What the Bible Teaches

about
Marriage:
Man’s Helper
*
PCJB
PP Presentation
devised and prepared
at
Gujranwala Theological Seminary
may be copied for non-commercial use
only
September 2008
 The First Gardener
At the beginning of human
history
God made the first man,
endowed him with life,
and
placed him in a garden
 Another Lack
But there was a problem.
Just as there was at first
no man to farm the earth,
there is another lack:
No helper for the man
to assist him to look after the
garden.
 Genesis 2:18
“A Suitable Helper”
The Lord God said,
“It is not good for the man
to be alone.
I will make a helper
suitable for him.”
 To Discuss:
(Can she cook?)
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_

• Why was woman created?

(Read Gen 2:18-25)

 Genesis 2:4-23
Characteristics of “A Helper”

Companionable
(no longer “alone”)

Congenial
(unlike the animals, “bone of my bone”)

Compatible / Complementary
(“suitable” “neged”- literally: “like opposite
him”)
 Genesis 2:18
“Alone”
Imagine the scene:
Poor Adam is lonely,
and as the wonders of creation
are presented before him
there is only emptiness inside.
The companionship of the dog, goat
or horse
was entirely insufficient for his
needs.
 Genesis 2:18
“Alone”

Into this drama enters the Creator

declaring that this is no use.
Thus, woman is created,
the answer to the needs of man!
 Genesis 2:18 - “Alone”
“Genesis 2:18 means
it is not good for us to live
alienated from one another.
God’s solution
for overcoming alienation is
relationship.”

“The primary ground that Genesis offers

for basis of marriage
is
Man’s Alone-ness
So Eve is created as
an answer to
Adam’s loneliness?

Really?....

Think again!
 Genesis 2:18
“A Helper”

The Lord God “To be alone”:

said, Feeling lonely?

“It is not Or :
good for the
man to be Needing another to
help him?
alone.
“A helper fit for him”
I will make Adam’s observed need:
a helper a helper
 Genesis 2:4-23
“A Helper”

A helper suitable for what?

• For removing a feeling of loneliness?
(Adam never said he felt lonely!)
Or:
• For supporting him
in the job God had given him,
but which he was having to do all by
himself?
 The Garden Job
Quite simply
the job is too big for man to do
on his own.
He needs a “helper”,*
not a “companion”!
_______________________________________
* One who works alongside
so that both together can do the task
 Loneliness
The remedy
for loneliness in the Bible:
not the marital bed.
Rather, it is:
friendship
and
secure relationships in
fellowship.
 Loneliness

Note:
Friendship within a loving
marriage
can overcome feelings of
loneliness.,
but
Scripture never says the purpose
of marriage
 Genesis 2:4-23
“A Helper”
Note:
Non-reversible Task Role
(nowhere is the man called the
woman’s “helper”!)

But that does not mean

a husband should never help his wife
in daily living!
The “help” refers to the man’s God-
 Genesis 2:4-23
“A Helper”

Note:
The Hebrew word for “helper” is
ezer,
and not “ebed”
which is a ‘servant’.
The woman is to be a helper for man
and not a slave to him.
 To Discuss:
(Need A Helping Hand?)
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_

• How do you think a wife should

help her husband?
• Should a husband be equally
helpful towards his wife?
 Genesis 2:4-23
“A Helper”

Marriage was God’s idea, not man’s.

No living creature was suitable for

the role
Another man was not the answer

God only made one “suitable helper”

for Adam,
 Genesis 2:4-23
“A Helper”
Supportive Role
While assigned to the man as his
“helper”
and thus placed under his overall
charge,
the woman is his partner
in ruling the earth for God.
Being the man’s “helper”
in his God-given task
 Genesis 2:4-23
“A Helper”

Woman’s Role:
Assisting in filling and subduing the
earth
(procreation and care)
 Genesis 2:4-23
“A Helper”
‘ezer (‫( עזר‬
is normally used to describe
the aid of God coming to the
rescue.
To imagine an inferiority
when the term normally applies to
God
is unthinkable!
Women are not inferior to men!
 Man’s Task
God put Adam in the garden
to look after it:
“To work it
and
to care for it.”
But Adam could not cope with this
task
“alone”.
 Marriage Order

Important to distinguish
the functioning subordination in
role of a wife
from
an essential equality with her
husband
before God,
since both are made in God’s
 To Discuss:
(“A mere woman!”)

