisms
and your facial expressions will say far more about you
and how you are feeling at any given time than the
words you are using. When individuals are nervous or
uneasy, their behavioral 'bad habits' become more
pronounced. Awareness of your body language, of
how you behave under pressure, what signals you are
unconsciously giving, how nerves and stress affect you
physically, can help you understand how you 'come
across' to others. It can also explain how the wrong
impression is sometimes given and how confusion can
occur.
• Working on body language is a way of improving personal
presentation. For example, when concentrating on something
rather hard, your expression may look troubled, when in reality you
are not anxious at all, merely absorbed. This does not mean you
should go around with a fixed smile on your face, but just be aware
that your physical self might send one set of signals when your
mind is involved elsewhere.
• Body language can also be used as a mask to convey contrary
feelings. How often have you nodded firmly when you did not
understand a word, smiled when your instinct was to scowl,
clapped enthusiastically at the end of a talk that nearly put you to
sleep? In these cases you were not being hypocritical, but using
body language positively as the mechanism of good manners.
• The gestures of individuals are part of their
personalities, a part of how they express themselves.
Hand and arm movements can add emphasis, aid
explanation and convey enthusiasm. They only
become a negative signal when repeated so often that
they become irritating to the observer. Listeners can
become so side-tracked by the sight of someone
constantly playing with his/her hair, tapping on the
table with a pen, etc., that they no longer listen to the
spoken word. Thus the negative signal has broken
down the chain of communication.
• Positive Body Language:

• Positive body language includes:

 Maintaining eye contact with the person to whom you are speaking.
 Smiling (if appropriate) but especially as a greeting and when parting.
 Sitting squarely on a chair, leaning slightly forward (this indicates you are paying
attention).
 Nodding in agreement.
 A firm handshake.
 Presenting a calm exterior.
 Looking interested.
• Negative Body Language:

• Negative body language includes:

 Not looking at a person when speaking.

 Tapping a foot, fingers etc.
 Rocking backwards and forwards.
 Scratching.
 Continually clearing your throat.
 Fiddling with hair, ear lobes, jewelry, jacket, glasses, etc.
 Picking at fingers or finger nails.
 Yawning.
 Repeatedly looking at your watch or a clock in the room.
 Standing too close to others.
 Inattention to a person speaking.
• Building Confidence
• Confidence is not something that can be learned like a set of rules;
confidence is a state of mind. Positive thinking, practice, training,
knowledge and talking to other people are all useful ways to help
improve or boost your confidence levels. Confidence comes from
feelings of well-being, acceptance of your body and mind (self-
esteem), belief in your own ability, skills and experience. Low-
confidence can be a result of many factors including: fear of the
unknown, criticism, being unhappy with personal appearance (self-
esteem), feeling unprepared, poor time-management, lack of
knowledge and previous failures. Confidence is not a static
measure, our confidence to perform roles and tasks can increase
and decrease; some days we may feel more confident than others.
This page provides practical advice about things that you can do to
build your confidence.
• Confidence and self-esteem are not the same thing,
although they are often linked. Confidence is the term
we use to describe how we feel about our ability to
perform roles, functions and tasks. Self-esteem is how
we feel about ourselves, the way we look, the way we
think - whether or not we feel worthy or valued.
People with low self-esteem often also suffer from
generally low confidence, but people with good self-
esteem can also have low confidence. It is also
perfectly possible for people with low self-esteem to
be very confident in some areas. For more discussion
see our page: What is Self-Esteem.
• Performing a role or completing a task
confidently is not about not making mistakes.
Mistakes are inevitable, especially when doing
something new. Confidence includes knowing
what to do when mistakes come to light and
therefore is also about problem solving and
decision making
• Planning and Preparation
• People often feel less confident about new or
potentially difficult situations. Perhaps the most
important factor in developing confidence is
planning and preparing for the unknown. If you
are applying for a new job for example, you
would be wise to prepare for the interview. Plan
what you would want to say in the interview and
think about some of the questions that you may
be asked. Practice your answers with friends or
colleagues and gain their feedback.
• There are many other examples of planning
for an interview, perhaps you should visit the
hairdresser before you go. How are you going
to travel to the interview, how long will the
journey take? What should you wear? Take
control of unknown situations the best you
can, break down tasks into smaller sub-tasks
and plan as many as you can.
• Learning, Knowledge and Training
• Learning and research can help us to feel more confident about our
ability to handle situations, roles and tasks. Knowing what to expect
and how and why things are done will add to your awareness and
usually make you feel more prepared and ultimately more
confident. Learning and gaining knowledge can sometimes make us
feel less confident about our abilities to perform roles and tasks,
when this happens we need to combine our knowledge with
experience. By doing something we have learned a lot about we put
theory to practice which develops confidence and adds to the
learning and comprehension.
• First-time parents to-be may well feel nervous and less than
confident about having a baby. They are likely to buy books or visit
websites which can offer advice and dispel some of the mysteries.
They are also likely to talk to other parents to gain knowledge and
understanding.
• In the workplace, training may be provided for
staff to teach them how to manage or work
with new systems and procedures. During a
period of organizational change this is
particularly important as many people will
naturally resist changes. However if those
affected by the changes are given adequate
information and training then such resistances
can usually be minimized.
• Positive Thought

• "Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and
confidence."

