Essential Understandings

Contention or Conflict Resolution Brokenness Forgiveness Restoration

Essential Understandings

Contention or Conflict Prov. 18.19: A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle Insight: You cannot let offense or conflict go unaddressed Results: Spouses whose hearts are barred shut, yet sleeping in the same bed

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Contention or Conflict Prov. 20.3: It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel. Insight: It is an honor not to quarrel; it is not an honor to win the argument, to speak louder, to humiliate/embarrass the other person, to have the final word None of those things bring honor or respect

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Contention or Conflict Prov. 17.14: The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore, stop contention before a quarrel starts. Key: Stop before it gets started Thus: Recognize what is going and diffuse the time bomb

Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict: See yourself
1. Hatred

vs. LoveProv. 10.12: Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sin 2. PrideProv. 13.10: By pride comes nothing but strife (Cf. 28.25) 3. WrathProv. 15.18: A wrathful man stirs up strife, but a man slow to anger allays contention (Cf. 29.22 and Ja. 1.19For the anger of man does not work the righteousness of God)

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Contention or Conflict: See yourself 4. Contrary: Prov. 16.28--A perverse man sows strife and a whisperer separates the best of friends (Cf. 26.20) 5. Foolish words: Prov. 18.6: A fools lips enter into contentionmouth calls for blows 6. Scoffer (Critical)Prov. 22.10: Cast out the scoffer & contention will leave

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Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness Death to self: If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself & take up his cross (Lk. 9.23) Death to self: Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it produces much fruit (Jn. 12.24)

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Contention or Conflict: Look at yourself 7. Selfishness Death to self: Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesuswho emptied himselfform of a bondservant obedient to death (Phil. 2.5-8) Marriage can be an anvil where the god of selfishness is crushed; or lives will be brokenwhich will you chose???

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Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness: In Expectations Definition: Self imposed restriction upon another that assumes they know what you are thinking, desiring or doing Insight: It is a subtle and deadly form of selfishness Insight: It comes from the flesh;

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Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness: In Expectations Psalm 62.5: My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him expectation=the thing longed for; root is to look for eagerly This is not your spouse, but the Lord; such puts your spouse in position to fail

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Resolution Principle: Mt. 5.23: Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, gofirst be reconciled reconciled=to be restored to normal relations; change feelings towards; make peace
Cf. 1 Sam. 15.22; Is. 1.10-17; Hos. 6.6; Am.

Essential Understandings
Resolution
Incongruous: To bring worship to the Lord & not obey in being reconciled one to another (Cf. 1 Sam. 15.22; Is. 1.10-17; Hos. 6.6; Am. 5.21-24) Men: You must take the lead here; do not let things remain unaddressed Do not make the same mistake of Adam Goal: Not to win the argument; but to restore the relationship

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Resolution Principle: Mt. 18.15: if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. Cf. Prov. 25.9: Debate your case with your neighbor & do not disclose your secret to another Insight: Settle this with your spouse; not your parents or friends or co-workers

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Brokenness Brokenness: You do not desire sacrificethe sacrifices of God are a broken spirita contrite heart You will not despise (Ps. 51.16-17) Brokenness: but on this one will I lookon him who is of a poor & contrite spirit & who trembles at my Word (Is. 66.2)

Essential Understandings

Brokenness Brokenness: Josiahbecause your heart was tender and you humbled yourself before the Lord when you heard what I spokeand you tore your clothes and weptI also heard you (2 Kg. 22.19) Insight: Both parties must be trembling at the Word of God that applies to your portion of the problem

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Brokenness Insight: Treat your sin as the only sin in the entire roomthe tax collectorbeat his breastGod, be merciful to me THE sinner (Lk. 18.11-14) Insight: The one justified is not the one monitoring the other party Insight: True brokenness is tested in your response when the issue comes up again

Essential Understandings
Brokenness 2 Cor. 7.11: Evidences of repentance 1. Diligence: earnest care or extremely concerned about the matter; not indifferent 2. Clearing: Taking definitive & determined action & you clear/defend yourself

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Brokenness 2 Cor. 7.11: Evidences of repentance 3. Indignation: Appropriate anger against the sin 4. Fear: Reconstituted fear of the Lord right accountable attitude toward God 5. Vehement desire: Longing to see the wrong situation corrected

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Brokenness 2 Cor. 7.11: Evidences of repentance 6. Zeal: Intense interest in Gods reestablished glory, restoring the sinner, cleaning up the situation 7. Vindication: Appropriate penalty for the wrong and wrong doer

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Forgiveness Definition: Col. 1.14; Eph. 1.7 forgive =the act of freeing one from an obligation Definition: Col. 3.13; Eph. 4.32 forgive=grant freely as an underserved favor

Essential Understandings

Forgiveness Insight: Releasing or sending away anothers wrongs will be an undeserved favor to your spouse Insight: Enough cannot be done to earn it Question: How do you forgive your spouse?

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Forgiveness Psalm 103.11-12: as high as the heavens are abovesois His mercyas far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us Cf. Lev. 16.15-16, 20-22: The goat sacrificed & the goat releasednever found Question: How do you forgive your spouse?

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Forgiveness Romans 8.1: There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus condemnation=to judge guilty & settle the case with appropriate with penalty Question: How do you forgive your spouse?

Essential Understandings

Forgiveness Heb. 8.12: For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more Insight: How can a God who knows all not remember something? Answer: Voluntarily & consistently when the Enemy comes Question: How do you forgive your spouse?

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Restoration 2 Cor. 2.7-11: you ought rather to forgive and comfortreaffirm you love to him forgive=gracious gift or act; undeserved comfort=call to ones side or along side reaffirm=confirm, ratify, validate in a legally binding manner

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Restoration 2 Cor. 2.7-11: lest Satan should take Problem: Reinvestment of trustwas violated oncewill you expose yourself to this risk again? Understanding: This is what you are asking the offended to doit cannot be demanded nor expected by the offender Satan: He uses these emotions to keep marriages separated in heart and body

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Restoration Gal. 6.1: if a man is overtaken in any trespass restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you be restore=to make someone completely adequate for something or function well Insight: This is what spouses do one with another on a regular basis

Essential Understandings
Restoration Gal. 6.1: restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you be gentleness=your strength under control due to your trust in His ability to handle the situation irrespective of you; outwardly it looks like mild, soft, gentle; inwardly it is pure reliance upon God

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Restoration Gal. 6.1: , considering yourself lest you be tempted consider=to pay careful attention to Insight: The reason one must be meek in handling restoring brother, is due to the restorers own vulnerability to the same demise Insight: This situations demands your own humility