• Why are women treated as

inferior
in conservative society?
 Genesis 2:19-20
The Naming of the Living
Creatures
or
The Search for a Helper
Now the Lord had formed out of the
ground
all the beasts
of the field
and all the birds of
the air.
He brought them to the man
to see what he would
name them,
 Naming
• In the Semitic culture,
the act of
"naming"
is
an indication of
lordship.
 Genesis 2:21-22
So the Lord caused the man to fall into a
deep sleep
and while he was sleeping,
he took one of the man’s ribs
and closed up the place with flesh.
Then
the Lord made a woman
from the rib he had
taken out of
the
man,
 Genesis 2:23

The man said,

“This is now [or: at last] bone of my
bones,
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman’
for she was taken
out of man.”
 Names:
Generic & Given
• The generic name of both man
and woman,
not their given names.
• The name of "man", in Hebrew, is
“ish".
• The name of "woman" is “ishah".
• “ishah" indicates that
woman was taken from man,
 To Discuss:
(“Women -
Can’t get along with them,
Can’t do without them!” – Anon male!)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------

Why Woman?
• What is it about woman that
answers
the incompleteness of man?
What is it that makes what is not
good
into something which is?
 Why Woman?
The Hebrew word for
the compatibility of women,
literally translates as
‘like opposite him’.
Not the same but the counterpart,
the complementary partner
in the enterprise given to man.
 Why Woman?
Not a case of two being better
than one;
(Another man would have been
more useful for manual labour!)
There is something unique
between the man and the woman
that fulfils the task.
The unique relationship of vs.24,
which includes sex as part of the
 To Discuss:
(She’s Special!)
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

• Which of the following do you

think describe the woman’s
relationship to her husband as
described in Genesis 1 & 2?
• Assisting
• Complementary
• Equal
• Partnering
• Subordinate
 The Making of Eve:
Equality and
Distinctiveness
From Adam’s Rib Compare:

“Not made out of his head ‘God did not make a

to top him, woman out of a bone of
not out of his feet to be Adam’s foot,
trampled upon by him, so that he should tread
but out of his side to be her underground,
equal with him, nor out of a bone of his
under his arm to be head,
protected, so that she should
and dominate him;
near his heart to be but he made her out of his
beloved.” rib,
(Matthew Henry) which is close to his
heart,
to teach him to love her
 Genesis 2:23-24
The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones,
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman’
for she was taken
out of man.”
For this reason
a man will leave his father and mother
and
be united to his wife.
and
they will become one flesh.
 Marriage involves
A Re-forming of Loyalties
The necessity of a radical
change in family loyalty:
The husband should transfer
to his wife
the primary loyalty
that previously he had
to his parents.
 Marriage involves
A Re-forming of Bonds
A New Family
• Leave the parental influence
(“Leave mother and father”)

• Create a new family unit

(“be united with his wife”)

• Form a new physical bond

(“become one flesh”)
 Marriage involves
A Re-forming of Bonds
The New Relationship
Gen 2:24 quoted by Jesus (Mat 19:5)
Note on
“be united with his wife”:
Includes a sense of
• New loyalty
• Deep affection
(Hebrew dâbaq: to cling on to each other;
keep close to)
• Permanent bonding.
(Greek Kollao: to join fast together, to glue,
 Marriage involves
A Re-forming of Bonds
Permanent bonding.
(“glue”, “cement”)
All fear of any later marriage break-
up
groundless
if both remain faithful,
not just to each other,
but to their common task.
 Marriage involves
A Re-forming of Security
Note:
• The husband’s responsibility
to give pre-eminence to his
wife
rather than his parents
because
a wife's sense of security
naturally comes from
 Marriage involves
A Re-forming of Security

• When a husband cleaves to his

wife,
a wife will continue to find her
fulfilment
in her relationship with him,
rather than trying to find it
in relationship with her children.
 To Discuss: Loyalties
(Oh, that Mother-in-law of mine!)
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What should a husband do when his

relationship with his wife is being spoiled
by his mother (particularly if this son is
an only child)?
• Ignore the problem and hope it will go
away in time?
• Have a frank, but loving, talk with his
mother, making it clear that
– his wife comes first in his affections, and
that
 Equality and
Distinctiveness
The man and the woman are
jointly charged with ruling the
earth
representatively for God.
Yet they do so
each as fulfilling
their God-ordained, gender-
specific roles
 Equality and
Distinctiveness
“Since these functional differences
are part of the Creator’s design,
it is only
when men and women embrace
their God-ordained roles
that they will be truly fulfilled
and
that God’s creational wisdom
will be fully displayed and
Next Session

Sex
 Sex
A delicate subject?

The Bible is full of it – good and bad

sex!

So Christians should not be

embarrassed by it!

Provided, of course, they

The End