• Helen Keller

• Positive thought can be a very powerful way of improving confidence. There is a lot of information
about positive thinking both online and in print. The basic rules of positive thinking are to highlight
your strengths and successes and learn from your weaknesses and mistakes. This is a lot easier
than it sounds, we often dwell on things that we are not happy with from our past - making them
into bigger issues than they need to be. These negative thoughts can be very damaging to
confidence and your ability to achieve goals. Try to recondition the way you think about your life
and remember:
• Know your strengths and weaknesses. Write a list
of things that you are good at and things that you
know need improvement. Discuss your list with
friends and family, inevitably they will be able to
add to the list. Celebrate and develop your
strengths and find ways to improve or manage
your weaknesses.
• We all make mistakes. Don't think of your
mistakes as negatives but rather as learning
opportunities.
• Accept compliments and compliment yourself. When you
receive a compliment from somebody else, thank them and
ask for more details; what exactly did they like? Recognise
your own achievements and celebrate them by rewarding
yourself and telling friends and family about them.
• Use criticism as a learning experience. Everybody sees the
world differently, from their own perspective, what works
for one person may not work for another. Criticism is just
the opinion of somebody else. Be assertive when receiving
criticism, don't reply in a defensive way or let criticism
lower your self-esteem. Listen to the criticism and make
sure that you understand what is being said, use criticism
as a way to learn and improve. See our page: Dealing with
Criticism for more information.
• Try to stay generally cheerful and have a
positive outlook on life. Only complain or
criticize when necessary and when you do, do
so in a constructive way. Offer others
compliments and congratulate them on their
successes.
• Talking to Others and Following their Lead
• "Confidence is contagious. So is lack of
confidence."
• Vince Lombardi
• Generally people are attracted to confident people -
confidence is one of the main characteristics of
charisma. See our page: What is Charisma for a full
explanation. Speaking to and being around people who
are confident will usually help you to feel more
confident. Learn from others who are successful in
fulfilling the tasks and goals that you wish to achieve -
let their confidence rub off on you. As you become
more confident then offer help and advice, become a
role-model for somebody less confident.
• Experience
• As we successfully complete tasks and goals, our
confidence that we can complete the same and similar
tasks again increases. Gaining experience and
taking the first step can, however, be very difficult.
Often the thought of starting something new is worse
than actually doing it, this is where preparation,
learning and thinking positively can help. Break roles
and tasks down into small achievable goals. Make each
one of your goals fit SMART criteria. That is to make
goals Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and
Timed.
• Be Assertive
• Being assertive means standing up for what you
believe in and sticking to your principles; being
assertive also means that you can change your mind if
you believe it is the right thing to do, not because you
are under pressure from somebody else.
Assertiveness, confidence and self-esteem are all very
closely linked - usually people become naturally more
assertive as they develop their confidence. See our
Assertiveness section and Assertiveness Techniques
page for more information.
• Avoid Arrogance
• Arrogance is detrimental to interpersonal
relationships. As your confidence grows and you
become successful, avoid feeling or acting superior to
others. Remember - nobody is perfect, there is always
more that you can learn. Celebrate your strengths and
successes and recognized your weaknesses and
failures. Give others credit for their work - use
compliments and praise sincerely. Be courteous and
polite and show an interest in what others are doing,
ask questions and get involved. Admit to your mistakes
and be prepared to laugh at yourself!
CHAPTER 12 WHAT IS EMPATHY ?
• Empathy is a term that is often misunderstood. This page
attempts to describe 'empathy' and suggest ways that we
can become more empathetic towards others. Empathy is
perhaps the most advanced of all communication skills.
• Empathy is the ability to see the world as another person,
to share and understand another person’s feelings, needs,
concerns and/or emotional state.
• Empathy is a selfless act, it enables us to learn more about
people and relationships with people - it is a desirable skill
beneficial to ourselves, others and society. Phrases such
as ‘being in your shoes’ and ‘soul mates’ imply empathy -
empathy has even been likened to a spiritual or religious
state of connection with another person or group of
people.
• “I call him religious who understands the suffering of others.”
• -Mahatma Gandhi
• Being empathetic requires two basic components - effective
communication and strong imagination; shared experiences can
also help you to empathize. Empathy is a skill that can be
developed and, as with most interpersonal skills, empathizing (at
some level) comes naturally to most people. You can probably
think of examples when you have felt empathy for others or when
others have been empathetic towards you. Imagine a colleague
becomes stressed at work due to an unfortunate situation in their
personal life; their productivity falls and deadlines are missed. If
you were empathetic you might try to relieve work pressures and
offer to help out where you could. You could try to imagine how it
must feel to be that person and understand why their work
commitments were not being met.
• Effective Communication
• Understanding is the desired outcome or goal in
any communication process. Basic
understanding is easily achieved but a deeper
understanding is the result of effective
communication. This involves overcoming the
various barriers to communication, being able to
express yourself effectively verbally and non-
verbally, by active listening, clarification and
other interpersonal skills.
• Strong Imagination
• In addition to effective communication good powers of
imagination are required to empathize with others.
Everybody sees the world differently, based on their
experiences, their up-bringing, culture, religion,
opinions and beliefs. In order to empathize with
another person you need to see the world from their
perspective and therefore need to use some
imagination as to what their perspective is based on,
how they see the world and why they see it differently
from you. Many people find it easier to empathize
with people who are closer to them and have more
shared experiences and views.
• We have all been exposed to news stories of drought and
famine in Africa, we can feel sorry for those affected and
may be able to help in some way. We hear stories of
people walking across the desert to become refugees in a
neighboring country or region, see the pictures of flies
buzzing around children with matchstick arms and swollen
stomachs, can we emphasize? The information we are
receiving via the media is limited and we don’t have all the
facts. If we have never lived in a desert and have had very
few shared experiences with the people in question then
our imaginations cannot accurately fill in the gaps of
information and enable us to fully empathize. More likely
we feel sympathetic or pity for the people concerned.
• Empathy is not Sympathy
• There is an important distinction between empathy and sympathy.
We offer our sympathy when we imagine how a situation or event
was difficult or traumatic to another person, we may use phases
like, ‘I am very sorry to hear that’ or ‘If there is anything I can do to
help…’, we feel pity or sorry for the other person. This is how many
people would react to the famine example above, there is nothing
wrong with sympathy, and it can help to offer closure. Perhaps by
sending a donation to a charity to help with the famine we can
think, ‘I’ve done my bit’ and forget about it. To empathize is to feel
how others feel, to see the world as they do. Empathy with the
people in the example above would require, for many of us living in
the West, a leap of imagination.
• Towards Empathy
• It may not always be easy, or even possible, to empathize with
others but through good communication skills and some
imagination we can work towards more empathetic feelings.
Research has suggested that individuals who can empathize enjoy
better relationships with others and greater well-being through life.
• “I think we should talk more about our empathy deficit - the ability
to put ourselves in someone else's shoes; to see the world through
the eyes of those who are different from us - the child who's
hungry, the steelworker who's been laid off, and the family who
lost the entire life they built together when the storm came to
town. When you think like this, when you choose to broaden your
ambit of concern and empathize with the plight of others, whether
they are close friends or distant strangers; it becomes harder not to
act; harder not to help."
• Barrack Obama – 2006
• What is Charisma? How to be Charismatic
• It is common for people to struggle with a definition of
‘charisma’ in relation to communication and the social
sciences.
• Ultimately charisma is the result of excellent
communication or interpersonal skills, as such skills
can be learned and developed - so developing our own
charisma is possible. Becoming charismatic involves
paying careful attention to how we interact with other
people; the traits that make up charisma are positive
and appealing to others. The charismatic person uses
their skills to get people on their side, perhaps from a
professional, ideological or social point of view.
• When asked to think about a charismatic person most
people think about a public figure, like a politician,
celebrity or successful leader. These people are
charismatic and successful, due often to their
charisma, but there are also many ‘ordinary’ people
who possess a charismatic personality. The popular
child at school, the staff in the restaurant who make
the most tips, the popular person in the office who is
friends with everybody. Some people are more
charismatic than others - we can recognized charisma
but what makes it? This page explores some of the
traits of the charismatic person and how such traits
may be developed.
• Charisma is:
• Confidence
• Charismatic people are confident people – or at least have
the ability to appear confident. Being confident to
communicate in a variety of situations, one-to-one, in
groups and in front of audiences is a skill that many people
struggle with. A charismatic person can not only appear
confident in communication but they can also help others
feel confidence too, thus aiding and enhancing the
communication process. Charismatic people are confident
in a positive way, without being boastful or egotistical. See
our pages: Building Confidence and Improving Self-Esteem
for more information.
• Optimism
• As with confidence charismatic people are, or
have the ability to appear, optimistic. This means
they try to see the best in other people,
situations and events - they usually remain
cheerful and 'bubbly'. Charismatic people have
the capability to encourage others to see things
as they do, thus they can enthuse and enable
others to feel more optimistic. Positive thinking
and optimism can be powerful forces for
successful negotiation and problem-solving.
• Emotional Players
• The ability to appear confident and/or optimistic
if you are not requires a certain amount of
‘acting’. Although charismatic people are very
good at showing their true emotions when this
works to their best advantage, they are usually
also good at masking or acting in a way that
makes others believe what they see. The
analogy of a swan is useful in this example, calm
and serine on the surface but with a lot of hidden
activity out of view to the casual observer.
• Interesting and Interested
• Charismatic people are both interesting – others want to listen to
what they have to say, and interested – they want to listen to what
others have to say. Charismatic people are often good storytellers,
with an engaging manner when speaking and explaining. They are
able to communicate their message clearly and concisely, being
serious and injecting humor where appropriate to keep their
audience attentive and focused. When they are in one-on-one or
small group situations, charismatic people will use open, relaxed,
body language including lots of eye contact. They will watch for
feedback from their audience and clarify their position accordingly.
When in larger groups or making a presentation to others, body
language will be more exaggerated in an attempt to include
everybody. Our pages: Non-Verbal Communication | Personal
Presentation | Active Listening and Effective Speaking cover many
of these points in more detail.
• Charismatic people are also interested in others. They are
likely to ask open questions to help them understand the
views, opinions and feelings of others and, because of their
ability to make others feel at ease, will often get honest
and heartfelt answers. The charismatic person can be
empathetic and considerate towards others, remembering
details from previous conversations and therefore gaining
respect and trust. See our pages: Questioning and What is
Empathy? for more information.
• A sincere smile, maintaining eye contact, being polite and
courteous is a very effective way of getting people on your
side. People are much more likely to do things for you if
they are treated well and you are nice to them.
• Intelligence
• As charismatic people want to be able to
communicate effectively with others they are
usually good at initiating conversations. They
tend to be intelligent, with an up-to-date
knowledge on current affairs and rounded
general knowledge. This makes small talk, the
sometimes awkward beginnings of
conversations, easier.
• Charismatic people often have expert
knowledge in some area – they are able to
explain complex topics in such a way that their
audience understands, adapting their
explanations according to the abilities, view
point and expertise of those they are
addressing. Expert knowledge also inspires
the confidence and belief of others in the
abilities of charismatic people.
• Assertive
• The power of charisma is the ability to make people want
what you want or unite in a common cause. This ability can
be used for both good and bad causes, charismatic leaders
may be able to influence and encourage their followers, to
motivate people to do what they want. A charismatic
confidence trickster may be able to use their skills to gain
the trust and respect of their victims before ultimately
extorting money or other valuables. Charismatic people
are assertive but usually in subtle ways, they can persuade
through their words, encourage with their optimism and
confidence and be assertive by utilising their understanding
of emotions, both theirs and those of other people.
• Attention to detail
• Charisma is all about attention to detail and the
detail of how interpersonal interaction takes
place. It is communicating dynamically, with
passion and enthusiasm whilst displaying positive
body language. It involves thinking positively,
having optimism and self-confidence, it’s being
persuasive and building the respect and trust of
others. We can all learn to be more charismatic
by developing our interpersonal skills through
understanding and practice.
Chapter 13 Teamwork & Definition
• Teamwork
• Definition: The process of working collaboratively with a group of people in order
to achieve a goal. Teamwork is often a crucial part of a business, as it is often
necessary for colleagues to work well together, trying their best in any
circumstance. Teamwork means that people will try to cooperate, using their
individual skills and providing constructive feedback, despite any personal conflict
between individuals.

• Teamwork in the Classroom

• What is Teamwork?
• Teamwork is defined in Webster's New World Dictionary as "a joint action by a
group of people, in which each person subordinates his or her individual interests
and opinions to the unity and efficiency of the group." This does not mean that the
individual is no longer important; however, it does mean that effective and
efficient teamwork goes beyond individual accomplishments. The most effective
teamwork is produced when all the individuals involved harmonize their
contributions and work towards a common goal.
• Why Should Teachers be Interested in Teamwork?
• Teamwork has become an important part of the working
culture and many businesses now look at teamwork skills
when evaluating a person for employment. Most
companies realize that teamwork is important because
either the product is sufficiently complex that it requires a
team with multiple skills to produce, and/or a better
product will result when a team approach is taken.
Therefore, it is important that students learn to function in
a team environment so that they will have teamwork skill
when they enter the workforce. Also, research tells us that
students learn best from tasks that involve doing tasks and
involve social interactions.
• Collaborative learning should be included in
almost every classroom, but some teachers
struggle with having students work
cooperatively. There are a number of reasons for
this struggle, which include the need to develop
good team exercises and the added difficulty in
assessing the individual performance of the team
members. This is where understanding how to
teach effective teamwork becomes a crucial task
for the teacher.
• What is the Difference Between a Group Exercise
and a Team Exercise?
• One of the first things that an instructor must
recognize is the difference between an individual
working as part of a group and an individual
working as part of a team. Below is a list of the
differences that exist between these categories.
After reading through the list, it should be clear
what the difference is and which one would be
ideal in a classroom and the workplace.
• Characteristics of Effective Teams.
• The following are eight characteristics of
effective teams the were identified by Larson
and LaFasto in their book titled Teamwork:
What Must Go Right/What Can Go Wrong
(Sage Publications 1989).
• The team must have a clear goal. Avoid fuzzy,
motherhood statements. Team goals should call for a
specific performance objective, expressed so concisely
that everyone knows when the objective has been
met.
• The team must have a results-driven structure. The
team should be allowed to operate in a manner that
produces results. It is often best to allow the team to
develop the structure.
• The team must have competent team members. In the
education setting this can be take to mean that the
problem given to the team should be one that the
members can tackle given their level of knowledge.
• The team must have unified commitment. This
doesn't mean that team members must agree on
everything. It means that all individuals must be
directing their efforts towards the goal. If an
individual's efforts is going purely towards
personal goals, then the team will confront this
and resolve the problem.
• The team must have a collaborative climate. It is
a climate of trust produced by honest, open,
consistent and respectful behavior. With this
climate teams perform well...without it, they fail.
• The team must have high standards that are
understood by all. Team members must know
what is expected of them individually and
collectively. Vague statements such as "positive
attitude" and "demonstrated effort" are not good
enough.
• The team must receive external support and
encouragement. Encouragement and praise
works just as well in motivating teams as it does
with individuals.
• The team must have principled leadership.
Teams usually need someone to lead the
effort. Team members must know that the
team leader has the position because they
have good leadership skills and are working
for the good of the team. The team members
will be less supportive if they feel that the
team leader is putting him/herself above the
team, achieving personal recognition or
otherwise benefiting from the position.
• Stages of Team Growth.
• It is important for teacher and students (the
team members) to know that teams don't just
form and immediately start working together
to accomplish great things. There are actually
stages of team growth and teams must be
given time to work through the stages and
become effective. Team growth can be
separated into four stages.
• Stage 1: Forming. When a team is forming, members
cautiously explore the boundaries of acceptable group
behavior. They search for their position within the group
and test the leader's guidance. It is normal for little team
progress to occur during this stage.

