Vinschool Times City

Session 1: The College Application Essay

App Writing 101

• No Red flags
• Spark an opening
• Nail the conclusion
• Character building
• Technical building
Profile Redflags

• Unrealistic composition of activities or essay

content
• Making excuses (admitting without not giving
solution)
• Inconsistent career/academic interest
• Overqualified
Fixing Redflags

• Unrealistic composition of activities or essay content

• Obtain appropriate written recommendations and upload
• Making excuses (admitting without not giving solution)
• Giving a solution to your setbacks
• Inconsistent career/academic interest
• Be clear what is a main and what is a side interest
• Overqualified
• Be specific why you like the school
Opening

• Begin with a surprise/thriller/mystery and leave the audience wanting to know more. Avoid simple
starts. Begins with:
• Paint a vivid image of space-time continuum from far->close
• Or paint the inner world of a person from inside-out
• Or paint a philosophy from principle to details (often a quote or excerpt)
• Continue with concepts that are relevant to your keyword/statement
• Sample model:
• Outside picture -> Inside perspective -> Outside anchor -> Inside concept
• Inside feeling -> Outside perspective -> Anchor
Opening

• I am north of Birmingham, outlooking a magnificent field of flowers while thinking about my

immediate future as a sympathetic diplomat. Inside my mind, Sigmund Freud’s words float: “flowers
are restful to look at. They have neither emotions nor conflicts.” The desire to reside in a beautifully
relaxing place suddenly emerges, yet I still want the next most brilliant four years of my life to dwell
at peaks and troughs of emotions and conflicts.
[keyword: sympathetic diplomat]
----------
The core of my conscience often burns badly thinking about self-awareness of women. I cannot
remember when I first encountered Jean-Paul Sartre’s notion that humans often fail to grasp the
true meaning of Existentialism, which diminishes its power. However, in 10th grade, an Indian-
Canadian teacher incorporates one Hindi poem by Kabir that reads:
“Plucking your eyebrows,
Putting on mascara,
But will that help you
To see things anew?” [keyword: self-aware womanist]
Conclusion

• Conclusion:
• Expand each argument from simple to more
multiple/complex
• Redress each counter argument (if any—and shoud)
• Linkage and lesson
• Make a strong claim to your college/major choice only
if it’s authentic
Character

• Physical description
• “Graciously tall and slender”
• Clear behavior
• “Jessica emerges eloquently in the dining hall from the
woods’ shadows.”
• Trigger
• Jessica whispers “My dad married another woman. He
wanted a son.”
Character

• Build a character in 5 sentences:

• 2 sentences of physical description
• “Graciously tall and slender”
• 2 sentences of clear behavior
• “Jessica emerges eloquently in the dining hall from the
woods’ shadows.”
• 1 sentence as a trigger
• Jessica whispers “My dad married another woman. He
wanted a son.”
Technique

• Establishing Voice
• Establishing Thoughtfulness
• Showcasing Good Writing
Voice

• Fancy word for expressing yourself coherently

• If you have keyword and a statement:
• Salient independently
• Connect to each other
• Sense of passion
Thoughtfulness

• Link to academic concepts

• I find within mathematics the ultimate calmness for exploration of unlimited
applications that expand one’s world. For example, algebraic topology can
help transforming the economy’s model into a space where numbers are
easier to process. Strange materials have been found out that it could
contribute to the development of quantum computer, a machine with full
potential and can be a promise for our future. Knot theory is applied to DNA
research and this type has led to many breakthroughs such as our new
approach on understanding about proteins or genetic coding. Recently, there
is a new branch of maths which is predicted to be useful for studying artificial
consciousness through mathematical patterns. The world of mathematics is
so vast that my ordinary and slowness become an asset since I can blend-in
and conceptually observe natural laws at length inside my mind.
Thoughtfulness

• Link to academic works

• Growing up in a family of hoteliers, I develop a special admiration for my
parents’ career. Conventionally, I could assume a prominent position in my
parents’ firm, following an authoritarian leadership framework. However,
encapsulating the French revolution’s ideology, I opted to oppose that
pathway. As remarked in professor Timothy Hinkin’s “Becoming a Leader in the
Hospitality Industry”, the automatic assumption of a leadership position does
not make one a leader; it is the systematic progress of obtaining others’
approvals that indeed forms leadership. Therefore, I intend to independently
pursue a career in hospitality. Furthermore, as the first chapter of professor
Enz’s “Handbook of Applied Hospitality Strategy” says that modern hospitality
businesses need a strategic vision, I hence refuse to lead a hoteliers’ monarchy
born out of heredity. Instead, I aim to engineer a revolution empowered by
great visions . My ultimate goal is to take first-class accommodation out of the
elite’s sphere of exclusivity, and make it accessible to everyone.
Good Writing

• Showing, not telling

• I sit north of Birmingham and look at a big field of flowers. There I think about
my immediate future to be a diplomat that sympathize with others. I
remember reading Sigmund Freud’s words: …” I suddenly want to be in a
beautiful and relaxing place but I still want the next four good years in college
to experience extremely negative and positive emotions and conflicts.
• I am north of Birmingham, outlooking a magnificent field of flowers while
thinking about my immediate future as a sympathetic diplomat. Inside my
mind, Sigmund Freud’s words float: “flowers are restful to look at. They have
neither emotions nor conflicts.” The desire to reside in a beautifully relaxing
place suddenly emerges, yet I still want the next most brilliant four years of my
life to dwell at peaks and troughs of emotions and conflicts.
• Transitions and connectedness is appreciated
The Technical Composition

Aspect
• Unrealistic Choice
composition of activities or essay
Tone
content Positive/Negative
Setting Space (locations)/Time (weather, age)
Making excuses
•Action (admitting without not giving
Task/Outcome
solution) Formal/Informal
Style
• Inconsistent
Word Choice career/academic
Academic interest
(abstract)/Professional (functional)
Pace Momentum (one window)/Process (multiple windows)
• Overqualified
Side Majority/Minority
Your Character Generalist/Specialist/Conservative/Liberal
Tone

• What do you think about your best friend?

• Write one sentence in positive, one negative tone
Style

• What do you think about your school?

• Write one sentence in formal, one informal
Word Choice

• What do you think about your major?

• Write one sentence in academic, one professional
Pace

• What do you think about your life?

• Write one sentence in momentum, one process
Checklist

- As a whole, does the essay “work”?

- Does it keep the reader’s interest throughout?
- What is the overarching main idea, theme or thesis
statement?
- Each paragraph have main idea that further develops
the overall theme?
- Are all main ideas supported by details that are
concrete and interesting?
Checklist

- Is the writer’s style and tone consistent and interesting

throughout?
- Does the essay reveal something about the writer?
- Are transitions in place between sentences and
paragraphs?
- Is the essay free of grammatical, spelling and
mechanical errors?
- Does the essay communicate that the writer is a strong
candidate?