Being Leaders

Effective feedback and difficult conversations

Kumar Kolin

December, 2005

For internal use only – Do not distribute

Agenda

• Introductions – 10 mts

• Why feedback – 10 mts

• Yogender case – 60 mts

• The world of quadrants – 30 mts

• Difficult conversations – 60 mts

• Summary – 10 mts

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A Winning proposition for exceptional people

• Stimulating, challenging work

• Clear expectations
• Continuous feedback
• Unparalleled learning
• Explicit career paths
• Fair reward and recognition
• Inclusive culture

Lack of feedback is in the top 3 reasons why people quit

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What motivates people?

•Need for achievement

•Need for affiliation

•Need for power

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The Feedback Quadrant

Ethos/ Pathos

“Feel good” Constructive

“Shock” Informative

Data

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Yogender Case – 30 mts

• Break into 4 teams and give feedback to..

– Y.S Nagarjuna
– Fatima
– Steve Nallathambi
– Yogender Gupta

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Rules of inter-personal feedback

• Each person must understand what was said

• Must be willing to receive

• Must be able to do something to fix

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Common feedback dilemma

• Individual performance vs team player

• Attitude vs Skill

“The politically right feedback“

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Monitoring performance

P2
INFERIOR SUPERIOR

SUPERIOR
TUMBLER WINNERS

P1

? “L” CLIMBERS
INFERIOR

WORKNG ON WEAKNESS VS STRENGTH

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Know the person , gather facts

Enjoy Work

NO YES

GOOD
Strivers Stars
Performance

BAD
 Bandwidth Hogs?

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Promotion – The Bermuda triangle

B C
Skill

D
A
E

Will

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Effective Feedback - Factors in Giving Feedback

“Feedback on the run is better than none“

Helping Factors Hindering Factors

• Describe • Evaluate
• Specific (behaviour) • General (traits)
• Recent examples • Old examples
• Describe consequences • Blame and judge
• Problem oriented • Person oriented
• Convey inner feelings • Attribute motive
• Test for validity • Convey certainty
• Test for receptivity • Convey power edge
“All ambiguous messages are interpreted
negatively“
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Communicating as a counselor

•Use discussions not forms

•Synthesize – Not dump
•Understand how “they“ process information
•Use their vocabulary
•Talk as a colleague
•Pick the right time
•Just listen

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Difficult conversations

• They are usually 3 conversations at once

– What happened?
– Feelings – How do you handle them?
– Identity – What does this mean about me?

The conversation trinity

Neutral Observer

Mine Yours
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The conversation checklist

• Step 1 : Prepare walking through 3 conversations

• Step 2 : Consider your purpose, what are you going to

achieve? Blame gets you no where. How best are you going to
address this?

• Step 3 : Try starting as a neutral observer would, be explicit

and create a partner situation (Cannot demand a partnership)

• Step 4 : Explore both sides, use inquiry, acknowledge feelings,

paraphrase, share your point of view

• Step 5 : Problem solve, find a solution to live with, Keep

communication going forward

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Difficult conversation – Role play

• Pick a difficult conversation

• Teams of 3

• Giver, receiver and observer

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Receiving Feedback

• Enter the experience as an opportunity to learn, not as a

judgment of your character or potential
• Catch and curtail your defensiveness
• Balance advocacy and inquiry
• Summarize what you undertstand the other person to be
saying
• Ask questions of clarification for better understanding
• Listen rather than explain
• Ask for specifics about how you could have been more
effective

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Some golden rules

"All ambiguous messages are interpreted negatively“

- “Feedback is not about everything that bothers you”
- “Feedback sessions are like a date. Pick the right time, place
and create an atmosphere”
- “Kindness can be the cruellest form of feedback”
- "You make a lot of difference to a lot of good people“
- “Facts create feelings”
- “Feedback on the run is better than none”
- “Feedback sessions are like a date”

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