• Stage 2: Storming. Storming is probably the most difficult

stage for the group. Members often become impatient
about the lack of progress, but are still inexperienced with
working as a team. Members may argue about the actions
they should take because they faced with ideas that are
unfamiliar to them and put them outside their comfort
zones. Much of their energy is focused on each other
instead of achieving the goal.
• Stage 3. Norming. During this stage team members accept the team
and begin to reconcile differences. Emotional conflict is reduced as
relationships become more cooperative. The team is able to
concentrate more on their work and start to make significant
progress.

• Stage 4. Performing. By this stage the team members have

discovered and accepted each other's strengths and weaknesses,
and learned what their roles are. Members are open and trusting
and many good ideas are produced because they are not afraid to
offer ideas and suggestions. They are comfortable using decision
making tools to evaluate the ideas, prioritize tasks and solve
problems. Much is accomplished and team satisfaction and loyalty
is high.
• Since working as part of a team can improve
learning and is a much needed skill in today's
workplace, some team exercises should be
included in the classroom. With well planned
out tasks, careful guidance, and close
observation, instructors can make team
exercises extremely valuable learning
experiences.
Chapter 14 Appreciating and Valuing
Diversity In Teams
• Diversity in the classroom defined
• Having a diverse group of students simply means recognizing that
all the people are unique in their own way. Their differences could
consist of their reading level, athletic ability, cultural background,
personality, religious beliefs, and the list goes on. There has always
been diversity in the classroom, but in today society it is important
to embrace it and make positive use of it. Teachers should value
diversity and they need to model this attitude to their students.
When people value diversity, they recognize and respect the fact
that people are different and that these differences is generally a
good thing. For example, when attempting to solve a problem, it is
better to assemble a diverse team with many skills and many
different ways of approaching the problem than it is to assemble a
team that has all their strength concentrated in one area.
• What can teachers do to encourage, value, and promote
diversity?
• Teachers must provide students with an environment that
is conducive to learning. If a student feels uncomfortable,
unsafe, or not respected, then their chances of success in
that class dramatically decrease. Also, as our society
becomes more diverse, it is important that students learn
to value and use diversity to the greater good. Teachers
already have a number of roles in the classroom; yet,
valuing diversity is one of the most important ones a
teacher must fill. Below is a list of just a few things that
teachers can do to create an environment where each
student feels valued and respected.
• Take the time to learn about your students' background, interests,
and learning style.
• This will allow you to create an environment that is conducive to
each individual student.
• Allow time for the students to learn about each other and gain an
appreciation for the diversity they bring to the classroom.
• Remind them how boring it would be if we were all alike and there
were no differences among us to make each person unique.
• Teach students that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. When
working in teams encourage students to take advantage of the
strengths of the team members in order to produce the best
possible results.
• Bring in different people to the class as resources that
students might be able to connect with.
• Search out people that are different from yourself and
that might share certain qualities with your students.
• Students need role models. Many times when they see
they are connected in some way to a person they will
be more apt to listen and learn from them.
• Never tolerate bullying, teasing, and other put-down
behavior at any time in the classroom.
• Implement a "zero tolerance" for anything that is
disrespectful, hurtful, or intolerant of diversity.
• Are You REALLY Listening?
• Listen up!
• Teaching is all about communicating, and communicating includes
listening as well as speaking and writing. You are probably aware that one
of the most important things in any healthy relationship is
communication. Not only should both parties be able to verbalize their
thoughts, questions, and ideas; but they should both be willing to really
work at LISTENING to each other. Effective teachers really work at
listening, understanding and responding to their students.
• Not everyone has good listening skill and this includes teachers. However,
there are certain things that can be done to improve listening skills. The
concepts below may help you to become a better listener and help you to
model these skills to your students in the classroom. The key concept is
that successful communication involves being an active listener.
• How to be an active listener
• Be attentive.
• Use your face, voice, and body to show that you are
truly interested in what the other person is saying.
• Listen with an accepting attitude.
• Ask some questions to demonstrate that you are
sincerely interested.
• Use reflections and restatements frequently to try to
communicate to the person what you think they are
saying and test for understanding.
• Use encouraging words to show you are listening.
• "Mmm, hmm"
• "I see."
• "Right."
• "Uh, huh."
• Use nonverbal actions to show you are listening.
• relaxed posture
• head-nodding
• facial expression
• relaxed body expression
• eye contact
• Use encouraging words that will invite them
to continue on.
• "Tell me more."
• "Sounds like you have some ideas on this."
• "I'm interested in what you have to say."
• "Let's talk about it."
• Things to avoid while being an active listener
• Do not interrupt.
• Do not interrogate. Limit the number of questions you ask so that
you are "drilling" them.
• Do not try to think of your response in your own head while you are
listening.
• Do not change the subject.
• Avoid phrases like:
• "Are you sure."
• "You shouldn't feel that way."
• "Its not that bad."
• You're making something out of nothing."
• "Sleep on it. You'll feel better tomorrow."
• "That's a dumb question."
• Do not be judgmental, which will allow
students to feel that they can communicate
questions and ideas.
• Effective Discipline
• Discipline is probably the most difficult and unpleasant part of any
educator's job. When instructors effectively communicate rules, set
high expectations and provided frequent feedback, the need for
discipline will likely be infrequent. However, action is occasionally
required to correct a situation where a student has broken the rules
or is not putting in the required amount of effort. The approach
taken to the disciplinary action often determines its effectiveness.
Many traditional approaches to discipline are negative, punitive
and reactive, which result in bad feelings for all parties involved. A
positive approach to discipline involves a process designed to solve
performance problems and encourage good performance. The
basic theory behind the positive discipline approach is that when a
student is treated as an adult who must solve a problem, rather
than as a child who must be punished, the student is more likely to
respond positively and correct the problem.
• Well before any disciplining action is required,
there must be acceptance and understanding
of the rules of conduct and the disciplinary
system by both teachers and students.
Students should know exactly what is
expected of them and what the consequences
will be if they do not meet those expectations.
The rules should be consistent and fair. The
discipline system will be more effective when
there is consistency between teachers.
• Criteria for an Effective Disciplinary System
• If discipline is to be effective, it should:
• Emphasize correcting the problem rather that distributing punishment.
• Maintain the student's self-esteem and dignity.
• Provide for increasingly serious consequences if the problem is not resolved.
• Be easy for the teacher to administer and evaluate.
• Result in the desired behavioral change in the student.
• Key Components of an Effective Disciplinary System
• Mutual respect between the teacher and the student should be maintained.
• Maintain or enhance motivation if possible.
• Hold a Coaching/Counseling meeting as soon as possible to when the problem is
first identified.
• Always hold the meeting in private. If disciplinary action is taken in front of others,
the student is likely to become defensive and less open.
• During the disciplinary meeting:
• Review the facts and state the problem in terms of
desired performance and actual performance.
• Give the student a chance to explain or ask why the
problem is occurring.
• Listen to what the student has to say.
• Explain the rational for the policy or rule that was
violated.
• Ask the student for possible solutions to the problem.
• Clearly communicate the changes that needed to be
made and the time frame for making them.
• Express confidence in the students ability to
change/improve. End on a positive note.
• Keep the discussion confidential.
• Follow-up as required and provide regular
feedback.
• Take additional disciplinary action if
necessary.
• Overcoming the Fear of Making a Mistake
• For effective learning to take place, a classroom
should have a community-like environment.
Students need to feel comfortable and accepted.
They should not fear failure or be weary of
sharing their opinions and presenting their ideas.
Teachers should encourage students to ask
questions when in doubt and explain their
thinking behind their understanding of concepts.
• It is difficult for many students to have the courage needed
to voice their opinion or to openly explore unfamiliar ideas.
Teachers must work hard to make everybody feel like they
are an important asset to the classroom. They can do this
by not always calling on a select group of students and
never rejecting students' answers. Instead teachers should
encourage participation from all students and ask students
to explain their thinking even if it is wrong. Caine and Caine
(1991) suggest that, "When students feel good about
themselves as learners, they are willing to take risks and
focus the attention necessary for further learning. Students
are more willing to tackle tasks if they believe they can be
successful."
• When teachers model respect for all students, they are
encouraging community within their room. Respect is
not easy to instill in all students, but teachers should
always be making conscious attempts to model it.
Teachers should promote that, "Treating people with
respect means letting them know that their safety, and
happiness matter, that they are important and worthy
simply because they are fellow human beings"
(Josephson Institute, 1997). It may be useful to remind
students of the "Golden Rule." The Golden Rule is a
universal concept that many of the major religions and
philosophers can all agree on.
• Confucius: What you do not want done to yourself, do not
do unto others.
• Aristotle: We should behave to others as we wish others to
behave to us.
• Judaism: What you dislike for yourself, do not do to
anyone.
• Hinduism: Do nothing to thy neighbor which thou wouldst
not have him do to thee there after.
• Islam: No one of you is a believer unless he loves for his
brother what he loves for himself.
• Buddhism: Hurt not others with that which pains thyself.
• Christianity: Do unto others as you would have them do
unto you.
• Students need to feel accepted in the classroom, but some
discomfort is unavoidable and necessary. It is healthy for
students to experience discomfort when their conceptual
understanding is challenged or when they are encouraged
to a take risk such as practicing their public speaking. It may
be useful to hold discussions about how science and other
fields of study would not progress if people were not
willing take risks and try new things. It should be made
obvious to students that most successful people do not
completely avoid making mistakes but they learn from
these experiences. Teachers should also frequently
reinforce that the purpose of the class is for learning and
that when someone is learning they don't have all the right
answers and may even make a mistake.
Chapter 15 Characteristics of Effective
Teams
• 1. There is a clear unity of purpose.
• There was free discussion of the objectives until members
could commit themselves to them; the objectives are
meaningful to each group member.
• 2. The group is self-conscious about its own operations.
• The group has taken time to explicitly discuss group process
-- how the group will function to achieve its objectives. The
group has a clear, explicit, and mutually agreed-upon
approach: mechanics, norms, expectations, rules, etc.
Frequently, it will stop to examined how well it is doing or
what may be interfering with its operation. Whatever the
problem may be, it gets open discussion and a solution
found.
• 3. The group has set clear and demanding performance goals
• for itself and has translated these performance goals into well-defined
concrete milestones against which it measures itself. The group defines
and achieves a continuous series of "small wins" along the way to larger
goals.

