“Words are like leaves; and

where they most abound,

Much fruit of sense beneath is
rarely found.”

-- Alexander Pope
BUSINESS STYLE
 Business Writing Style

Casual Formal

• Conversational • Personal • Legal document

• Note to a friend • Direct • Contract
• Instant message • Term Paper
 Business Writing Style
 Achieve balance of the casual and formal,
because style is not concrete
 Conciseness and Clarity
 Goal is to be understood
Many ways to facilitate this endeavor

Casual Formal
Organized messages:
 Group similar ideas together
 Follow a sequence that helps the reader
understand relationships and accept the
writer’s views
Direct vs Indirect writing strategy
 Expected audience attitude

Unreceptive Neutral Receptive

Indirect Direct strategy
strategy
Direct vs Indirect writing strategy
Neutral Receptive Direct

• Put main purpose in beginning

• “Readers are thinking, “So what am I supposed
to do with this message”

 Saves time
 Sets frame of mind to understand
following details
 Reduces frustration
Indirect Opening Direct Opening
Our company has been
concerned with attracting
better-qualified prospective job
candidates. For this reason,
the Management Council has
been gathering information
about an internship program for
college students. After
considerable investigation, we
have voted to begin a pilot
program starting next fall.
Indirect Opening Direct Opening
Our company has been The Management Council has
concerned with attracting voted to begin a college
better-qualified prospective job internship pilot program next
candidates. For this reason, fall.
the Management Council has
been gathering information
about an internship program for
college students. After
considerable investigation, we
have voted to begin a pilot
program starting next fall.
Direct vs Indirect writing strategy

a) Bad news Indirect Unreceptiv

b) Persuasion
c) Sensitive news

 Respects audience’s feelings

 Facilitates reading of the
whole message
 Minimizes negative reaction
Audience – Centered Approach

Audience Benefits

“You” point of View

Conversational, but Professional tone

 Audience Benefits
 Try to show the benefit to the audience
of whatever it is that you are trying to get
them to do
Save frustration, make more money…

WIIFM
Empathy
Sender Focus Audience Focus
Our warranty becomes
effective only when we
receive an owner`s
registration
Sender Focus Audience Focus
Our warranty becomes Your warranty begins
effective only when we working for you as soon as
receive an owner`s you return your owner`s
registration registration
Sender Focus
Our warranty becomes
effective only when we
receive an owner`s
registration
Audience Focus
Your warranty begins
working for you as soon as
you return your owner`s
registration

All employees are instructed

herewith to fill out the
enclosed questionnaire so
that we can allocate our
training funds to employees
Sender Focus
Our warranty becomes
effective only when we
receive an owner`s
registration
All employees are instructed
herewith to fill out the
enclosed questionnaire so
that we can allocate our
training funds to employees
Audience Focus
Your warranty begins
working for you as soon as
you return your owner`s
registration
By filling out the enclosed
questionnaire, you can be
one of the first employees to
sign up for our training funds.
 “You” point of view
 Second-person pronouns instead of first
person pronouns

You / Your
“I / We” View “You” View
We are requiring all
employees to respond to
the attached survey about
health benefits
“I / We” View “You” View
We are requiring all Because your ideas
employees to respond to count, please complete
the attached survey about the attached survey about
health benefits health benefits
 Conversational, but Professional

 Use a warm, friendly tone

 Avoid low-level diction and slang
 Avoid affectation
 Affectation
 Use of language that is more formal, technical, or
showy than is necessary to communicate
information to the reader
 Makes the reader work harder to understand
 Don’t use an ostentatious or convoluted word if a
simple one will do
“Never use a long word
where a short one will
do.”

--- George Orwell

Too Formal
All employees are herewith
instructed to return the
appropriately designated
contracts to the undersigned.
Pertaining to your order, we
must verify the sizes
that your organization
requires prior to consignment
of your order to our shipper.
Conversational
Please return your contracts
to me.
We will send your order as
soon as we confirm the
sizes you need.
 Affectation
“It is the policy of the company to provide
internet access to enable employees to conduct
the online communication necessary to
discharge their responsibilities; such should not
be utilized for personal communications or non-
business activities.”

