CHAPTER TOPICS

Why We Form Relationships Relational Development and Maintenance Communicating about Relationships

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

 Appearance

Is especially important in the early stages

Partners create positive illusions, viewing

another as more attractive over time

Similarity

We like people who are similar to us Friendships are more likely to last when friends

are similar to one another

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

 Complementarily

Differences strengthen relationships when they

are complementary
Each partners characteristics satisfy the others needs
Reciprocal

Attraction

We like people who like us usually People who approve of us, bolster our self-

esteem

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

 Competence

We like to be around talented people

If a person is too talented it can be difficult to be

around them because they make us look bad

Disclosure

Revealing information about yourself can help to

build liking Not all disclosure leads to liking

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

 Proximity

We are likely to develop relationships with

people we interact with frequently Familiarity can also breed contempt

Most aggravated assaults occur within the family
Rewards

Social Exchange Theory Relationships that give us rewards greater than or equal to the costs of the relationship

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

 Models

of Relational Development

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

Figure 8.1 Page 276

 Knapps

Ten Stages of the Relationship

Initiating Communication during this stage is usually brief Simplistic communication is a way of signaling you may want to begin a relationship Experimenting After initial contact we decide if we with to pursue the relationship further Uncertainty reduction
Getting to know others by gaining more information

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

 Knapps

Ten Stages of the Relationship

Intensifying The interpersonal relationship begins to develop The expression of feeling becomes more common Giving tokens of affection, hinting and flirting Integrating Parties begin to take on identity as a social unit Partners begin to take on each others commitments Close friends may begin to speak alike

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

 Knapps

Ten Stages of the Relationship

Bonding Parties make symbolic public gestures Commitment is increased during this stage Being together comes to be relied on Differentiating The We orientation shifts back to I The stage is likely to occur when the relationship experiences its first feelings of stress

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

 Knapps

Ten Stages of the Relationship

Circumscribing Partners behave towards each other in old, familiar ways Communication decreases in quantity and quality Shrinking of interest and commitment Stagnating No growth occurs The relationship is a hollow shell of its former self

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Knapps

Ten Stages of the Relationship

Avoiding Parties begin to create physical distance between each other Unsuccessful couples deal with their problems by avoidance, indirectness and less involvement Terminating Includes summary dialogue Depending on each persons feelings, this stage can be quite short or drawn out over time
COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Models

of Relational Development

Alternate patters of relational development

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

Figure 8.3 Page 282

12

 Models

of Relational Development

Dialectical Perspectives Communicators seek important but inherently incompatible goals through their relationship Dialectical Tensions Conflicts that arise when two opposing or incompatible forces exist simultaneously Managing dialectical tensions can create the most powerful dynamic in relational communication

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Models

for Relational Development

Dialectical Tensions Connection versus Autonomy

We seek out involvement with others We are unwilling to sacrifice our entire identity to even the most satisfying relationship One of the most common reasons for relational breakups involve failure of partners to satisfy each others needs for connection
We barely spent any time together. I was feeling trapped.

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Models

for Relational Development

Dialectical Tensions Openness versus Privacy

Along with the need to disclose, we have an equally important drive to maintain space Even the strongest relationships require some distance

Predictability versus Novelty

Too much predictability can lead to feelings of staleness The challenge is to juggle the desire for predictability with the desire for novelty that keeps a relationship fresh

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Models

for Relational Development

Managing Dialectical Tensions In one study married couples reported:

Connection-autonomy was the most frequent (30.8%) Predictability novelty was second (21.7%) Openness-privacy was least (12.7%)

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Models

for Relational Development

Managing Dialectical Tensions

Other Strategies Denial
Reporting to one end of the dialectical spectrum and ignoring the other

Disorientation
Communicators feel so overwhelmed and helpless they are unable to confront their problems

Alternation
Alternating between extremes on the spectrum
COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Models

for Relational Development

Managing Dialectical Tensions

Other Strategies Segmentation
Partners use this tactic to compartmentalize different areas of their relationship

Balance
Communicators try to balance dialectical tensions

Integration
Simultaneously accept opposing forces without trying to diminish them
COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Models

for Relational Development

Managing Dialectical Tensions

Other Strategies Recalibration
Responding to dialectical challenges by reframing them so that apparent contradictions disappear

Reaffirmation
This strategy acknowledges that dialectical tensions will never disappear

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Characteristics

of Relationships

Relationships: Are constantly changing Are affected by culture Require Maintenance Require Commitment
Relation commitment involves a promise sometimes implied and sometimes explicit to remain in the relationship and make it successful

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Repairing

Damaged Relationships

Types of relational transgressions Minor versus Significant

Recognize problems for what they are

Social versus Relational

Some transgression violate social, not relational norms

Deliberate versus Unintentional

Transgressions are not always intentional

One-time versus Incremental

Accidents do happen

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Repairing

Damaged Relationships

An apology requires three elements: An acknowledgment that the transgression was wrong: I acted like a jerk. A sincere apology: Im really sorry. I feel awful for letting you down. Some type of compensation: If I act that way again, you can call me on it.

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Content

and Relational Messages

Content Messages The subject being discussed Relational Messages How the parties feel toward one another Types of Relational Messages Affinity Immediacy Respect Control
COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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 Metacommunication

Messages that people exchange, verbally or

nonverbally, about their relationship Communication about communication Can be used as a way to reinforce the satisfying aspects of a relationship
I really appreciate it when you complement me about my work in front of the boss.

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 Why

We Form Relationships Relational Development and Maintenance Communicating about Relationships

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

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