• 4. The atmosphere tends to be informal, comfortable, relaxed.

• There are no obvious tensions, a working atmosphere in which people are
involved and interested.
• 5. There is a lot of discussion in which virtually everyone participates,
• but it remains pertinent to the purpose of the group. If discussion gets off
track, someone will bring it back in short order. The members listen to
each other. Every idea is given a hearing. People are not afraid of being
foolish by putting forth a creative thought even if it seems extreme.
• 6. People are free in expressing their feelings as well as
their ideas.
• 7. There is disagreement and this is viewed as good.
• Disagreements are not suppressed or overridden by
premature group action. The reasons are carefully
examined, and the group seeks to resolve them rather
than dominate the dissenter. Dissenters are not trying
to dominate the group; they have a genuine difference
of opinion. If there are basic disagreements that
cannot be resolved, the group figures out a way to live
with them without letting them block its efforts.
• 8. Most decisions are made at a point where there is general
agreement.
• However, those who disagree with the general agreement of the
group do not keep their opposition private and let an apparent
consensus mask their disagreement. The group does not accept a
simple majority as a proper basis for action.
• 9. Each individual carries his or her own weight,
• meeting or exceeding the expectations of other group members.
Each individual is respectful of the mechanics of the group: arriving
on time, coming to meetings prepared, completing agreed upon
tasks on time, etc. When action is taken, clears assignments are
made (who-what-when) and willingly accepted and completed by
each group member.
• 10. Criticism is frequent, frank and relatively
comfortable.
• The criticism has a constructive flavor --
oriented toward removing an obstacle that
faces the group.
• 11. The leadership of the group shifts from
time to time.
• The issue is not who controls, but how to get
the job done.
• Ten Qualities of an Effective Team Player
• If you were choosing team members for a
business team in your organization, who would
the best team players be? Assuming that people
have the right technical skills for the work to be
done, what other factors would you use to select
your team members?
• Teams need strong team players to perform well.
But what defines such people?
• Demonstrates reliability
• You can count on a reliable team member who gets work
done and does his fair share to work hard and meet
commitments. He or she follows through on assignments.
Consistency is key. You can count on him or her to deliver
good performance all the time, not just some of the time.
• Communicates constructively
• Teams need people who speak up and express their
thoughts and ideas clearly, directly, honestly, and with
respect for others and for the work of the team. That's
what it means to communicate constructively. Such a team
member does not shy away from making a point but makes
it in the best way possible — in a positive, confident, and
respectful manner.
• Listens actively
• Good listeners are essential for teams to function effectively. Teams
need team players who can absorb, understand, and consider ideas
and points of view from other people without debating and arguing
every point. Such a team member also can receive criticism without
reacting defensively. Most important, for effective communication
and problem solving, team members need the discipline to listen
first and speak second so that meaningful dialogue results.
• Functions as an active participant
• Good team players are active participants. They come prepared for
team meetings and listen and speak up in discussions. They're fully
engaged in the work of the team and do not sit passively on the
sidelines.
• Team members who function as active participants take the
initiative to help make things happen, and they volunteer for
assignments. Their whole approach is can-do: "What contribution
can I make to help the team achieve success?"
• Shares openly and willingly
• Good team players share. They're willing to share information,
knowledge, and experience. They take the initiative to keep other
team members informed.
• Much of the communication within teams takes place informally.
Beyond discussion at organized meetings, team members need to
feel comfortable talking with one another and passing along
important news and information day-to-day. Good team players are
active in this informal sharing. They keep other team members in
the loop with information and expertise that helps get the job done
and prevents surprises.
• Cooperates and pitches in to help
• Cooperation is the act of working with others and acting together
to accomplish a job. Effective team players work this way by second
nature. Good team players, despite differences they may have with
other team members concerning style and perspective, figure out
ways to work together to solve problems and get work done. They
respond to requests for assistance and take the initiative to offer
help.
• Exhibits flexibility
• Teams often deal with changing conditions — and often create
changes themselves. Good team players roll with the punches; they
adapt to ever-changing situations. They don't complain or get
stressed out because something new is being tried or some new
direction is being set.
• In addition, a flexible team member can
consider different points of views and
compromise when needed. He or she doesn't
hold rigidly to a point of view and argue it to
death, especially when the team needs to
move forward to make a decision or get
something done. Strong team players are firm
in their thoughts yet open to what others
have to offer — flexibility at its best.
• Shows commitment to the team
• Strong team players care about their work, the team, and the team's
work. They show up every day with this care and commitment up front.
They want to give a good effort, and they want other team members to
do the same.
• Works as a problem-solver
• Teams, of course, deal with problems. Sometimes, it appears, that's the
whole reason why a team is created — to address problems. Good team
players are willing to deal with all kinds of problems in a solutions-
oriented manner. They're problem-solvers, not problem-dwellers,
problem-blamers, or problem-avoiders. They don't simply rehash a
problem the way problem-dwellers do. They don't look for others to fault,
as the blamers do. And they don't put off dealing with issues, the way
avoiders do.
• Team players get problems out in the open for discussion and then
collaborate with others to find solutions and form action plans.
• Treats others in a respectful and supportive manner
• Team players treat fellow team members with
courtesy and consideration — not just some of the
time but consistently. In addition, they show
understanding and the appropriate support of other
team members to help get the job done. They don't
place conditions on when they'll provide assistance,
when they'll choose to listen, and when they'll share
information. Good team players also have a sense of
humor and know how to have fun (and all teams can
use a bit of both), but they don't have fun at someone
else's expense. Quite simply, effective team players
deal with other people in a professional manner.
• Team players who show commitment don't come in any
particular style or personality. They don't need to be rah-
rah, cheerleader types. In fact, they may even be soft-
spoken, but they aren't passive. They care about what the
team is doing and they contribute to its success — without
needing a push.
• Team players with commitment look beyond their own
piece of the work and care about the team's overall work.
In the end, their commitment is about winning — not in the
sports sense of beating your opponent but about seeing
the team succeed and knowing they have contributed to
this success. Winning as a team is one of the great
motivators of employee performance. Good team players
have and show this motivation.
• How to Hire the Best Brains for the Best Team
• A great leader needs a great team. But how do you build
the best team in your business? Even if someone looks
great on a resume, you need to make sure they’ll be great
as part of the whole business team. And building a team
starts — no surprise — with teamwork.
• After candidates make it through the resume search, the
networking search, the Internet search, and the first and
second interviews with you, you’re ready to bring in the big
brains. Rather than relying exclusively on yourself to
choose your employees, let those who will work with the
new hire conduct an interview. Try the following:
• Pick out two of the employees in the department
for which you're hiring — two who truly display
the “we” attitude. Be sure they get along well
with you and with others on their team.
• Let them get to know the candidate first in a
formal meeting and later in a more social
situation, like lunch.
• Find out whether they were able to build rapport
and find common values. Compare your
experience with theirs.
• If a candidate passes the first interview with his potential co-
workers, let the interviewers take the candidate to their
department and get to know the others who they may be working
with.
• It’s important for you to spend some time with applicants in the
working environment, too. Just be sure that you model the
behavior you want to see. Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King,
Jr., were respected and followed because they believed in what
they lived and they shared what they believed. Whether you're
interviewing, showing others around your business, or interacting
with your employees, what you do is what you get. Some of this
stems from the fact that your shared values inspire your employees
or employee candidates, and some comes from the action of mirror
neurons, which are linked particularly to empathy and inspire
mimicry.
• Providing some interaction between you and your
candidates in the work setting gives them a better feel
for how you live your values. Let them see how you
treat others, talk to customers, and consider
everyone’s feelings. Doing so also gives you the
opportunity to see how well the candidate follows
your lead. Can she mimic your welcoming smile, your
sincere handshake, and your desire to please the
customer?
• If the entire team wants this candidate and you like
this person as well, you have your new employee.
• The Types of Workplace Teams
• The kind of team that you set up among your
business's employees depends on that employee
team's assigned goal. A workplace team means a
group of employees who are working together on
either a temporary or a permanent basis to
achieve a common objective.
• Here are the three most common types of work
teams:
• Project team: A project team is pretty much what it sounds like — a
group of people brought together to accomplish a particular
project. (Sometimes project teams are referred to as steering
committees or task forces.) Typically, when the project ends, the
team ends.
• Not every task demands that you put together a team. For a project
team to succeed, you need to make sure that the task is
appropriate for a group of people to work on together.
• Cross-functional team: A cross-functional team is made up of
employees from different departments or areas of the business.
• Self-directed work team: Like a project team, a self-directed work
team is just what it sounds like — a team that determines how it
will get a job done and has the authority, and often the budget, to
carry out decisions.
• The phrase self-directed work team — or self-
managed team — doesn’t mean that the team
doesn’t need a leader or manager. It just
means that the team is responsible and
accountable for its decisions, as opposed to
proposing action that will be approved or
denied by someone outside the team.
• Differences between Work Groups and Teams
• Teams definitely are forms of work groups, but
not all work groups are teams. In fact, plain work
groups are much more numerous than teams.
• Work groups function on three levels:
• • Dependent level
• • Independent level
• • Interdependent level
• Here's the breakdown.
• Dependent-level work groups
• Dependent-level work groups are the traditional work unit or
department groups with a supervisor who plays a strong role as the
boss. Almost everyone has had some experience with this work
setup, especially in a first job.
• Each person in a dependent-level work group has his or her own
job and works under the close supervision of the boss. The boss is
in charge and tells the employees the do's and don'ts in their jobs.
Helping each other and covering for one another do not occur often
and do so mostly under the direction of the supervisor. In fact,
most problem solving, work assignments, and other decisions
affecting the group come from the supervisor.
• A dependent-level work group can perform well
in the short term. But for the long run, because
group members operate separately and mostly at
the direction of the supervisor, such work groups
don't seem to go anywhere. Maintaining the
status quo and keeping operations under control
are what they do best. Creating improvements,
increasing productivity, and leveraging resources
to support one another are quite uncommon
with dependent-level work groups.
• Independent-level work groups
• Independent-level work groups are the most common form of work
groups on the business scene. Like a dependent-level work group,
each person is responsible for his or her own main area. But unlike
the dependent level, the supervisor or manager tends not to
function like the controlling boss. Instead, staff members work on
their own assignments with general direction and minimal
supervision.
• Sales representatives, research scientists, accountants, lawyers,
police officers, librarians, and teachers are among the professionals
who tend to work in this fashion. People in those occupations come
together in one department because they serve a common overall
function, but almost everyone in the group works fairly
independently.
• If members of an independent-level work group receive the
managerial guidance and support they need on the job, such a work
group can perform quite well.