“Employee internet access should be used

only for appropriate company business.”
Simplify to plain, familiar words
 ameliorate→  finalize→ end
improve  initiate→ begin
 commence→ start  optimal→ best
 compel→ force  prioritize→ rank
 comprises→ is  proceed→ go
 employ→ use  procure→ get
 endeavor→ try  rendezvous→ meet
 fabricate→ make  terminate→ end
 facilitate→ help  utilize→ use
 Jargon
Public
 Highly specialized
slang that is unique to ???
an occupational or
professional group
 Investors
 Yield Management
 ROI Insiders
 P/E ratio
 Politics
Tourism
 RevPAR
• Super PAC
 Fam Trip
• Lame duck
 Incentive Tour
• Primaries
• Bailout
• Greenwashing
Positive and Courteous language
 Conveys more information
 Good for morale and pleasant to read
 Tells reader “what is” and “what can be
done”

Your order cannot be shipped by March 20th.

Your order will be shipped by March 25th.

Negative Positive
You failed to include
your credit card number,
so we can’t mail your
order.
Negative Positive
You failed to include We look forward to
your credit card number, completing your order as
so we can’t mail your soon as we receive your
order. credit card number.
Negative Positive
You failed to include We look forward to
your credit card number, completing your order as
so we can’t mail your soon as we receive your
order. credit card number.

Employees cannot park

in Lot H until April 1st.
Negative Positive
You failed to include We look forward to
your credit card number, completing your order as
so we can’t mail your soon as we receive your
order. credit card number.

Employees cannot park Employees may park in

in Lot H until April 1st. Lot H starting April 1st.
Courteous language
 Polite
 Avoid demanding phrases like,

“You should” -- “You must” -- “You have to”

Less Courteous More Helpful
You must complete all
performance reviews
by Friday.
Courteous language
 Polite
 Avoid demanding phrases like,

“You should” -- “You must” -- “You have to”

Less Courteous More Helpful
You must complete all Ceylan, will you please
performance reviews complete all
by Friday. performance reviews
by Friday.
Bias-free language
 Hard to realize sometimes
The girls in the front office.
Gender-based Bias Free
Female doctor, woman lawyer, Doctor, attorney, cleaner
cleaning woman

Waiter, waitress, stewardess Server, flight attendant

Mankind Humanity
Executives and their wives Executives and their spouses
Businessman, Salesman Businessperson, Sales
representative
Racially / Ethnically-Biased
A Japanese accountant was
hired.
Nil Balta, a Portuguese-
American, applied for the job.
Bias-Free
An accountant was hired
Nil Balta applied for the job.

Age-Biased Bias-Free
The law applies to old people. The law applies to people over
65.
A little old lady A woman

Disability-Biased Bias Free

Disabled employee Employee with a disability
Confined to a wheelchair Uses a wheelchair
 Precise, vigorous words
 Strong verbs and specific nouns give more
information and keep the reader more interested

Imprecise / Dull More precise

A change in profits A 25% hike in profits
A 10% plunge in profits
To say To promise, to confess, to
understand, to allege, to assume,
to judge, to order, to reply
To think about To identify, to diagnose, to analyze,
to probe, to examine, to inspect
 Active Construction

Actor  Action Object / effect

• Action flows from front of sentence to back

• Represent the chronological order of events

“The state agencies implemented the program.”