• Interdependent-level work groups

• Members of an interdependent-level work group rely on each other
to get the work done. Sometimes members have their own roles
and at other times they share responsibilities. Yet, in either case,
they coordinate with one another to produce an overall product or
set of outcomes. When this interdependence exists, you have a
team. And by capitalizing on interdependence, the team
demonstrates the truth of the old saying: The whole is greater than
the sum of its parts.
• An independent work group can often be brought
up to speed faster than an interdependent group.
It simply takes more time to get a group of
individuals to work as a team than to set a group
of individuals off on their independent
assignments. Yet when teams move into a high-
functioning and high-producing state, where they
capitalize on interdependence, they can
outperform all other types of work groups. So, if
you want a quick fix, don't look to teams: but if
you want to see strong results for the long term,
do look to teams.
• To call a group a team does not make them a
team: wishing for them to work as a team
doesn't work either. For a snapshot of the main
differences between work groups and teams,
take a look at Table 1. As you can see, work
groups have a strong individual focus and teams
have a strong collective focus. The individual is
not lost on a team, but that person's work is
coordinated to fit in with the greater good. Team
concerns are much more focused on the
outcomes of the overall unit rather than an
individual's accomplishments.
Chapter 16 Teams & Creativity
• Why And Where Is Teamwork Important?
• Working effectively as part of a team is incredibly important for
output quality, morale, and retention. My professional experience
involving teamwork has primarily been within software
engineering, but most of the takeaway lessons aren’t limited to
engineering.
• From the perspective of efficiency, a traditional argument against
staffing large teams comes from Frederick Brooks’s The Mythical
Man-Month. A man-month or person-month refers to the unit of
work that one person can accomplish in one month. The basic
premise that Brooks argues against is the notion that a software
project that takes one person a year to complete (twelve person-
months) can have its timeline shortened to a single month simply
by staffing the project with a dozen engineers. Upon seeing projects
falling behind, many managers want to put schedules back on track
by simply adding more engineers to the project.
• The problem with this logic — and the reason
it’s a myth — is that each additional engineer
added to a project incurs both communication
and coordination overhead with everyone else
on the team, and so the time to complete a
project doesn’t actually decrease linearly with
increased staffing. This leads to what is
commonly known as Brooks’s Law, that
“adding manpower to a late software project
makes it later.”
• Because of this line of reasoning, managers or
technical leads sometimes over-correct and attempt to
maximize efficiency by staffing single-person projects
to reduce the communication overhead down to zero.
Some companies, like Google, even emphasize in their
promotion processes that an engineer has to
demonstrate ownership in a project, which incentivizes
engineers to define and prioritize individual projects so
that they can be the indisputable owners of those
projects and increase their chances for a promotion.
• The reality is that there are a number of downsides
and risks to working alone that affect output quality
and morale:
• Working alone makes it harder to get early and continual
design feedback, thereby decreasing output quality. A tight
feedback cycle is critical to achieving a productive state of
flow, and the earlier that you can get feedback, the less
likely that you’ll waste time going down the wrong path
and earlier you’ll know to correct your course. In practice,
one place where this shows up in software development is
that it’s significantly easier for someone to review your
code and to give good feedback if they actually work on the
same team as you and share the same project context as
you; it’s much harder to for someone on a different project
to give you code. Brian Fitzpatrick and Ben Collins-Sussman
capture this notion well in one of their taglines in Team
Geek: “software development is a team sport.”
• Working alone reduces learning. One part of this is related to the
first point, where there are fewer people with a shared context to
challenge your ideas. Another is that because the project takes
much longer to complete, each individual working along works on
fewer projects over time.
• Working on a team increases the bus factor for a project. The bus
factor of a project refers to the number of team members that can
be hit by a bus (or gets sick, leaves the company, goes on maternity
leave, etc.) before a project comes to a complete halt; a higher bus
factor reduces risk on a project. It also helps prevent obscure and
undocumented shortcuts taken by a single individual and forces
team members to spread knowledge and to do things in a way that
other people on the team can pick up if necessary.
• Working on a team increases accountability. Peer pressure is a powerful force.
Particularly if you’re working with people whom you respect and don’t want to let
down, the motivation to help your team succeed can override the dips in
motivation that you encounter on days when you’re not at your best.
• Slower project momentum from working alone reduces morale. Project estimation
is hard, and projects tend to slip behind schedule. In single-person projects, a
single stall can put the project to a halt, just like how in a grocery store with only
one checkout line, one problematic customer or one item that needs a price check
can put all sales to a temporary halt. With at least one additional person on the
project, there can still at least be some forward momentum. A related point is that
people tend to think about time spent on a project in terms of time elapsed and
not time invested, so even if you’ve only been working part-time on a project for
two months spread out over half a year, it’s hard for you and others within the
organization to internalize that and not think the entire project proceeded slowly
and took half a year to complete. This disappointment at the time elapsed to a
finish a project can also reduce overall morale and excitement.
• The lows of a project are more demoralizing when
working alone. Sand traps that you struggle to get out
of, monotonous work that you need to grind through,
and bugs that seem to defy all understanding become
less draining and more bearable when there’s
someone else to share the pain with.
• The highs of a project are more motivating when
working as a team. Celebrating an achievement with
teammates is a great way to boost morale. If you work
alone, who are you going to high-five when you get
something working?
• The lower morale from solo projects also tends to mean lower employee
happiness and consequently lower retention. For all these reasons, I
strongly believe that one-person teams should be avoided in growing
organizations and that the minimum team size should be two. In any
project, there might be one-person tasks, but grouping those tasks
thematically into a shared team context so that people are still working
together toward a shared goal rather than working separately mitigates a
lot of the above risks.
• For companies with many ongoing projects or for products with large
surface areas, it’s tempting to argue that because there’s so much to get
done anyways, it makes sense to just staff a number of one-person teams
(an oxymoron) on orthogonal projects to make some progress on
everything. This can be a symptom that the organization is undisciplined
enough to prioritize and either cut or serialize projects. In Crossing the
Chasm, Geoffrey Moore argues that one reason many high-tech
companies fail to take their product into the mainstream market is due to
this lack of discipline in limiting the set of projects to focus on:
• “This isn’t rocket science, but it does represent a kind
of discipline. And it is here that high-tech management
shows itself most lacking. Most high-tech when it
comes down to marketing choices, will continue to shy
away from making niche commitments… [T]he claim is
made that, although niche strategy is generally best,
we do have time — or we cannot afford — to
implement it now. This is a ruse, of course, the true
answer being much simpler: We do not have, nor are
we willing to adopt, any discipline that would ever
require us to stop pursuing any sale any time for any
reason.”
• All of this doesn’t mean that working on a
team is easy. We’ve all probably had our share
of project experiences where slackers who
don’t pull their own weight take the fun out of
teamwork. But given the above risks, that
doesn’t mean we shouldn’t figure out and
practice how to build effective teams.
Chapter 17 Teams & Problems
• Characteristics of Effective and Ineffective Teams
• There are many variables that influence team
effectiveness. Team members should be alert to
these variables and do what they can to establish
and maintain conditions that facilitate team
functioning.
• Organizations need to become aware that there
is the possibility that teams can fail and therefore
produce a drain on management. Characteristics
of effective and ineffective teams can be
described as the following.
• Atmosphere
• • Effective teams have a tension-free
atmosphere. Team members are considerate of
one another and even appear to enjoy working
together. There are no signs of unhealthy
aggression or boredom.
• • Ineffective teams have an atmosphere of
indifference that is demonstrated by a lack of
attention and side conversations. Cliques within
the team may even form. There exists a feeling of
tension and formality laced with antagonism.
• Discussion
• • Effective teams encourage a lot of participation and topic or issue
related discussion. When discussion gets sidetracked, someone quickly
gets the group back on task.
• • Ineffective teams have discussions, which are dominated by one or a
few staff members. Off topic comments are frequent and there is little
done to keep discussions on track.

• Objectives
• • Effective teams know their objectives and understand them. They
discuss the objectives until they are well formulated.
• • Ineffective teams do not seem to know their objectives and tasks at
hand. Staff members often have a general idea based on an initial
directive, but there is no indication that the staff members have accepted
a common objective. In fact, various team members may have their own
objectives or agendas, which may be in conflict with team objectives.
• Listening
• • Effective teams listen well. Staff members indicate interest in one
another’s comments and ideas. Discussions are focused, and every
idea is given an opportunity to be heard.
• • Ineffective teams do not listen well. Discussion jumps from topic
to topic. Ideas are ignored. Staff members seem to be making
speeches rather than sharing ideas.

• Dissent
• • Effective teams disagree comfortably and constructively.
Differences of opinion are viewed as a helpful part of the process;
therefore, opinions are not suppressed. The team’s tries to examine
issues and find resolution rather than override dissent.
• • Ineffective teams do not deal effectively with disagreements.
Dissenting opinions are suppressed to eliminate conflict. Formal
votes or other bypass methods are used to force a decision before
other points of view have been heard and examined. In general,
only aggressive staff members have their ideas heard and
considered. Other staff members tend to give in or give up.

• Self-Expression
• • Effective team members promote self-expression of ideas and
feelings about group problems and operations. The staff members
are candid and seem to know how other staff members feel about
topics or issues being discussed.
• • Ineffective teams avoid discussion of personal feelings or ideas.
The general attitude is that discussion of feelings is inappropriate or
potentially dangerous.
• Decisions
• • Effective teams make decisions after reaching consensus. They
infrequently use formal voting in order to have a discussion of
issues and get input from all members.
• • Ineffective teams often fail to consider and resolve underlying
issues. They generally think that discussion of feelings is
inappropriate or potentially dangerous.

• Leadership
• • Effective teams have shifting leadership. The various leaders
focus on success, not power.
• • Ineffective teams are usually led by a “chairperson” who is
clearly in control. This group does not allow leadership to shift and
likes a “status quo” assignment of leaders.
• Assignments
• • Effective teams make sure that their assignments are clear,
accepted, fairly distributed and understood by all.
• • Ineffective teams fail to make sure that assignments are
understood and accepted.

• Maintenance
• • Effective teams routinely stop to evaluate themselves and their
progress on specific issues. They try to discuss any barriers to
success and discuss problems openly.
• • Ineffective teams avoid self- evaluation and maintenance. They
discuss problems outside of the team setting and rarely solve
problems or really address issues that come up.
• There are many variables that influence team
effectiveness. As a team member it is important to
become alert to these variables and do whatever you
can to establish and maintain conditions that facilitate
team health and functioning.
• Team development is a long-term, ongoing process. It
becomes part of the today-to-day process of work.
While strong teams have defined characteristics, they
need to focus on building team strengths and
improving performance, so their efforts can result in
superior work teams.
• Setting Team Goals
• Setting goals and getting all the team
members on board and thinking along the
same lines will definitely increase
effectiveness. Setting team goals is a common
challenge and the difficulty may arise for the
following reasons;
• • Team members often spend 80% of their time doing
20% of whatever the team is responsible for, while
some key tasks and commitments remain undone.
• • Team members may be saying all the right words in
the planning meetings, but the implementation breaks
down quickly.
• • Team members want credit and appreciation for
insignificant tasks done well.
• • Crucial time is often wasted because of different
perceptions of what the members are supposed to be
doing as a team.
• Very often team members don’t share the same specifics,
standards or values. Some team members are likely to have
different ideas about the purpose of the team. Written mission
statements or goals may be available but inadequate to explain the
details of what the members actually need to do. Even tougher to
deal with is the problem of getting commitment to goals that team
members seem to agree with by virtue of not having expressed any
disagreement.
• If a team member doesn’t personally see why it needs to be done,
he or she will give it little attention and the objective may be very
hard to accomplish. Even after agreement in a meeting, staff
members often abandon jobs they feel to lave a low priority.
• In setting team goals Philip Possner has suggested the following
action steps for team members that may be helpful:
• Communicate formally the team goals.
• Before a discussion begins about what the
team is responsible for, make sure that
everyone has copies of any written goals. An
example might be, memos from the boss that
may relate to the team’s mission or any other
material that describe what management or
the organization expects of them.
• If the team is composed of staff members
whom themselves initiated the team
statement of the team’s goals, then
distribution to all team members is essential.
If a team member discovers glaring
contradictions about their mission as its’
described in the written materials, then
confront and deal with the problem
immediately.
• Check for contradictions in the official mission.
• Carefully charging the team with its mission can save
much work later on. This step is particularly important
for teams that did not originate a project or were not
involved from the beginning formation of the team.
• Many teams have learned the hard way, what they
think they are supposed to be doing may be a world
apart from what higher management thinks they
should be doing. If there are problems, conflicts, or
misunderstandings, its far easier to work these out in
the beginning of the project rather than after the
project is underway.
• Discuss and clarify the goals to reach a common
understanding among team members.
• Every team member may have a different personal view of
what the team should accomplish. Therefore, it is
important to devote at least one full meeting to a
discussion of what each member understands about the
team’s goals.
• An idea might also be to go beyond the written material
provided and ask everyone to say in his or her own words
what is the major function of the team. Write down the
different interpretations and let the team members fully
explain what they mean. All team members should be on
the lookout for team members who are quietly disagreeing
with those who dominate the discussion.
• Drawing out the more reluctant members is
crucial if the team is to utilize its full resources.
Very often it is this clarifying goals stage that
teams steer themselves in an unproductive
direction and later come back to a suggestion
made all along the way by a quiet member.

• Although the team leader of facilitator will play a

key role in this step, it’s important for all
members to fully exercise the shared leadership
needed to launch the team successfully.
• Define goal setting in project steps.
• Using the SMART method for teams to lay out
their project steps. He suggests that goals and
standards should be:
• • Specific
• • Measurable
• • Agreed upon
• • Realistic
• • Time-framed
• Even though measurable may only mean defining an organization’s
needs in a short time, it gives a target that can be looked at later
and planned from, if necessary.

• Set plans for how the team will accomplish goals.

• It might be necessary to identify help and resources that will be
needed from managers or others. Decide who will request the
resources and divide up the tasks needed. When designating which
team members will do what, think strategically about the team’s
best interest rather than an individual’s wish to be the one to do a
certain task. Teams often get into trouble when all team members
are encouraged to do what they feel they are best at. This is the
time for a critique and to check on the team’s focus.
• Look for conflicts to resolve.
• It is important for teams to resolve conflicts about the
necessary priorities. Each team member’s ideas about
what is most important, least important or not
important at all may differ from what the other team
member’s think. Watch particularly for silent
disagreements by openly asking team member’s what
they see as top priorities.
• This can open a discussion of differences. Bring up a
potential difference of opinion about priorities may
also be a consideration. Looking at the reasons and
how it can be resolved will be necessary.
• Regularly check for commitment.
• Make it a priority to check for commitment and mutual
understanding on a consistent basis because this
problem can undermine your efforts again and again if
it isn’t tackled head on. If commitment falters,
consider opening a full discussion of the issues so that
team members can clarify positions and recommit to
the team’s up-to-date understanding of their goals.
[Philip Possner. Effective Project Planning and
Management (Boston: Crestview Publishing Company,
1994), 213].
• Benefits of Team Effectiveness
• Teams enhance an organization by bringing together a
diversity of colleagues, according to Kenneth Fisher. All of a
sudden there is a broader view because “we are all in this
together.” Success and rewards belong to the team.
Further benefits of team effectiveness in an organization
include:
• • Speed. Teams get things done quicker, especially in
product or project development.
• • Complexity. Complex problems are more easily solved
through the use of group brainpower.
• • Customer focus. The organization’s resources are
focused on satisfying the patient’s needs.
• • Creativity. The creative capacity of an organization is enhanced
by the diversity of the staff member’s experiences and
backgrounds.
• • Organizational learning. Team members more easily develop new
technical and professional skills and learn to work with colleagues
from other cultures and disciplines with different team-player
styles.
• • Single point of contact. A team structure promotes more effective
cross-teamwork by providing one place to obtain information and
make decisions.
• • Patient care and critical paths. Teams use critical paths to ensure
that treatments and tests are delivered on time. The primary goal is
to expedite patient treatment and ultimately discharge by focusing
accountability for the patient’s stay in a few hands. [Kenneth Fisher.
Leading Self-Directed Work Teams: A Guide to Developing New
Team Leadership Skills (New York: Mc-Graw-Hill, 1993), 24].
• Characteristics of an Ineffective Team
• Chances are you already know when you're part of an
ineffective team in the workplace. Missed deadlines,
petty confrontations, boredom and other negative
signals are clear signs that effective teamwork has
gone out the window. Identifying characteristics of an
ineffective team can help you determine problem
areas particular to your workplace situation. Not all
ineffective teams share the same problems; it could be
that just one or two negative characteristics needs to
be rooted out before improvement begins.
• Lacking Unity
• One characteristic of an ineffective team is the lack of
unity and cohesion. Effective teams are united around
common causes, goals and beliefs, with the
understanding that each individual's contribution
supports the collective mission. Teams lacking unity
may not be clear about their specified mission, or may
contain members who disagree about what common
goals include. Members may drift into individual
projects and tasks, disregarding the efforts of others to
achieve overarching goals.
• Disorganization
• Disorganization is another characteristic of ineffective teams. This may lie
in the basic structure of the team; members may not know or agree upon
the team leader, assigned roles or tasks. There may be confusion about
deadlines, expectations, processes or standards for quality. Without
organized policies for enforcing responsibility and behavior, team
members may act independently, without fear of disciplinary action.