 Passive Constructions

Object/Effect  Action  Actor

Action flows from back of sentence to front

“The program was implemented by the state agencies.”
Vs
“The state agencies implemented the program.”
 Passive Constructions
 Generally avoid it, but can be useful
1. To conceal the doer, subordinate
unpleasant news, or soften refusals
 Authorization for your leave was denied.
 Examination of our accounting procedures
cannot be permitted because of security
reasons
2. To emphasize the action, not the agent
 The data have been compiled by our research
department
Developing emphasis
 Mechanics

1. Underlining
2. Italics
3. Bold
4. CAPS
5. -- Dashes --
6. Tabulation
 Developing emphasis
 Style
Use vivd, not general,
General Vivid words
The way we seek jobs The internet has
has changed. dramatically changed
how job hunters search
for positions.
Someone will contact Ms. Rivera will
you as soona s possible. telephone you before 5
p.m. Tomorrow, May 3.
 Developing emphasis
 Style
Label the main idea
If it is important, tell them
Unlabeled Labeled
Consider looking for a job Consider looking for a job
online, but also focus on online; but, most important,
networking. focus on networking.

We shop here because of the We like the customer service,

customer service and low but the main reason for
prices. shopping here is the low
prices.
 Developing emphasis
 Style
Place important idea first or last
Main idea lost
Profit- sharing plans are more
effective in increasing
productivity when they are
linked to individual
performance rather than to
group performance.
Main idea emphasized
Productivity is more likely to
be increased when profit-
sharing plans are linked to
individual performance rather
than to group performance.
 Developing emphasis
 Style
Give the important ideas the spotlight
Main idea lost Main idea emphasized
Although you are the first You are the first trainee we
trainee we have hired for have hired for this
this program, we had many program.
candidates and expect (Simple sentence)
to expand the program in the
future.
(The main idea
is lost in a dependent
clause.)
Parallelism
 puts words, phrases, or clauses in the
same grammatical and log­ical form
 Goal is to keep writing balanced, easier
to read
Not parallel
The policy affected all vendors,
suppliers, and those involved with
consulting.
Our primary goals are to increase
productivity, reduce costs, and the
improvement of product quality.
We are scheduled to meet in
Atlanta on January 5, we are
meeting in Montreal on the 15th of
March, and in Chicago on June 3.
Our Super Bowl ads have three
objectives:
1. We want to increase product use.
2. Introduce complementary
products.
3. Our corporate image will be
enhanced.
Parallel
The policy affected all vendors,
suppliers, and consultants.
(Matches nouns.)
Our primary goals are to increase
productivity, reduce costs, and
improve product quality. (Matches verbs.
We are scheduled to meet in
Atlanta on January 5, in Montreal
on March 15, and in Chicago on
June 3. (Matches phrases.)
Our Super Bowl ads have three
objectives:
1. Increase product use
2. Introduce complementary
products
3. Enhance our corporate image
(Matches verbs in listed items.)
 Faulty: The following suggestions can help employers avoid
bias in job interviews:
1. Base questions on the job description.
2. Questioning techniques.
3. Selection and training of interviewers.
 Parallel: The following suggestions can help employers
avoid bias in job interviews:
1. Base questions on the job description.
2. Ask the same questions of all applicants.
3. Select and train interviewers carefully.
 Also parallel: Employers can avoid bias in job interviews by
1. Basing questions on the job description.
2. Asking the same questions of all applicants.
3. Selecting and training interviewers carefully.
Dangling Modifiers
 modifier is misplaced when the word or
phrase it describes is not close enough
to be clear
Misplaced Clear
Skilled at graphic design, the Skilled at graphic design,
contract went to DesignOne. DesignOne won the contract.

Working together as a team, the Working together as a team, we

project was finally completed. finally completed the project.
To meet the deadline, your Excel To meet the deadline, you must
figures must be sent by May 1. send your Excel figures by May 1.

The recruiter interviewed In the morning the recruiter

candidates who had excellent interviewed candidates with
computer skills in the morning. excellent computer skills.
As an important customer to us, As you are an important
we invite you to our spring open customer to us, we invite you to
house. our spring open house. OR:
As an important customer to us,
you are invited to our spring
open house.
Dangling Modifiers
Nominalizations