• Knowledge Gap
• Teams lose effectiveness when they don't have the knowledge or skills
needed to complete their responsibilities. Even when members are
motivated or committed to their cause, lack of information about their
product, client, target customer demographic or government rules
regarding their industry can cause disastrous results. Teams may be
assigned responsibilities they're ill-equipped to handle because they lack
the skill set needed to achieve results.
• Job Distribution
• Teams suffer when there's uneven job distribution. It may be that one team
member has gathered all of the decision-making authority, high-profile
responsibilities and resources for himself, leaving other team members
unmotivated to participate. Free riders can cause tension and frustration by not
pulling their full weight, resulting in other team members being forced to take on
their responsibilities in order to get the job done. Additionally, ineffective teams
may develop when large projects are assigned to groups lacking the manpower to
achieve results.

• No Self-Analysis
• Ineffective teams may not monitor their processes for efficiency, while effective
teams routinely analyze processes and system in place to identify areas of
improvement. Self-analysis helps teams become stronger and more self-reliant,
requiring less intervention from supervisors and managers. Ineffective teams may
not realize how inefficient or unproductive their processes are, because they
haven't examined their methods or compared productivity with other teams.
Chapter 18 Teams & Development
• Sparking creativity in teams: An executive’s guide
• Although creativity is often considered a trait of the privileged few, any
individual or team can become more creative—better able to generate
the breakthroughs that stimulate growth and performance. In fact, our
experience with hundreds of corporate teams, ranging from experienced
C-level executives to entry-level customer service reps, suggests that
companies can use relatively simple techniques to boost the creative
output of employees at any level.
• The key is to focus on perception, which leading neuroscientists, such as
Emory University’s Gregory Berns, find is intrinsically linked to creativity in
the human brain. To perceive things differently, Berns maintains, we must
bombard our brains with things it has never encountered. This kind of
novelty is vital because the brain has evolved for efficiency and routinely
takes perceptual shortcuts to save energy; perceiving information in the
usual way requires little of it. Only by forcing our brains to recategorize
information and move beyond our habitual thinking patterns can we
begin to imagine truly novel alternatives.
• In this article, we’ll explore four practical ways for
executives to apply this thinking to shake up
ingrained perceptions and enhance creativity—
both personally and with their direct reports and
broader work teams. While we don’t claim to
have invented the individual techniques, we have
seen their collective power to help companies
generate new ways of tackling perennial
problems—a useful capability for any business on
the prowl for potential game-changing growth
opportunities.
• Immerse yourself
• Would-be innovators need to break free of preexisting views.
Unfortunately, the human mind is surprisingly adroit at supporting
its deep-seated ways of viewing the world while sifting out
evidence to the contrary. Indeed, academic research suggests that
even when presented with overwhelming facts, many people
(including well-educated ones) simply won’t abandon their deeply
held opinions.2
• The antidote is personal experience: seeing and experiencing
something firsthand can shake people up in ways that abstract
discussions around conference room tables can’t. It’s therefore
extremely valuable to start creativity-building exercises or idea
generation efforts outside the office, by engineering personal
experiences that directly confront the participants’ implicit or
explicit assumptions.
• Consider the experience of a North American specialty
retailer that sought to reinvent its store format while
improving the experience of its customers. To jump-start
creativity in its people, the company sent out several
groups of three to four employees to experience retail
concepts very different from its own. Some went to
Sephora, a beauty product retailer that features more than
200 brands and a sales model that encourages associates to
offer honest product advice, without a particular allegiance
to any of them. Others went to the Blues Jean Bar, an
intimate boutique retailer that aspires to turn the
impersonal experience of digging through piles of jeans into
a cozy occasion reminiscent of a night at a neighborhood
pub. Still others visited a gourmet chocolate shop.
• These experiences were transformative for the employees, who watched,
shopped, chatted with sales associates, took pictures, and later shared
observations with teammates in a more formal idea generation session. By visiting
the other retailers and seeing firsthand how they operated, the retailer’s
employees were able to relax their strongly held views about their own company’s
operations. This transformation, in turn, led them to identify new retail concepts
they hadn’t thought of before, including organizing a key product by color (instead
of by manufacturer) and changing the design of stores to center the shopping
experience around advice from expert stylists.
• Likewise, a team of senior executives from a global retail bank visited branches of
two competitors and a local Apple retail store to kick off an innovation effort. After
recording first impressions and paying particular attention to how consumers were
behaving, the bankers soon found themselves challenging long-held views about
their own business. “As a consumer, I saw bank branches, including our own,
differently,” said one of the executives. “Many of us in the industry are trying to
put lipstick on a pig—making old banking look new and innovative with
decorations but not really changing what’s underneath it all, the things that matter
most to consumers.”
• We’ve seen that by orchestrating personal encounters
such as these, companies predispose their employees
to greater creativity. For executives who want to start
bolstering their own creative-thinking abilities—or
those of a group—we suggest activities such as:
• Go through the process of purchasing your own
product or service—as a real consumer would—and
record the experience. Include photos if you can.
• Visit the stores or operations of other companies
(including competitors) as a customer would and
compare them with the same experiences at your own
company.
• Conduct online research and gather information
about one of your products or services (or those
of a competitor) as any ordinary customer would.
Try reaching out to your company with a specific
product- or service-related question.
• Observe and talk to real consumers in the places
where they purchase and use your products to
see what offerings accompany yours, what
alternatives consumers consider, and how long
they take to decide.
• Overcome orthodoxies
• Exploring deep-rooted company (or even industry) orthodoxies is another
way to jolt your brain out of the familiar in an idea generation session, a
team meeting, or simply a contemplative moment alone at your desk. All
organizations have conventional wisdom about “the way we do things,”
unchallenged assumptions about what customers want, or supposedly
essential elements of strategy that are rarely if ever questioned.
• By identifying and then systematically challenging such core beliefs,
companies can not only improve their ability to embrace new ideas but
also get a jump on the competition. (For more, see sidebar, “Challenging
orthodoxies: Don't forget technology.”) The rewards for success are big:
Best Buy’s $3 million acquisition of Geek Squad in 2002, for example,
went against the conventional wisdom that consumers wouldn’t pay extra
to have products installed in their homes. Today, Geek Squad generates
more than $1 billion in annual revenues.
• A global credit card retailer looking for new-product ideas during the 2008
economic downturn turned to an orthodoxy-breaking exercise to stir up
its thinking. Company leaders knew that consumer attitudes and behavior
had changed—“credit” was now a dirty word—and that they needed to
try something different. To see which deeply held beliefs might be holding
the company back, a team of senior executives looked for orthodoxies in
the traditional segmentation used across financial services: mass-market,
mass-affluent, and affluent customers. Several long-held assumptions
quickly emerged. The team came to realize, for example, that the
company had always behaved as if only its affluent customers cared
deeply about travel-related card programs, that only mass-market
customers ever lived paycheck to paycheck (and that these customers
didn’t have enough money to be interested in financial-planning
products), and that the more wealthy the customers were, the more likely
they would be to understand complex financial offerings.
• The process of challenging these beliefs
helped the credit card retailer’s executives
identify intriguing opportunities to explore
further. These included simplifying products,
creating new reward programs, and working
out novel attitudinal and behavioral
segmentations to support new-product
development (more about these later).
• Executives looking to liberate their creative instincts by
exploring company orthodoxies can begin by asking
questions about customers, industry norms, and even
business models—and then systematically challenging
the answers. For example:
• • What business are we in?
• • What level of customer service do people
expect?
• • What would customers never be willing to pay
for?
• • What channel strategy is essential to us?
• Use analogies
• In testing and observing 3,000 executives over a six-year period,
professors Clayton Christensen, Jeffrey Dyer, and Hal Gregersen, in
a Harvard Business Review article,3 noted five important
“discovery” skills for innovators: associating, questioning,
observing, experimenting, and networking. The most powerful
overall driver of innovation was associating—making connections
across “seemingly unrelated questions, problems, or ideas.”
• Our own experience confirms the power of associations. We’ve
found a straightforward, accessible way to begin harnessing it:
using analogies. As we’ve seen, by forcing comparisons between
one company and a second, seemingly unrelated one, teams make
considerable creative progress, particularly in situations requiring
greenfield ideas. We’re not suggesting that you emulate other
organizations—a recipe for disappointment. Rather, this approach
is about using other companies to stir your imagination.
• We recently used this technique in a brainstorming session involving the chief strategy officers
(CSOs) of several North American companies, including a sporting-goods retailer. The rules were
simple: we provided each executive, in turn, with a straightforward analogy the whole group would
use to brainstorm new business model possibilities. When it was the turn of this retailer’s CSO, we
asked the group to consider how Apple would design the company’s retail formats. The resulting
conversation sparked some intriguing ideas, including one the retailer is considering for its stores:
creating technology-assisted spaces, within its retail outlets, where customers can use Nintendo
Wii–like technology to “try out” products.
• Of course, most companies will use this tactic internally—say, in idea generation sessions or
problem-solving meetings. Executives at the credit card retailer, for example, created analogies
between their company and other leading brands to make further headway in the areas the team
wanted to explore. By comparing the organization to Starwood Hotels, the executives imagined a
new program that rewarded customers for paying early or on time (good behavior) instead of
merely offering them bonus points for spending more (bad behavior). Similarly, by comparing the
company’s back-office systems to those of Amazon.com and Google, the credit card retailer
learned to think differently about how to manage its data and information in ways that would
benefit consumers as they made product-related decisions and would also give the company
valuable proprietary data about their behavior. Together, these insights led to several ideas that
the company implemented within two months while also giving it a portfolio of longer-term,
higher-stakes ideas to develop.
• Analogies such as those the credit card retailer used
are quite straightforward—just draft a list of questions
such as the ones below and use them as a starting
point for discussion.
• • How would Google manage our data?
• • How might Disney engage with our consumers?
• • How could Southwest Airlines cut our costs?
• • How would Zara redesign our supply chain?
• • How would Starwood Hotels design our
customer loyalty program?
• Create constraints
• Another simple tactic you can use to encourage
creativity is to impose artificial constraints on your
business model. This move injects some much-needed
“stark necessity” into an otherwise low-risk exercise.

• Imposing constraints to spark innovation may seem

counterintuitive—isn’t the idea to explore “white
spaces” and “blue oceans”? Yet without some old-
fashioned forcing mechanisms, many would-be
creative thinkers spin their wheels aimlessly or never
leave their intellectual comfort zones.
• The examples below highlight constraints we’ve used successfully in
idea generation sessions. Most managers can easily imagine other,
more tailored ones for their own circumstances. Start by asking
participants to imagine a world where they must function with
severe limits—for instance, these:
• • You can interact with your customers only online.
• • You can serve only one consumer segment.
• • You have to move from B2C to B2B or vice versa.
• • The price of your product is cut in half.
• • Your largest channel disappears overnight.
• • You must charge a fivefold price premium for your product.
• • You have to offer your value proposition with a partner
company.
• The credit card retailer tried this approach, tailoring its constraints
to include “We can’t talk to customers on the phone,” “We can’t
make money on interchange fees,” and “We can’t raise interest
rates.” In addition to helping company managers sharpen their
thinking about possible new products and services, the exercise had
an unexpected benefit—it better prepared them for subsequent
regulatory legislation that, among other provisions, constrained the
ability of industry players to raise interest rates on existing card
members.
• Creativity is not a trait reserved for the lucky few. By immersing
your people in unexpected environments, confronting ingrained
orthodoxies, using analogies, and challenging your organization to
overcome difficult constraints, you can dramatically boost their
creative output—and your own.
• 10 TIPS FOR MANAGING CREATIVE PEOPLE
• When the Harvard Business Review published a post called Seven
Rules For Managing Creative People a few months back, the
reaction was an almost universal, Oh, please! This was due to the
fact that most of the advice in the piece was bizarrely off base
("surround them with semi-boring people." What?), but also
because of the patronizing tone and the assumption that
"creatives" are a breed of brats demanding a different set of
operating instructions.
• That said, the topic is a valid one--there is an art to getting the most
out of your teams of creative professionals. When the job is to
conjure the next brilliant idea out of thin air, against deadline, via a
combination of inspiration, hard work, experience, intuition, and
confidence, getting the best work out of creative people on a
consistent and efficient basis can be tricky business.
• Nurturing and managing a workforce of
creative professionals requires a certain
degree of sensitivity to individual skills.
“Creatives are individual people and have
unique things that motivate them. So when
you respect understand that, that’s a pretty
good cocktail,” says Evan Fry, executive
director of creative development at Crispin
Porter + Bogusky.
• Fry is speaking from experience. CPB recently installed Fry and creative
director Dave Swartz in positions dedicated to inspiring, encouraging,
teaching, supporting, and organizing the agency’s creative and design
departments.
• Seen as an investment in creative talent, the new roles have allowed
Swartz--a longtime agency fixture--and Fry--who recently returned to CPB
after nearly four years at crowdsourcing agency Victors & Spoils--to focus
on helping creative people succeed. As experienced creative leaders, both
say the most important element in fostering the talent of others is
instinct, or as Fry puts it, “A Spidey sense for creative talent"--but there
are a number of distinct things that business leaders can do to set its
people up for success.
• Here, Fry and Swartz share 10 ideas on how to manage creative talent.
While they admit some seem deceptively simple, they say that the mere
process of introspection required in understanding what a company needs
from its talent--new and veteran--aids in clearing the way to help others.
• SET THE BAR.
• It’s one of those things that often just happens: Through a series of
deadlines, projects, staff turnover, and a lack of constructive navel
gazing, a company’s processes and DNA become routine and
unspoken. But Fry and Swartz say a useful starting point for any
creative company looking to evaluate how to foster its talent is to
first look at the overall entity. “Ask questions like, 'what kind of
team do we need here; what works well for the individual agency
process that we have?' Every agency works differently, so different
skill sets or different temperaments work better at different
places,” says Fry. “This is helpful when building new relationships
with new people, but it’s also helpful in pointing out to people who
are here that these are the areas you need to foster.”
• IDENTIFY AND LEVERAGE TRAITS OF INDIVIDUALS.
• When undergoing this process at CPB, Fry says that he and
Swartz took what can be considered a creative inventory of
each person’s skills. The idea? To have an up-to-date
understanding of their talent. "We thought, What traits
work best at CPB in those roles?" says Fry. "We got really
clear about that, maybe for the first time, and put it down
on paper. These are the skills and traits people need for
certain roles, not just for new roles but for people here as
well. If you have an objective assessment of everyone, you
can work to optimize those strengths by assembling the
right skills and talents for projects. This sounds extremely
simple, but in the ad agency world, I’ve seen it’s not always
that overt.”
• CATER TO STRENGTHS.
• Knowing the ways in which people produce great work is as
important as knowing what specific skill they can add to the team.
“Sometimes you just need to empower," says Fry. "Certain creative
talent responds really well to having a long leash, and we like to
encourage CDs to let this happen with people we’ve identified as
having the stuff to do it, no matter what their title may be or their
level of experience. Sometimes certain people really respond to
healthy competition. You’ll see it will inspire and motivate certain
creatives to dominate and crush it, where others don’t respond to
competition at all. We encourage whatever suits a person. We’ve
seen what trial by fire can do. Some people really respond and then
all of a sudden they’re your next leader.”
• KEEP YOUR HANDS DIRTY.
• While Fry and Swartz are tasked with mentoring and
managing the agency’s talent, they also get involved in
the actual work, be it running a pitch or covering a
shoot, when needed. “We will be called in as a creative
team so not only do we have our duties running the
design department and helping art directors, we’re
thrown into a pitch and will run those things and set
the tone, and that helps. It’s leading by example,” says
Swartz. “And it helps when it comes to people
respecting what we do. If we have a suggestion, they
know it’s because we’re also experiencing the process
day to day.”
• SUGGEST--BUT DON’T NECESSARILY IMPOSE--A PROCESS.
• Creative people are often as protective of their process as they are
of their ideas. Someone waltzing in with a do-it-like-this mandate is
about as welcome as . . . well . . . it’s not usually welcome. Yet
individual processes are prone to log-jams that outsiders are better
equipped to see. Suggesting process therefore must be done
delicately. “There can be some method to the creative madness,”
says Fry. “In any process, like a pitch, we kind of know the beats.
We know there’s a client meeting, when they’ll want to see a
strategy, then early work, then finished work. Sometimes helping
someone is as simple as putting a calendar up and outlining when
certain pieces get done or being clear about when they’ll get
feedback on work. It can make it more efficient and make sure the
thinking happens at the right times without the worry getting in the
way. Some people are more predisposed to organization than
others. But sometimes it’s about making little lightbulbs go off.”
• CREATE HEALTHY CONFUSION.
• While structure has its benefits, so does a bit of chaos. Or, as
Swartz calls it, healthy confusion. He says that when working with
designers, it’s actually more productive to keep them busy with
multiple projects at once. “There’s’ always a lot on everyone’s plate
and that’s kind of by design because part of the creative process is
incubating ideas,” Swartz says. “Idea incubation comes from when
you read your brief, do a few hours of work, and then you stop. You
may hit a wall and then suddenly you’re in a grocery store and you
think of something. That’s because your brain works on it over
time. So when you’re in a healthy confused state, you get a lot of
work done. You learn how to manage it. It’s important to have a lot
on your plate--not to burn you out but to give your brain time to
focus on something else.”
• ENCOURAGE SWITCHING OFF TO SWITCH ON.
• All that said, burning creative talent out is a legitimate
concern. As Fry says, “You can’t switch on unless you have
an off position.” It may be easier said than done--many
agencies, CPB included, have a reputation for tough hours.
Fry says he and Swartz are working at being more
conscious about keeping weekends a little more free at
CPB, and that means getting everyone from account teams
to CDs on board. “It takes some work, but organization can
help a lot. I keep a calendar when everyone’s on vacation,
when meetings are. . . . Being prepared ahead of time is the
biggest key. It doesn’t always happen, but we’re taking
steps wherever we can to anticipate things and alleviate
the pressure so it’s not crushing people all the time.”
• KEEP THEM PRODUCING.
• Creative talent lives to make stuff. When they’re not making things,
they get unhappy, prone to relocate, or worse, creatively
uninspired. So Fry says it’s important to ensure people are
continually putting new work out into the world. “It sounds simple,
but it’s about keeping in mind how to keep people in positions to
get things done. We focus on getting work into the meeting
because beyond that, it’s often out of your control--budgets shift,
clients change things, work dies. . . . Ideally the work being sold is
spread around. And if it’s not working for a creative talent and a
given place, you have to encourage people to keep going for it, and
get in a situation where you can be producing. From a leadership
standpoint, you have to remember why they’re here so they don’t
lose perspective.”
• MAKE RETENTION A CONSCIOUS CHOICE.
• That creatives routinely switch agencies after a couple of
years is accepted practice in advertising. But Fry and Swartz
believe it doesn’t need to be that way. Swartz, a 25-year
CPB veteran, and Fry, who is among the agency’s many
“boomerang” employees (those who leave and then come
back), say part of their job is to foster an environment that
people don’t want to leave. “Everyone’s going to get itchy
feet here and there, and anyone who’s doing good work is
going to get courted. But keeping your culture healthy is
huge. You have to understand it’s not just about money as
these people are being courted. It’s always about culture.
Culture is what retains talent,” says Fry.
• KNOW WHEN TO--AND BE ABLE TO--SPEAK THE
TOUGH TRUTH.
• Fry says the creative management work he and
Swartz do is essentially about helping people take
charge of their own careers. This can be through
encouragement, organization, keen pairing, and
sometimes offering really tough advice. Say Fry,
“Sometimes saying the hardest thing is the best
mentorship you can give, as opposed to letting
someone stay in a rut.”